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I am Sitting Here Alone and Remembering How I Wanted to Expose Him For Who He IS
LoserFree
Member since:
1 year 4 weeks
1 year 4 weeks
Last activity:
18 weeks 4 days
18 weeks 4 days
I am Sitting Here Alone and Remembering How I Wanted to Expose Him For Who He IS
Posted May 12, 2012 - 8:47pm
I am very reluctant to post this because I do not want to be laughed at by how I felt when I realized what the FREAK did to me.
So I hope I can share how I felt at the time. I became a member on this site because I felt I had finally found a safe place where I wouldn't be judged like my Narc did to me.
So here goes....
When I was finally discarded like Monday mornings trash I was extremely angry. I, like all of you, gave my heart and soul to make him happy. His repeated lies set my mind into a spin of revenge for what he did to me!! I DID allow it, but to me still NO excuse to treat someone who would have given their right arm for you so cruelly.
When that happened I wanted to expose him for the SICK, DISORDERED, person that he is.
He struts himself through this city because of his high status of a Cardiac/Thoracic Surgeon. No one crosses him because they may need his services one day...and he TOLD ME THAT!!
Not only did he fuck me up, but he fucked my children up!!! They lost their father at a young age and he played on their love for him as well. It's one thing to fuck me over but my children???? You will pay dearly for that mistake. FUCKWAD!!!
So my angry thoughts took over and I wanted to expose him for revenge!! I didn't know how to do that and then I thought about Dr. Phil (please don't laugh at me)!! I thought here is my chance to not only expose him, but to help many women/men that don't understand the monster they are with right now. By exposing him I felt I would ultimately be helping so many people to have that "light bulb moment" and understand it was never about THEM!!
It was just a thought at the time. I still feel very passionate about telling my story if only to help one person!! There is not enough awareness about this Disorder! Too many people suffer daily because they were not as lucky as I was to have figured him out and found this site.
I apologize if I babbled on about something you can not relate to.....just wanted to express my thoughts, that's all
Love to all
Loserfree
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
Could you imagine the impact
May 12, 2012 - 10:52pm — LoserFreeCould you imagine the impact if 3 or 4 of us were on the show with Goldie, Lisa, or the mods to bring the credibility to what we say. Dr. Phil searches for people with knowledge on the subject to back up what his guests say. How many women/men could be helped by our stories??? I would cry if it helped only one!!!
Loserfree
Hey loser free I just sent
May 12, 2012 - 11:04pm — eyeswideopen35Hey loser free I just sent you a pm
ewo I sent you a PM back
May 12, 2012 - 11:33pm — LoserFreeewo I sent you a PM back
LoserFree
May 12, 2012 - 10:00pm — ruby01Don't place blame on yourself for "allowing it".
That is exactly how these a-holes justify their abuse.
The sole provider of wrong doing was he.
Loser free I can so relate to
May 12, 2012 - 9:54pm — eyeswideopen35Loser free I can so relate to how you feel too, there sure needs to be more awareness of this disorder. I was just saying to a friend last night, before know I never knew these people existed,i never new what CD was and had never heard of gas lighting!!
I have often thought about dr Phil or oprah shows as a way of exposing these PD's!
Imagine how many women could be at home watching dr Phil, and have the light bulb moment we have all had! Wow, even if it helped one person, it would be worth it!
ewo thank you so much for
May 12, 2012 - 10:05pm — LoserFreeewo thank you so much for saying that. I posted tonight thinking everyone will think I'm just as whacked as him for my thoughts.
It's so true. Women watch these types of shows. I guarantee you a lot of them are US but they don't know about NPD. What a "pay it forward" thing to do!! It would finally make sense to WHY IT HAPPENED TO ME!!
XOXO
Loserfree
Loser free, i think it's a
May 12, 2012 - 10:10pm — eyeswideopen35Loser free, i think it's a brilliant idea to pay it forward! Get on the phone to dr Phil!.,
My only concern would be for your safetly, your XN might want to get revenge on you!
I believe power comes in
May 12, 2012 - 10:25pm — LoserFreeI believe power comes in numbers. If any one could do this with me it would be such a help to women all over the globe
Loserfree
Thanks for your concern ewo!!
May 12, 2012 - 10:21pm — LoserFreeThanks for your concern ewo!! But what is his revenge???? He won't operate on me if my heart fails???? Now that is too fucking funny!!!!! He isn't touching my heart again!!
XOXO
Loserfree
Lol too funny!!
May 12, 2012 - 10:22pm — eyeswideopen35Lol too funny!!
