Cleaning up after the discard

Cleaning up after the discard
Posted May 10, 2012 - 1:13pm
0

Remember Groundhog Day? Every few days I get a call or an email or a Facebook overture from someone who does not realize my husband of 27 years moved out in October and has been alternately giving me the silent treatment, hoovering, and saying he wants a divorce and then doing nothing. do any of you find that the Ns who D&D not only leave you but just leave everything behind? He was a super dad, he really was, and now he's totally indifferent. we had a huge circle of really nice friends, he's checked out of that. hasn't told his family, lies when he sees people we know and just acts like everything is fine. I have known one or two other people in my life who have done something like this -- both individuals with major depression from extreme childhood traumas. my N had childhood traumas as well. is that an extra dollop of yuck on top of the classic N stuff or have others experienced this wholesale retreat from not just you but everything about a pretty full, happy life?

‹ Bewildered. Duped again! Think it may be time to say goodbye ›
wsh's picture

So glad to know

May 11, 2012 - 9:36am — wsh

I'm not alone! I also have one who hasn't told his kids, other family, friends, NO ONE KNOWS & it's a year since I filed for divorce & 8+ months since I forced him OUT. Just so unbelievable to me, especially since the one kid & one of his sisters were HUGE problems in our marriage! Kinda pisses me off that when we were together, these two were so interfering & "around" so damn much I couldn't stand it, yet NOW he hasn't even SPOKEN to them in months???? What's up with that?

Wallace's picture

My exNH didn't tell his

May 11, 2012 - 7:24am — Wallace

My exNH didn't tell his family that I had left him until the NIGHT BEFORE our lawyer's meeting to sign the settlement agreement! Then his brother flew down that morning to try to persuade me to give him another chance. I said a big fat NO! I think he was still in denial and thinking that he could hoover me back - he was still trying to use bullying tactics to get me to change my mind and even used the fact that his brother had flown in especially to try to guilt me into reconsidering! I mean, where in your life?? I think they can't cope with reality at all and almost use an ostrich method of burying their heads in the sand. I can't comment on the dad thing as we didn't have kids but if we had, he would def be trying to prove me an unfit mother etc etc and using the children against me as a method of control. Hang in there, the sooner you are rid of him the better.
xxx

Deidre99's picture

"Super dads" usually don't

May 10, 2012 - 9:21pm — Deidre99

"Super dads" usually don't treat their children's mother like shit.

Have you filed for divorce?

I am sorry you have been put through this.

Marlinmom's picture

Deidre, I agree

May 10, 2012 - 11:37pm — Marlinmom

...and I have looked at him incredulously and said where did you go? a year ago if I'd told you about someone acting this way you would have been disgusted. he's a very high functioning narc who I think just ran out of coping/managing/control. I look back and i see all the N tendencies, but he did manage to devote the time and attention to our daughters in what seemed like a very genuine way. now, he's just like another person. it's so disorienting. but thanks for the kind words. divorce soon.