I was browsing some searches on the internet on the "Mother Ensmeshed Men" subject, because I realised some time ago and even more recently, that my own father is a PD, and a MEM (mother enmeshed man-boy). I always said and knew I grew with a boy, that I was the Adult in my relationship with him, that I was the one who had to "give" and protect him.
So, it is still unhealthy, and it is still a branch of NPD, only that he was not violent towards me or my mother, he didn`t cheat or beat her or stuff like that. So you can say it is a mild-way branch of NPD. But he is totally enmeshed with his mother, he tortured me for years, talking to her non-stop on the phone.
So, this I guess only adds to the reasons of the Void in my life, before going into the whole exNarc charade and mess. I always knew he and my dad had SOMETHING similar, and now I think I know. They have the same "background", they are both unavailable and distant emotionally, and they both have mommy-issues unhealthy attachment.
OKAY, these being said, I come back to the title of my post. Remember Sam`s writings on the first person?
Well, I found somebody`s story that is awfully similar to everything WE have experienced here, and it is written and narrated by the disordered himself. I am in no way comercialising these stuff, or making fun of their abuse and disorder or anything like that, but I found some fragments that shed SO much light, on everything WE arleady said, and KNOW!
It`s just that, basically, he says it himself, without giving IT (the disorder) a name. I only started to read it, and the similarities to NPD are way too close:
Here is a fragment, and you have my opinion up. I say it`s NPD 100%.
"I'm ( age) now and a few weeks ago something became apparent to me. A huge fog cleared and I felt that for the first time in my life I actually knew who I was. It was an epiphany brought on by a random perusal of a DMS IV. I cannot put into words how shocking this was; for the first time in my life I was scared S...[BEEP]...LESS.
I now know I have a bad case of anti-social personality disorder and it has ruled (destroyed) my life. I attribute my age and the Wellbutrin to making this observation even possible. I can't tell you how scary it is to suddenly realize that all those years I was in a fog and had no idea how serious my problems were. The only outlying factor is that I am not physically violent (though my life has been a fog, I think some criminal record or something would show up if I were). I've seen a lot of jabber on the internet from people who talk about this disorder but have no idea; my ability to manipulate and lie is so honed I could do it to myself and even act out all those lies without even realizing any of it had happened! I can truly BE whatever you want me to be. I took a personality test and I was an ISFJ - totally fabricated in my mind. My mother created this fantasy in my mind and I simply subconsciously modeled it. I am actually an ESTP. I really believed I was doing 'normal' things throughout my life. I am a mirror who reflects your wants and desires back on you. It's so convincing it might as well be real. I've burned every 'friend' I've had, talk to no one except at work and my mom and siblings but I'm oddly extraverted and love the social scene at work (I'm a project manager). I just don't like the ties that bind. Yawn. I couldn't give a flying rat's ...[beep]... about anyone else's needs. I am a hyper-competitor, a machine built by nature that does not feel pain, pity or remorse. And I absolutely lack empathy. Words like that are just that, words. I never understood what they mean. My thoughts when I hear those words are the same as my thoughts when I hear someone talk about the tooth-fairy or Santa Claus. I always thought those were words for kool-aid drinkers and church builders. "
Here you are ladies and gents. I`m not a professional but this testimony SCREAMS NPD!
p.s. I`m in no way trying to make fun of this man`s issues or anything, but thought this could definetly be used as a proof that NPD is real, and yet so little known today in the world.
And last but not least, it is a proof that we did not IMAGINE the disorder, the pain, and hearing it again from the mouth of someone who has it (like Sam`s writings) IS scary! But also validating to all of us here, because we are not crazy, we have been to hell and back.
This is the link to the whole thing:
If the MODs consider this as being too triggering or I don`t know, attract unwanted attention, please remove the post. If it`s okay to stay, I am curious about your take on this.
Peace and blessings,