What he's said, it's all typical & they all say what he said. So, you've heard it. Never again listen.

I will tell you the most effective rules of the game.

1. Do not send messages through the child.

2. Open up a dedicated yahoo or gmail account. Only he has the address. ANd this is the only means YOU communicate with him. All information regards daughter goes via this account. NO DISCUSSIONS. No sentences which start with "I" -- no feelings or explanations. Just Subject verb object. "Daughter is going on school trip. X to Y date. The cost = xx. Make check out to y by xy date." If he refuses, tirades, etc -- do not respond. Ignore. DO NOT ENGAGE!!!!!

3. SInce this is a divorce & child custody battle (So he threatens), all communication via lawyers. He's discussing the terms of the divorce above. He shouldn't be doing that. And you should not listen.

4. If he calls, listen politely. If it is about him being 15 minutes late for the child--ok, thnx for calling, bye. If it's a harangue about anything else, hang up. DO NOT ENGAGE. You did well with the dinner thing on the phone. Keep up that tone.

I promise you, if you follow these rules, your life will be easier. Your divorce lawyer will be really impressed & thankful as well. All these harangue phone calls & harnague e-mails turn up in courtrooms, affidavits, motions -- everything comes out in a divorce. DOn't give him anything to manipulate. If all your e-mails are brief & objective & not personal, you can only come out a winner here. ANd your child will be happier with you because she does not see you all stressed out after having "engaged" with him. He's using the child.

Oh, & the "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" line. Haven't you learned yet -- WHat's N's is N's & what is your's is N's. Ns are entirely inconsistent. Rules are for other people. But they are entitled to do what the hell they want, when they want. What was wrong for you last week, will be right for them this week. They are TYRANTS -- no rhyme or reason, no method. They are random & chaotic. This is why the victims are traumatized. Everything is so random & inconsistent. The victim is out of control because the abuser makes up the rules & changes the rules without warning & then executes the punishment for a violation of the rule which the victim had no knowledge of.

Minimal contact, via e-mail, only with reference to objective necessities relating to the child. Everything else will be handled by the lawyer.

You are getting a divorce. He no longer owns you. He's losing control over you & money & he's freaking out. YOU have the upper hand because YOU have the child. ANd he's not happy. You don't have to listen to his crap anymore. You're finished.

I can totally relate to this account/phone call. I know it doesn't make you feel any better (not really) to hear that someone else is going through the same thing. But I am! Same crazy phone calls - you can't resist 'sticking up for yourself' because what they say is so ridiculous and subjective, it's almost impossible to bear listening to it....and then next day - nothing. Never happened. No, he didn't call you a slimy piece of shit. Not him, he's not crazy. And then superdad nice guy mode - sweet as pie. Big fake great guy act in front of the children. It's tiring, isn't it? So tiring. I feel for you. But - good recovery! Keep cutting him off. Good for you. I need to do the same.