Change: I don't feel bad for avoiding the EXNH-Psychopath

Change: I don't feel bad for avoiding the EXNH-Psychopath
Posted May 16, 2012 - 7:49pm
1

Until yesterday, I would feel weird, bad, creepy, over-reactive, dramatic, wrong, heightened for avoiding the EXNH-Psychopath.

Not anymore.

Yesterday I had to be in the same place as he was, at the same time. I hung back. I saw his car. I waited for him to exit from a very far distance. I saw him leave. I did not watch him any longer than I needed to - I just watched to confirm that he was, in fact, leaving. Then I entered and did what I needed to do.

No drama. No external drama. No internal drama.

I attribute this change to time and study. But also to reading the Thomas Sheridan book, "Puzzling People" which I recently got. And also, a couple of friends in real life are prodding me to get "over it", and get on with my life. Their feedback is that I have been angry and upset for so long and that it is hurting me. They said this in the most heartfelt and gentle and understanding way -- they are true friends -- they've stood by me for years, and I trust their judgement.

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Lobo555's picture

Drama-free Zone

May 20, 2012 - 10:46am — Lobo555

You wrote: "No drama. No external drama. No internal drama."

That is SO what I'm working toward, too! I think you're doing the right thing. The only way to avoid the drama itself is to avoid the source. Surround yourself with good, kind people only.

I can't wait for the day when I'm so indifferent, it doesn't matter if he's in the room or not.

Deidre99's picture

I think your friends are wise

May 18, 2012 - 11:04am — Deidre99

I think your friends are wise to tell you that, abreva. Not so much the 'get over it' part, for you and I know it's not that simple.

((hugs))

Make the weekend coming up all about abreva!

wiserwoman's picture

how?

May 18, 2012 - 7:52am — wiserwoman

I wish I could feel 'indifferent', then I would know that I was healed. The opposite of love is indifference and I still feel hatred...
Worse than that, I feel dread. Every time I have to see him or even text him regarding the children, I have this overwhelming sense of doom/anxiety/nausea.
When will it go away???
What do I have to do?
(God, I am so tired of having to react to this waste of time 'human' being)
:(

abreva's picture

wiserwoman - I'm with you

May 18, 2012 - 9:29am — abreva

I also feel sick, upset, wound-up, grossed-out, anxious, etc. whenever I have to deal with him. Checking the email account that I use only for him, thinking about checking the account, refusing to allow myself to check the account more than once per day -- all this Gets To Me. His mother emailing me yesterday -- major ick -- it didn't throw me into a tizzy, but it jolted me.

I don't know what we have to do to make it go away. I can guess that the PTSD-type experience that I'm having will fade over time. I also think that HIS angry, scary, creepy, fake non-sense will fade too -- he won't have such intense venom for me once the property is settled and his NewWife is snug in place. He can't possibly be a bottomless pit of rage -- there is a bottom and he'll give her plenty. Less left for me.

The creepy look in his eye of fake pretend niceness toward me -- EEEEWWWWW.

So, I am able to be cool and calm as long as I'm No Contact. And I don't feel weird or creepy myself for hanging back and avoiding him -- because I'm clear now that THAT is the right thing to do.

ruby01's picture

abreva

May 16, 2012 - 9:10pm — ruby01

There really is no option.

It's the only way you can move forward, because given the chance, they will attempt to screw with your head every time.