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Wild ride
Ophelia
Member since:
1 year 14 weeks
1 year 14 weeks
Last activity:
30 weeks 1 day
30 weeks 1 day
Wild ride
Posted May 9, 2012 - 4:15pm
I'm somewhere between 3-4 mos NC. I just want to report for anyone else who is just starting out or earlier on than me, that it is a wild, wild ride, so don't be surprised or disappointed in yourself.
A few weeks ago I was on top of the world. I thought mine must have been the fastest recovery on Earth, thought it was all figured out and I was close to being free from pain and trauma. HA.
Yesterday, quite unexpectedly I spent much of the day in total despair and could only crawl into bed when I got home from work and bawl my eyes out. Worried about some physical issues I'm getting tested for, upset that he isn't there for me, and evidently doesn't give a damn if I live or die blah blah blah. It felt like January all over again, a bottomless pit of misery.
Today the pain has lifted again and am feeling almost normal and looking back on yesterday and surprised at how bent out of shape I was, not even sure what set it off. Stress about possible serious illness? Some trigger?
Bottom line is, when you're going through a hard time, a bad day, a desperately sad, despairing, miserable, lonely, feeling abandoned kind of day or days, please remember: it passes and you WILL be feeling better again.
It will pass. So hang on tight, be strong, cry as much as you need to--you'll be okay.
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
So true Ophelia, if I was
May 9, 2012 - 9:30pm — JourneySo true Ophelia, if I was physically tired it would be worse, being stressed and worried definitely has the same effect.
I hope everything is okay with you. Tests are scary, getting a few done myself, so can relate... xo
He isn't there for me
May 9, 2012 - 8:18pm — Reason2Believe...I know this feeling all too well. Today was a day (read Thoughts and Prayers) that I really could have used having him there for me. Both for the stress and then for the good news to share. Then I really thought about it and realized, that in 7 years he was NEVER there for me when I needed it. So why was today any different or did I even think of him being there??? WTF?
There are hours/days that I am filled with clarity and so relieved that he is gone AND then, out of nowhere, comes the wave of pain. I am thankful to be able to come here and get a reminder that I am on the right path.
Reason
I'm almost a year out and I
May 9, 2012 - 5:47pm — Looking AheadI'm almost a year out and I STILL have crappy days. And it really pisses me off - lol. Not crappy in that I cry or that I'm tempted to contact him (oh HELL no), just days where it seems like everywhere I turn are triggers. And these triggers are like little knives of pain that pierce through me. I feel like I should soooooo be over this by now. I don't miss him AT ALL, now that I know what he is (the great thing about NC and the clarity it brings), but I do miss the illusion. I realize that I now have ZERO tolerance for any guy that shows the slightest assclown, or even harmless annoying tendencies. My bar is set impossibly high and I don't think it's possible for any guy to measure up to it. If I can't have that feeling again (but for REAL this time) that I had when I was living the illusion, I just don't want it at all. That's what I hate and what pisses me off the most about my exN. He's caused me to be mistrustful and overly critical of every guy I meet. This was never me before, but apparently it's the NEW ME. Oh goodie.
SAME SAME SAME!!! What a
May 9, 2012 - 6:09pm — uncomfortablynumbSAME SAME SAME!!! What a source of NS it would be if they only KNEW they effed us up for ALL OTHER MEN!!!
I would cry if i had tears left...
N0...........
May 9, 2012 - 8:06pm — fallingfowardthey didn't mess us up for another man, they paved the way for any other narc to nver mess with us again. They paved the way for us to be in a healthy relationship next time, once we are healed.
Change the script.....
hugs
ff
Oh yes Thank You that sounds
May 9, 2012 - 8:13pm — uncomfortablynumbOh yes Thank You that sounds far far better!!!!
So true...I was just posting
May 9, 2012 - 5:05pm — uncomfortablynumbSo true...I was just posting earlier that the roller coaster ride still goes on even after they have gotten off and got on another one...dang...i sooooo very honestly for real can NOT wait for this ride to be over...this is the loopiest, highest ride I have ever been on, with the lowest crashes ever...I think I understand the emotional withdrawal the people I work with who detox from addictions..one of the girls I see said the scariest part of impending detox was the emotional part...I can see why, because when i hit the lows, all I want is the guy my narc pretended to be to come over and say it's gonna be all right from now on...he was my addiction.
Amusement Park..
May 9, 2012 - 5:00pm — HunterAint that the truth?.
I can tell you if you don't suck it up when your down you will never move forward...NC all the way..
Good job SUCKING UP..
BE STRONG..
Hunter
"Suck it up" LOL! Too true.
May 9, 2012 - 6:09pm — Ophelia"Suck it up" LOL! Too true. Ya gotta suck it up to survive. Next time I fall into one of those woe is me funks, which I'm sure won't be long, I'll come here for a kick in the butt and a can of Suck It Up from Ms Hunter!
I was in the same boat a
May 9, 2012 - 5:07pm — rebuildingmysoulI was in the same boat a couple of days ago, and you both gave me encouraging words. Indeed, it is a wild ride and there will be better days.