Having the last word.

Having the last word.
Posted May 16, 2012 - 2:54pm
0

XN hoovered over the weekend. I went out with friends and saw his car (I live in a smallish town), but did not see him. Evidently, he saw me. That's the only reason I can think of as to why he'd contact me.

At first, I wasn't going to reply to his question of why I hadn't called, texted, or emailed. After two days though, I did reply. The response was short and to the point: There is no use in pretending we are something we are not. We are not friends. We have both moved on with our lives so all communication must stop. I wish you the best.

I do not plan to have further contact with him and don't even feel badly for breaking NC for this. In fact, I'm feeling rather indifferent. I've been pondering why I even bothered to send a reply and have to admit I like having the last word. Aside from healing and breaking from his twisted, fun-sucking grasp, I find I've struggled with having the last word the most difficult.

‹ I don't understand my own actions or motivation Yuck...I seem to have attracted another one ›
ruby01's picture

No response

May 16, 2012 - 10:15pm — ruby01

would've said the same thing, except for the "I wish you the best" comment would've been replaced with the truth which is "I wish you'd get a clue!"

Sparrow's picture

In the whole scheme of

May 16, 2012 - 4:44pm — Sparrow

In the whole scheme of things, the last word is meaningless. It's about worth .01 cent of a million dollars. Trust me.

And as far as having the last word...........you never do. As soon as you think you had the last word, you spend days pondering if they were the "right" last words. which will drive yourself nuts. Because in reality, you want your words to count, and why? Because deep down inside, you honestly want a response. Anyone who wants to have the last word so badly, is because they want it to be perfect, and to make a difference.

Otherwise, no one would really care.

It's kind of along the same lines as "he said, she said" does it REALLY matter? No.

Work on your journey, that is what is most important.

Good luck and stay strong!

Movingforwardnow's picture

froglegs

May 16, 2012 - 3:59pm — Movingforwardnow

I so understand wnating the last word. I think everyone on the forum has felt that way.

Our last word needs to be silence. These freaks don't see or read things the way "normal, healthy" people do.

Any communication is supply to them and will feed the monster.

I remember saying to my exn when we were still together...." I could tell you I ate pizza for lunch and you'd hear....you are amazing, you are the boss, I love you, I need you. blah, blah, blah..."

They have definite hearing problems. The only thing they hear that can bother them is SILENCE!

Again, I understand you wanting the last word and now that you have had it make sure it is your last!

Stay NC,
mfn

Deidre99's picture

sometimes it can bring

May 16, 2012 - 3:41pm — Deidre99

sometimes it can bring closure. but, rest assure. he doesn't care what you write. that's the thing. he read it, and another time, he will strike again, just beware.

Let your silence speak for you. ;)

NC = I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

If you take the time to type...'I don't care anymore,' it tells the narc, you still do.

Glad to see you're indifferent, and stay strong!

janemarie's picture

Last word...Last contact...

May 16, 2012 - 3:30pm — janemarie

OK...sometimes we have to do this to make ourselves feel better....just make sure this is the LAST!!!!! Make this the LAST WORD HE HEARS FROM YOU!!!!!! He will get in another word at a later time, Im sure of it....just make a pact with yourself right now that you HAD your LAST word....and thats it!!!!!!!!!!

This last word was for your own benefit....and yours only!!

Stick to it....otherwise youre just gonna get roped into engaging with him, which is WHAT HE WANTS!! Do you wanna give him that power???? NO you dont!!!

Block everything now so he cant contact you!!!! and always remember...you had your last and final word.....He doesnt deserve to get anything else from you!!! NOTHING!!!!

xoxo

luvapug's picture

I 100% agree...that was a big

May 16, 2012 - 3:22pm — luvapug

I 100% agree...that was a big issue with me...the finale on my terms, for once! So I did just as you, I sent a "good luck in all your pursuits...blah blah" text. and have NOT responded to any contacts since. That was April 8th. He has not tried to contact me since April 23rd. So now I am struggling with the "he really could give a crap less about me, this is real, this person erased me...after 2 years and being engaged...POOF! WTF!!".

-luvapug

spinning's picture

So having the last word really

May 16, 2012 - 3:28pm — spinning

doesn't mean having the last word, does it?

I understand froglegs need to respond and am glad it brought her a sense of "closure" but the real closure comes from within ourselves, as you illustrate with your post luvapug.

The real closure happens when we accept that it's over and we're done with the pain. Having the "last word" unfortunately doesn't speed up that process.

To me, the last word with these freaks is to block all forms of communication. Delete Delete Delete.

Silence = F'You.

Sincerely,
(not) spinning. NO WAY. NEVER EVER AGAIN

Empowered_Empath's picture

I had

May 16, 2012 - 4:22pm — Empowered_Empath

my last words 12 days ago. I felt empowered for about 4 days after. I even had a dream with him in it for the first time, where I didn't feel powerless and I protected my boundaries. I believed I had given myself the closure I needed. But the last few days haven't been very good. I'm back to ruminations, feelings of humiliation and a whole lot of self anger.

I was NC for 4 years then I broke it 8 mos ago. I sent an email spewing emotional garbage his way. I never heard from him. Then I let it go. About a month ago, I finally felt like ME again. I felt I was as a stronger, wiser version of myself. I believed it was OVER.

But I wrong. He hoovered several weeks ago on FB. I ignored it for a week. Then he responded to my email from 8 months ago. I got sucked in.

His email to me was combination of glibness and he had the nerve to tell me "I have no hard feelings" UGH!! But he's there for me if I ever need anything. (Gee does your wife know this and is she okay with that?)

I replied with a BS email trying to fake positivity, indifference, whatever. I didn't know what I was trying for. But I told him it's over, water under the bridge, forgive and forget etc. (Mind you this douche more than happily assisted me in ruining my life)

2 days later, I snapped in anger and sent him a scathing email, calling a pathological liar, a dick who will never change. Don ever contact me again.

That was the first time I ever was very clear and specific with him.

Like I said, it felt good. But the high wore off and reality set in. I was crazy, he knew it, he did it, he loved it = Pain and humiliation

I don't believe he will ever contact me again. He plays with fire, but I think he's too much of a coward to push too far. I believe it's finally over. BUT, as we all know these fuckers are capable of ANYTHING.

I know now, that if he were to hoover again, and I respond, break NC, I will more than likely end up checking into a mental hospital. I AM NOT BULL SHITTING. I can not withstand another humiliating D&D from this psycho again.

I know it will take time, I know I have a long road ahead in healing, but I believe I am going to be okay. As long as I keep my word to myself and stay NC.

Love to All -

E. E.

Empowered_Empath's picture

Yes!

May 16, 2012 - 4:25pm — Empowered_Empath

I blocked him!! lol

Froglegs's picture

This hoover was on FB. I

May 16, 2012 - 8:01pm — Froglegs

This hoover was on FB. I hadn't blocked him, but just did. Thank you all so much for your feedback and support. Sparrow...you are so right. Thank you.