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Please read, if your hankering towards breaking NC...
sweetpeasarah
Member since:
1 year 23 weeks
1 year 23 weeks
Last activity:
2 weeks 23 hours
2 weeks 23 hours
Please read, if your hankering towards breaking NC...
Posted May 15, 2012 - 12:57pm
Well, it has taken me days to pluck up the courage to post here again, but a dear friend on here PM me and encouraged me to do it.
Yes, i fell off the wagon. BIG TIME.
I feel such an idiot because only a few weeks ago i was singing on here about how great NC felt.
I was at a low about some personal issues, toad, just like flipping magic, happened to hoover just at that time, and i fell for it...hook line and sinker. He pulled out ALL the stops, reverted back to even nicer than the 'honeymoon' stage. I dont need to tell you all the details...you know how it goes.
For 10 days he was the most fantastic bloke in the world, stupid me, thought that i knew enough to be able to handle it. Then WHAM, he pulled away and said 'i dont want full blown relationship, lets just be friends and play it by ear'. So i told him to FO. I WAS DEVASTATED, I AM DEVASTATED. the BASTARD played me yet again. And i feel a complete and utter idiot. It played out EXACTLY as i SHOULD HAVE LEARNED it would do, and i hate myself now.
3 month's nearly of NC ruined. Have to start all over again, and its worse cos i am so angry with myself
. So anyone here thinking of breaking NC...PLEASE PLEASE DONT! cos i can tell you it sucks, worse than any time before. 300% worse.
Climbing back on the wagon girls, feel free to tell me off..but cant promise i wont cry!
xx
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
Its all part of the process.
May 15, 2012 - 4:28pm — pamela11Its all part of the process. We are told what not to do and have suggestions and the directions from the forum and all the books we read but we are all different. Maybe you had to go in there one more time to see the truth. We are human and at times, we're going to stumble. I was struggling with breaking contact all this past weekend and I didn't do it thank God and your post is helping me stay strong. so Thank you for posting. and Please...stop beating yourself up. We are all here for you.
xoxo
I don't think anyone should
May 15, 2012 - 4:21pm — Wutjusthappened2meI don't think anyone should ever be embarrassed or ashamed to tell about their mistakes because it makes us human and shows others what'll happen if they take the same path. If everyone here acted perfect we would think we were the only messed up person.
he wont change will he ??
May 15, 2012 - 4:03pm — BritSarah, how we wish they were different, we forget that they are beyond repair and give in over and over again. I just wish there was a magic pill that we could take so that we were all immune to the desire we feel for them.
You have taken 100 steps towards your freedom from this torture and only one step back. Its still progress in my book.
WE MUST PROMISE OURSELVES TO BE KIND TO OURSELVES BECAUSE A NARC ONLY BRINGS US PAIN AND WE DONT DESERVE THAT.
We can all talk till we're
May 15, 2012 - 3:30pm — HunterWe can all talk till we're blue in face ..
The books are written the subjected studied.,
Guess what cancer really does kill and Narcs will always be Narcs.
Maybe now you've had enough.. Only you know the answer ., you are driving this bus..
If you're serious ., pick yourself up and Block him at every corner...
That's the only way to win..
Make YOUR actions match these words ..
Hunter
well
May 15, 2012 - 3:38pm — sweetpeasarahIve beaten cancer... so I can get past the disease called toad!
Been given a second bite at life, so time to take the 'learner plates' off the bus and start driving out of Narcsville.
Thanks Hunter, reality check. :)
xx
Get to work.. I know you can
May 15, 2012 - 4:08pm — HunterGet to work.. I know you can do it ..
Hunter
Welcome back.
May 15, 2012 - 3:00pm — HelpMeHealPlease do not feel bad about breaking NC. Sometimes it takes a mess up (or in my case, THREE of them in 7 months!) before it really sinks in. Lesson learned now and we won't do it again. At some point we just have to say "enough is enough with this bullshit".
Great BIG thank you to all of you lovely ladies..
May 15, 2012 - 2:40pm — sweetpeasarahfor all you comments and words of encouragement, means so much to me. I can see now i was wrong to be nervous about posting, should never have doubted the compassion and understanding from each and everyone of you.
You are all right, ive learnt a lesson. The hardest thing to accept for me, is that even whilst he was doing all of this deep down I KNEW is was the same old crap yet I couldnt stop myself. True addiction sadly. Everything he did was textbook. Thank god I managed to tell him to jog on before it went any further. They are truely disgusting characters, but EXTREMELY hard to resist when they are acting the part.
I am very glad I have posted about this, it was horrid, but the silver lining is my awful experience will hopefully help others here, and that, makes me feel better. :)
So,back to day 3 of NC, and thanks again guys for your support, you are all wonderful!
xx
Dear Sweetpea... welcome
May 15, 2012 - 1:57pm — tootsgeeDear Sweetpea... welcome back. At least you now no for sure there can be no doubt in your mind. xx
sweetpea, my sweet!
May 15, 2012 - 1:54pm — spinningSorry you got bitten by the toad. He is truly a lizard.
Sometimes you have to get another injection of their poison to become IMMUNE!
