julmalo's story

Jul's Story - I'm sorry, it's long!

Hello to everyone! I love this place where I can relate so much! Thank you! Here's my story:

Last September I married my N. We had dated on and off for about a year and finally got to the point where we moved in together and married a month later. But let me tell you, he did a complete 180 on me after we got married.

I had come out of a 9-year releationship just months before I met him. He was so obsessed with me. Everything about me was thrilling for him. I met him through my sister, and so I thought, I guess I can give him a chance if she likes him, but from day one I was skeptical about him. He was ten years older than me and radiated "player." I told him right off the bat that I wasn’t ready for him yet, and two months later finally started talking to him, when I felt ready (or lonely). It started off slow. He texted me and I texted back and it was like that for two weeks, and then we finally started talking voice to voice. I know I seemed so controlling in that regard, but he understood I wasn’t ready, and truly I wasn’t really at all, or not even attracted to him physically, but I wanted to be open-minded for once.

Well, it was about a month in and I was really starting to enjoy his company. He was being so open and honest and telling me all about his past. He was so taken with the way I could just get stuff out of him. “I wasn’t like the other girls.” Two months in, we made love and he told me he “loved me.” That was crazy to me. We had fun together, went on trips and stuff, but then the nagging feeling would start again after I would find out about his past girlfriends 3 DUIs, child he gave up, and it would all trun me off again, and I would break up with him. He acted to everyone like he had so much money and that he was such a “cool guy” as well. He was 40 years old, wearing teenager clothing and it bothered me, but I looked past it.

Over the course of our year dating, I probably broke up with him six or seven times. But he had proven such patience with me through our break ups that I was thinking I was stupid for letting him go.

Finally, my lease was up and so was his, so we took the opportunity to move in together. We did move in together, and I felt like, for the sake of a good example to the kids, we should get married. And we talked about it and he agreed, and then proposed a few weeks later.

The very day we got married he changed. He retreated into the basement, starting getting mad at my kids for all sorts of silly things, obviously didn’t feel comfortable being “tied down” and started to just leave to his brother’s house without an explanation or reason for doing it. He started to talk about divorcing me. I was like, what? Are you serious? He wouldn’t sit still to talk about it, he started to ignore my texts, my calls, and everything. I was going mad. I was so confused. Finally, he came home for a night and I took his phone and hid it. He was so obsessed with his phone that I thought this would be perfect to get him to sit still for a moment. Boy, was I wrong! He was furious! He scrambled around the house looking for his phone. I wanted him to just be nice and talk to me for a moment, but he wouldn’t. He called me a slut, a whore, a f-ing bitch, a cunt – said the only reason he wanted me was cause I spread my legs for him…he had become so nasty. His friend came over in the middle of it all and N was yelling to him about how disgusting I am, etc. His friend was in shock. I was in shock! His friend was telling him to calm down, but for the most part kept his distance.

When I just gave in and told him where the phone was, he broke the door frame, kicked out part of the banister, which cut my son’s hand cause we were sitting right next to it, and he picked up the banister railing and acted like he was going to take my head off with it. His friend was watching the whole thing. I went outside to sit in the van with my boy, and when I came back in, he was getting after his friend for not “stepping in” and getting involved. His friend was like “man, I would never do that in the first place. It’s not my job to stop you from raging.” It was so embarrassing.

The next day he was at the house with a police escort and his whole family moving his stuff out. Did I tell you that a few days before this I found out I was pregnant?

This all happened within two weeks of us getting married. He was gone. He left me and didn’t contact me, nor did I contact him for almost two months. I had such severe morning sickness and compounded with the stress of everything else, I was miserable. Though I didn’t show it to him. I moved on quickly in my head. No contact, no need for him, nothing. I wanted explanations at first, but kept the image of what I had been through with him in my mind and got through it all.

He came back a couple of weeks before Christmas. Started telling me he couldn’t live without me. He wondered why I wasn’t trying to get back together. He told me he would be stupid for letting me go, and that he wanted to give it another shot. He “loved me” so much! Although I was hesitant and it took a while for me to be okay with it, I let him back in. He showered me with gifts again. Spend well over $4,000 at Christmas on everyone. I guess he does good with business during the holidays. He doted on me and helped me with the kids, and everything. His kids stayed with us for a couple of weeks as well during this time. Everything seemed good. The day after Christmas, he bolted again. I asked for reasons this time. I told him he needed to communicate with me, and he gave me a list that included, “I’m numb to the pain and I don’t feel like it hurts anymore to leave. You won’t have anal with me.”
I was dumbfounded.

Everything was going well, and this is it? Again? I didn’t talk to the dumbass for another two months. He tried to talk to me, wanted to hang out, etc. But I ignored it. Into February I had the baby’s ultrasound and he asked about it. I went without him, but he gave me a really hard time for it, via text. (He doesn’t talk very much on the phone, he just texts. Even if it takes hours, he will only text.)

Why did I do this? I invited him over to view the ultrasound video the next night because he made me feel so bad. Well, from there, it was constant texting, talking, calling me, wanting back into my life again. I gave in cause I was lonely and justified it by saying, this time, I only need him when I need him and I’ll take the free sex from him and free stuff and that’s it! Well, your heart always gets attached again.

So since that day in February, he has never really been able to tell me why he wants a divorce. He’s dragged it on and on and on for eight months. I’ve been living by myself, pregnant, with no financial support whatsoever from him…also caring for three other little ones…and he conveniently contacts me for sex and sends me pictures of his penis, tries to dirty-talk, etc. Says he Loves me so much and misses me “like crazy.” Then he knows it’s one of my kids birthdays, and he doesn’t bother to call or bring a present or anything. He even purposefully didn’t call me on my birthday because “I didn’t make plans with him that night.” I put my family first since they planned a birthday dinner for me.

I shut him off for four to five days at a time, and then get more texts from him about the weather, about a restaurant deal, etc. It never stops!

I decided to put him in his place yesterday and call him on all his BS and told him it was all a scam, I was another victim and I’m not going to be fooled by him anymore. I told him I don’t want to hear he loves me anymore because it’s not true, he never did! He proceeded to tell me “I’m annoying.” Told me “Well, if you have to feel this way, I’m sorry, but whatever I have to do to be able to move on, that’s fine.”

Oh my hell, I can’t get rid of him! And when will I ever be able to move on now that I’m having his baby in three weeks? Yikes! I never would have seen myself in this situation. It all seemed good to me, and he played the game well.

On top of that, he told me he was going to suggest an abortion early into the pregnancy. And now he won’t admit that he said that. Went from wanting every other weekend visitation, to a revised divorce complaint where he wants joint custody 50/50! He also wants to start this schedule as soon as the baby is born! Really? A newborn?
Oh my gosh, I am going to go crazy.