I'm somewhere between 3-4 mos NC. I just want to report for anyone else who is just starting out or earlier on than me, that it is a wild, wild ride, so don't be surprised or disappointed in yourself.
A few weeks ago I was on top of the world. I thought mine must have been the fastest recovery on Earth, thought it was all figured out and I was close to being free from pain and trauma. HA.
Yesterday, quite unexpectedly I spent much of the day in total despair and could only crawl into bed when I got home from work and bawl my eyes out. Worried about some physical issues I'm getting tested for, upset that he isn't there for me, and evidently doesn't give a damn if I live or die blah blah blah. It felt like January all over again, a bottomless pit of misery.
Today the pain has lifted again and am feeling almost normal and looking back on yesterday and surprised at how bent out of shape I was, not even sure what set it off. Stress about possible serious illness? Some trigger?
Bottom line is, when you're going through a hard time, a bad day, a desperately sad, despairing, miserable, lonely, feeling abandoned kind of day or days, please remember: it passes and you WILL be feeling better again.
It will pass. So hang on tight, be strong, cry as much as you need to--you'll be okay.