Please know, sweetpea, this happens...and we generally know why someone is gone for a few (and it literally is a very short time)...and know that they'll be back.
You know too much to stay in it now. That's a good thing!
Dust yourself off and BLOCK HIS REPTILIAN ASS FROM EVERYWHERE POSSSIBLE.
Hugs to you dear sweetpea! You'll bounce back better and STRONGER than EVER!
Love,
(not) spinning. NO WAY. I REJECT ALL CHAOS AND CONFUSION
sweetpea I would never even
May 15, 2012 - 1:36pm — LoserFreesweetpea I would never even think to tell you off! I haven't been hoovered yet so I can't say I wouldn't fall for it too. Like you, I say NC NC NC NC but I could make a huge mistake as well. That's why I don't want him to hoover me....I'm scared quite honestly.
And your post actually helped me because it is a reminder of what will happen to me if I give in to his manipulative bullshit.
We are here to support each other on our journey. At least that's what I signed up for when I joined this site.
I am so happy you have a good friend here that encouraged you to come back to us!!
You may have fallen off the wagon but now you are even stronger because of it. You have no more doubt about him EVER changing. Now you can completely focus on you and healing from this sick, poisonous, mindfuck LOSER!!
Love and big Hugs
Loserfree
Totally understand
May 15, 2012 - 1:32pm — JaxSo sorry that you had to go through this again, and thank you for posting your experience, it is a very brave thing to do. It helps to know when others have experienced the same b.s. Being devastated is horrible, but it will get better again.
Amazing how they know exactly when to hoover. Take care!
Hey Sarah
May 15, 2012 - 1:30pm — BtrflyGrlWelcome Back! They just don't change do they? Don't hate yourself, you are only human right, everything will be ok. I'm sorry you are hurting again though :(
Today is a new day and it's better to start again at day one than not at all right!?! I would also like to thank you for being brave and sharing your experience. I am going through a particulary trying time right now and I wasn't sure that I could fend off a hoover if one should occur. After hearing your story I am even more determined to stay NC. Thank you for that!
xoxo BtrflyGrl
thanks for the warning
May 15, 2012 - 1:27pm — no more an echosweetpeasarah,
It is a humbling experience.
They don't change.
Thanks for sharing.
Almost a year NC and never broke it- you know why???
May 15, 2012 - 1:21pm — Layla...because I took the bastard back SO MANY times in the eight year trip though hell with him and learned the hard way they do not change.....and you are learning that too! Be glad you CAN learn from this and move forward- these PDs can NEVER grow and change.
It's funny, about 8 months back I was going though old cards and letters and things that I was throwing away from the PD and came across some total BULLSHIT letters he had written sounding all contrite and sorry......reading those was a total JOKE to me because it sounded completely like the opposite of the person I REALLY had lived with- what a bullshit artist and I fell for it a bunch of times. NO MORE! Layla learned the lesson!! Haha!
I agree with whomever told you to post this incident of breaking contact because it serves yet another valuable lesson to the members here that these things DO NOT CHANGE and in fact, are INCAPABLE of change.
As for you, you are a thinking, feeling, loving and forgiving person. You are a beautiful person and beautiful people are the very ones these sickos like to suck the life from. Keep your power. Keep your No Contact from here on out. YOU are worth peace, sanity, love and happiness and you know you will NEVER find any of that with a PD.
love~ Layla
NO...
May 15, 2012 - 1:18pm — erika astridOfcourse I am not going to tell you off...Shit happened!
I think it can happen to anyone,to be honest,if THEY try hard enough!
I,ve been NC for quite some time now,except for one angry email to him and OW,to scare him off,as he was hoping we would be on speaking terms again someday,NO WAY!!NEVER
AGAIN.(so far,haven't heard from him,good!!)
The bad thing is ,you have to start all over again now,and that hurts,more than ever,I'm sure.
So take care now,and don't be too hard on yourself.
Wishing you all the best.
xx
it's okay
May 15, 2012 - 1:10pm — lessonlearnedas long as you learned from it ;)
i've been there. i'm betting a lot of us have been there! beating yourself up about it accomplishes nothing. counting the days of your renewed NC accomplishes SOMETHING. so what if you have to start over? let this be the LAST time you have to go back to zero.
I won't
May 15, 2012 - 1:09pm — fallingfowardtell you off, sweetpeasarah. So glad you have the courage to come back, good for you. Lesson learned, it is a process and we are all still here to support you. Sorry, you were so hurt again, forgive yourself and start over with nc. You can do it!!!!! Sending you a warm hug.
xoxo
ff
It's new to me
May 15, 2012 - 3:06pm — losing the battleI think I've just realised how naive I am.
I don't think I realised there were such evil people in the world, let alone that I wasted ten years of my life with one.
I am naive too. I am always
May 15, 2012 - 4:53pm — beautifulmessI am naive too. I am always seeing the good. I tend to remember only the good and block out the bad. Maybe it's because the bad is just so painful. People are always telling me I am "too nice" . Anyways try not to feel too bad about being sucked back in because I suck myself back in.. He doesn't even have to make an effort, I do it all.. Chase after him. After he shows me for a week what a great guy he is.. Then WHAM! Silent treatment. Any doubts I had about him being narc are gone.