Loserfree
May 12, 2012 - 9:29pm — MovingforwardnowI so understand your story. I, too, was not only tricked by a master manipulator but so were my children. Here is a brief story: Their birth father is serving time in prison (not a narc) but got caught up in drugs and abused us. Attempted murder on our youngest. He was 1 at the time.
Anyways, long story short. I got involved with Narc 5 years after divorce. I fell in love with him as did my kids. I stayed for my boys. They called him dad, the only dad they have ever known. I stayed, and stayed, and stayed.....trying to make it work, changing everything about me so he'd love me. Believing it was all my fault. Then I just could not do it anymore. It has been a long hard process but my boys and I are managing and we will get through this. Somehow, someway. I,too, felt like there was more to this experience then just another "life lesson" and I started Mom on a Mission in honor of my children. I want to raise awareness of this horrible disorder and it is my goal to have it be taught in schools so no one gets fooled again. PM me if yu'd like more information about Mom on a Mission.
Hang in there.
xoxoxox
mfn
mfn your story really touched
May 12, 2012 - 9:42pm — LoserFreemfn your story really touched me! I don't even no what to say?? Just when I think how bad I had it.....I hear a story like yours.
I would love to hear more about Mom on a Mission. The silence is killing me. Children should be aware so they won't end up with a Master Manipulator like us. I don't want any young woman/man to EVER have their dreams stomped on by a Disordered Freak!!!
Loserfree
I feel EXACTLY the same way.
May 12, 2012 - 9:19pm — Emmy>>I DID allow it, but to me still NO excuse to treat someone who would have given their right arm for you so cruelly. <<
You did not allow it. You were TRICKED and brainwashed and tortured. This is NOT our fault. You said it yourself >> that "light bulb moment" and understand it was never about THEM!!<<
Am I right : )?
OMGosh, I have had SO many thoughts of exposing my torturer. I am telling EVERYONE I can, even if they look at me funny. Seriously. I will not be silenced.
I would love to write a book and include your jerk, too ;).
((hugs))
You are doing great.
-- Emmy
Emmy I want to sit on "Prime
May 12, 2012 - 9:28pm — LoserFreeEmmy I want to sit on "Prime Time" television and tell my story to all the women that are home depressed and watch these types of shows. I feel somewhere inside of them they are searching for a topic to relate to. Just my thoughts because I WAS doing that!!
BTW if you write a book I will be more than happy to make it a #1 on the charts!!!
Thank you for your support
XOXO
Loserfree
You bet
May 12, 2012 - 10:03pm — EmmyYeah - I *am* actually thinking about that book. How the heck else am I going to support my kids??? lol
I will tell on yours if you tell on mine (me bad).
(hugs)
-Emmy
Not Laughing
May 12, 2012 - 9:03pm — deadenddreamerI am not laughing at all. It is normal for those feelings and actually yours is a lot less physcially hurtful than the thoughts I had. Since he can't pay emotionally (cause he can't feel) I wanted to hurt him physically-that pain he could feel. Don't feel silly and don't think anyone will judge
Thank you for your kind
May 12, 2012 - 9:11pm — LoserFreeThank you for your kind words
XOXO
Exposure
May 12, 2012 - 8:59pm — phantom adorationwould ultimately hurt you
....especially at this point.
We may never know what damage they will cause, we may never know if they suffer.
You can't save anyone him. they would not beleive you. If someone had come to me and told me he was this and he did that I would not have believed them. Sour grapes and all that. Ask yourself, would you have believed another woman if she had told you about him?
You must take care of you children and you...save yourself and them.
His respected profession and association would give your story about him little substance. Sorry but that is the way it is. Is it fair, of course not.
Focus on you....trying to expose him is an exercise in futility.
They eventually expose themselves...
I agree Phantom. There is no
May 12, 2012 - 10:00pm — BtrflyGrlI agree Phantom. There is no zapping somebody out of the spell of a narc. People believe what they want to believe and most aren't going to give up a chance at a real soulmate from some crazed ex stranger. She will not know until she experiences it. It's just one of those things.
I understand BtrflyGrl but
May 12, 2012 - 10:15pm — LoserFreeI understand BtrflyGrl but I'm talking about the women that would watch it and somehow relate because they are like us and don't know yet about NPD. It's just to put that "seed" in their head that may help them one day. Maybe not now....but it might make her more aware when he behaves badly time and time again. The seed planted that may ultimately save her life!!
Loserfree
In general educating people
May 12, 2012 - 10:25pm — BtrflyGrlIn general educating people about the signs of an abusive relationship is a great idea. But to try and expose one person makes you too wrapped up in him. That's all I meant to say. He's already got OW hook line and sinker by now.
It took me 3 weeks to fall in the well of hell.
