Questions

Questions
Posted May 10, 2012 - 11:40pm
0

Lately I have been questioning whether he is really a narc.. I know that this is common so I have questions. Are narcs generous with money? Because mine will spend money on me.. Take me out to dinner, put gas in my car, help with bills.. He will however help only just so much.. I am always left in debt.. Where he knows that I have to rely on him. Another question.. Are narcs lazy? Mine seems lazy.. He wants to live the life of sitting around, drinking.. Having fun, but he doesn't work or have any ambitions.. or dreams. Never talks about the future or makes plans. I really don't want to be in denial..but I feel like I need to be sure, lately I feel like there is something wrong with ME.

‹ What's helping me a bit I actually feel bad....A LOT of anxiety!!! ›
Deidre99's picture

Questions I have are...Do

May 11, 2012 - 8:53am — Deidre99

Questions I have are...

Do you feel special?
Loved?
Treated with respect?

If the answers to those questions are no, the majority of the time, then it doesn't matter what label you tag on him.

To answer your questions, from the little here to go on, he could be a narcissist.

The way you can tell if someone is a narcissist, is if the situations you describe become more the norm, than the exception. Everyone can have an off day or week. Say things we might not mean. But, narcs lack contrition. They are not remorseful for their actions, so the actions repeat again and again. And often escalate to more offensive and abusive behavior. It's who they are, their core personality.

Obviously if he were to hit you, one time would be one time too many. I'm speaking more of everyday conversations, etc. If his argument style CONSISTENTLY, is of blaming you for everything that's gone wrong, and/or refuses to ever apologize, he could be a narcissist.

If he isn't comforting on a regular basis, he could be a narcissist.

If he belittles you regularly, he could be a narcissist.

If someone flies off the handle, once in a blue moon over stress, still not good, but if the person is contrite, and feels sorrow for hurting another person, and doesn't exhibit the behavior again, most likely he/she is not a narcissist.

That's the key. If the behavior is consistent, becomes a pattern, it's something you see more and more of, and the behavior is growing worse, and there's not desire to change...no apology for hurting you...most likely, he's a narcissist.

onwithmylife's picture

my

May 11, 2012 - 9:01am — onwithmylife

exnarc was very lazy, expected me to drive over an hour to see him and then to vaccumm his place,no thanks and he was generous with his money but it felt like he always expected something in return..and at the end when his mask was down he wrote me a letter and told me what a waste of his time and money on me, asshole...........he was in the end very selfish in every way ,except sex because of how much he liked what i gave him.He bought himself everything and I mean everything he wanted.....

MeAgain's picture

My psychopath would spend

May 11, 2012 - 12:27am — MeAgain

My psychopath would spend money on me but he spent way more on himself in comparison. He was also very irresponsible where money was concerned. I once saw him blow $7000 in 3 weeks and then when he was broke again he complained how much he regretted what he had done and what an idiot he was, but the next time he had money he would do it all over again. He was not a lazy man he was always on the go but he was lazy in the sense that he refused to work a real job or clean up after himself

eyeswideopen35's picture

I think they all differ as

May 11, 2012 - 12:05am — eyeswideopen35

I think they all differ as far as money/gifts are concerned... Mine didn't ave a problem spending money on me, but he didn't really value money, what he had he wanted to spend...early in the honeymoon phase he brought me gifts and took me out to dinner etc.. I know in his previous relationships he used to buy expensive gifts for his partners etc...

As far as work goes, mine thought he was too good to have a normal job and work the boring 9-5
He did it though, but he really resented having to work as in his eyes he was way to special and talented to be tired down to the mundane life of working a job.
He only ever stayed at a job for six to twelve months then he was bored and onto the next... Pretty much the same as his personal life!

I think that as far as these things are concerned they are all different depending on who they are with and what they think that person needs/wants in order for them to secure supply... Mine new I was not materialistic so it served him no purpose buying me expensive gifts etc...

At the end of the day the things they do have in common as narcs are the important things to remember..
The lack of empathy
Selfish and self absorbed
It's all about me, me, me
The idealization, followed by d&d
Etc, etc..
If he has the personality qualities of a narc I think it's a safe bet he is...
Hope this helps...

beautifulmess's picture

Lack of empathy? I believe

May 11, 2012 - 12:22am — beautifulmess

Lack of empathy? I believe so, I have seen lack of empathy, if I cried he would call
me baby.. Belittle me. But there seemed to be times where I got some empathy when my mom was diagnosed with cancer.. But then again he wasn't very understanding.. He did nice things for me .. For my mom.. But a simple thank you for doing that was never enough for him.. He wouldnt let me or anyone forget how he did something nice..