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Very interesting article, thank you for posting. It brought up some interesting thoughts and a different perspective for me.... I'm going to do some more reading on this one.
Hi Goldie, mine is very self aware for a narc and he actually admitted that he had
NPD at the end of our marriage... I know you and I have discussed this in our one on one, but
I thought it may help others...
He knew he was different, that he didnt feel things the same way others did, he knew his relationships never worked out and that hen played a big part in that...he knew be was completely self absorbed and selfish! A few things he said to me in the which just confirms they do know what they are...( well mine did) guess I can't speak for all narcs!
" it's a personality disorder and there is no cure, so I have just accepted I will be an lonely old man!
" why would I want to change it works for me being like this, I get to do what I want, when I want with little consequence"
"it wouldnt matter how perfect you are, or what you did, it would never be enough, nothing is every enough for me, I always want more"
" I loathe my dad because of how selfish and self absorbed he is, but watching the way he has behaved while I was growing up, I see ALOT of advantages to what he does"
the benefit (if it could be called a benefit) of knowing my psycho/narc as a teenager, and then 25 years later as a full grown adult. I think when we were young, he didn't seem to know there was anything wrong with him. He was physically very attractive, a jock and popular, he was getting alot of positive feedback from most people, so he had alot of consistent narc supply, he probably experience very little narc injury at that point. But in the emails we shared almost 2 years ago, now as 40-something adults, he said many things that made me feel he was very aware of what he was. He talked about his "lack of empathy" and that he "didn't feel emotions like other people do", he didn't seem sad about it either, he seemed proud, like he felt superior to us weaklings that are effected by emotions. He never used the word narcissism, but he did say he and his wife went to 'counseling at her insistence' and thats when he also started using terms like his 'fear of abandonment' and what his 'triggers' were...who knows, this therapist might have had enough knowledge about narcs that they told him he was one. I think he knows, and I don't think it bothers him in the least.
This is a very interesting article Goldie. Thanks for the share! I don't agree completely with what Judith is reporting though, I believe the study focuses on "modern day" narcissists. Young people who are being taught to be a narcissist, the generation in this study was raised in an environment of greed, gluteny, self righteousness, "all about me", entitlement mentality. In other words, they were spoiled children who were taught the world evolves around them, and they were taught that THEY were very special, some were even taught that they were amazing. They were conditioned by parents at a very young age. Anything they wanted, they got, because they deserved it. There was no longer waiting until their birthday or holiday for a gift they wanted, they got it immediately, just because they wanted it. They also were given trophies whether they earned them or not, merely because they participated in the sport of choice, and were again, told they were the best.
The narcissist that the majority of members here have encountered are of the generations before this one(in the study), who were abandoned, abused, emotionally and/or physically, and have turned themselves into one unbeknownst to themselves. They are cruel, heartless, unloving, horribly disturbed in many cases. Whose main goal in life is to seek and destroy.
The kids in this study, are ego-inflated, self-centered idiots that were created this way by parents who swore to the world that they were going to raise their kids differently than they were raised. The "me" generation.
Just my thoughts.
The article was dead on when relating to the disordered 20 somethings, absolutely.
Great point Sparrow and I agree. The "new" narcassism carries a lot of arrogance with it but i think the hardcore ones which stems from a dysfunctional childhood affect people differently. There is also alot more self boasting going on these days. Mine would get on his laptop and look the word up to try and convince me his ex wife was one. I didn't know her so he never convinced me of it and he knew it and it drove him nuts. His friends all believed him but I was skeptical. He read books on it, etc. In the end when I sent my last email I told him he has severe NPD along with being a sociopath. I think it was projection I just didn't know it at the time.
I totally agree with you, Sparrow. I am a former school teacher. I saw the "entitlement mentality" as a huge problem with today's youth. You hit on the reason why that is perfectly. Many of today's youth have unhealthy "self esteem," instead of healthy. Schools are part of the problem. For years they've promoted "high self esteem," by praising students whether they put out effort or not. Praise was/is doled out for no reason at all. Also, kids often are not praised based on positive traits such as working hard or showing effort. Instead their egos are boosted by teachers or parents complimenting traits which the child has no control over, i.e. "You are so smart." Why are they so smart? Compliments need to be specific too. Like, "I like how you were kind to Johnny by helping him learn his multiplication facts. You really found a creative way to teach the facts by drawing pictures to show him why the answer is what it is. I'm proud you." Self worth, a feeling of respect and confidence in one's self, is important; however, self esteem just to make a child feel good, is a disservice to them as capable humans. A child is often made to feel as if he/she is the most important person in the world and can do no wrong. An acceptance of failure, helps them to better themselves and learn from their mistakes. Along with appreciating their self worth, children should be taught to value other's worth as well. It doesn't always happen because many are too focused on the "It's All About You, Sweetie," philosophy. (Ok. Hope I didn't get too off topic.)
I think my narcissist/parasite came more from an emotionally abusive home. He was pampered and was the "golden child" to his mother, however, love was often withheld. Hence, he is now a cruel, heartless, pathological nightmare, not the everyday run-of-the-mill, egocentric youngster.
This was a very interesting article. Very well written.
Great Article Goldie.. Did you all see the Dog Whisperer's photo attached to it..
OMG!!! He's the Poster Child..
They know, and sometimes try and communicate it like this:
"You have to accept me for who I am."
"I am what I am"
"Your expectations are too high."
"I don't know what you want from me."
Yes, I can see this now. It's like a whole new way of viewing this or something for me, today.
Looking back, I remember my ex said to me...
''I'm an asshole, dee. You won't change me.''
lol why didn't I runnnn?!
Just when I thought I understood (as best as I could) what narcissism is ...
This is excellent, thanks for posting this goldie.
NO,they don't,not one bit at all!
Been there for 28 years and they don't care a thing about
anything or anybody.
This,we will never understand...
Great article,very true,thanks alot Goldie!
article. And anyone who has dealt with a NPD for an extended period can attest to its truth. They know what they do.. they know how it affects others... they simply do NOT care... unless pretending to care get them some other form of supply.
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