As far as OW I hope she keeps
May 12, 2012 - 10:34pm — LoserFreeAs far as OW I hope she keeps being a good supply because that only means I will NEVER get a hoover. God Bless her soul
By exposing him I meant for everyone in the city I live that thinks he is god himself.
And exposing what he did to me on TV would help so many women!! We here about abuse on these shows but very seldom do you ever here about NPD and how the Disorder destroys people every day!!!
Loserfree
I get the wanting to tell the world thing
May 12, 2012 - 10:59pm — EmmyI think you must be about where I am in recovery, Loserfree.
I think when we figure out our abuse, first we are confused - then shocked - hardly able to believe it - and after a while we get MAD. And, in our cases, we want EVERYONE to know about this because this is NOT being recognized.
This narcissistic abuse is far more devastating and prevalent than society seems to see. It is unfathomable to me that my kids and I have been hurt SO badly and have NO legal recourse or a name to call it or ANYTHING. If my husband of many years had died, I would have endless support. For this -- very few people help. Some people hurt, not understanding.
My daughter and the people here have told me that I need to concentrate on healing myself. That may be true, and I try to keep my anger in check (mainly for my kids, truth be told). But some of us may need to work through things by expressing our outrage.
I think writing is very helpful. Write your chapter of a future book on narcissists. Write a t-shirt (hee hee). Or maybe paint, draw, any creative outlet. Do something to spread awareness.
To me, this is healing.
((hugs))
You're doing so well. Hang in there.
- Emmy
Emmy I couldn't agree with
May 12, 2012 - 11:13pm — LoserFreeEmmy I couldn't agree with you more. The anger tends to consume us at this stage in our recovery. And I am hopeful that I am right on target on my journey.
But this anger has turned into something different for me. The more I replied my point of reaching out to help those that are still searching because they have been brainwashed by these sick people... the more I feel passionate about making it a reality.
Sometimes bad things happen to people and they make it a positive by sharing their story.
I am working on me. Thank you for your kind words on my progress
XOXO
Loserfree
I agree with you loser free,
May 12, 2012 - 11:35pm — eyeswideopen35I agree with you loser free, it's not about our anger or getting revenge. Its about using our experience with these PD's and our knowledge to bring awareness to all the people out there who may be in a toxic relationship and be blaming themselves!
I wish someone had warned me, I wish I knew about PD back then, no I probably would have not of listened whilst I was love blind, but when all the crazy making stuff started and my fairytale started turning into my worst nightmare, I would have been so tankful for any info!
My therapist said to me the other day that more women go mitt suicide from there involvement with PD than anything else!
That alarmed me, I'm sure those women blamed themselves and were unaware that there was such evil and that it does exist, it has a name.
ewo you could not have said
May 13, 2012 - 12:02am — LoserFreeewo you could not have said it any better!!!!
SO True and something to think about
Loserfree
Unless...
May 12, 2012 - 10:06pm — Emmy(evil grin)
Unless...we have PROOF. Hmmm. ;)
It helps me a lot that my kids are older. Everyone thinks a marriage thing is two-sided, but they DO believe the kids, thank goodness! It is still VERY hard, though.
though I wanted to expose him
May 12, 2012 - 9:08pm — LoserFreethough I wanted to expose him for the SCUM he is....I also thought it would help someone like "us" to have a light bulb moment. They would hear my story and connect like we do on this site. They wouldn't feel like they are crazy anymore.....it would get them to start researching for more answers. That was a big HOPE as well!!!
Loserfree
Yep
May 12, 2012 - 9:22pm — EmmyI think you CAN make a difference to others. Tweet it, wear a t-shirt, whatever you can. That's my take. You will be surprised how many people will say they know a guy or situation just like that!
OMG....I wanted to design a t
May 12, 2012 - 9:33pm — LoserFreeOMG....I wanted to design a t shirt that said on the front....GOT NARC?
And on the back.......BE TRUE TO YOU NC NC NC NC
I think I may be so f*d up to actually think of this crazy shit
Loserfree
I love it.
May 12, 2012 - 10:09pm — EmmyBeen there, Done that, Got the hell out of NarcVille.
ROFL
I call for a t-shirt contest!
(honestly - I really WAS trying to think of a shirt. If we are obnoxiously insistent, maybe we will be believed)
And let's send one to Dr. Phil. He will help us.
<3
- Emmy, the trouble maker
I think everybody has had
May 12, 2012 - 8:53pm — uncomfortablynumbI think everybody has had thoughts like that...I know I wanted mine to feel pain since it seemed not to bother him that we were done and that I was feeling all the pain for both of us...breaking up with someone is supposed to hurt the dumper too!!! In normal people it does!!!