I've been posting and reading here and pretty much staying NC for the past 3 weeks. However, this week as a date of a trial is approaching, I'm beginning to think more and more about what would be the right thing to do.
I'm realizing that being with a disordered person really blurs the senses and while he spent countless nights and days hurting, abusing and accusing me of being a liar, bitch, whore and everything in between, I no know and see in my deepest part of my heart how this is all what was an illusion he created to keep me locked into his cycle of abuse and spinning downward in EVERY sense, ethically as well
so about a year ago, after more than 3 years of abuse and me feeling like I'm on the verge of a complete mental, emotional and physical breakdown, the disordered got into a discussion with me on the phone, I was telling him how I've had it with his abuse, name calling, berating, putting his hands on me, violating me in every sense and using me financially in the worse, most inhumane way I've seen to the point of me leaving my job and having to leave the area and go live with family and not having barely any funds!! so after this discussion where I was crying on the phone, telling him he could never bring me back the years I lost but that he should at least pay back the tens of thousands of dollars he took ungratefully and horribly from me. He laughed it off and as usually, told me I owe him nothing, I hung up the call and kept walking down the street, telling myself I just need to get my life on track and start from point zero. As I was down the street, the disordered decided it was a good idea to come toward me on his car and drive up the sidewalk I was on coming close to me, I jumped to a grass area and was panicking, feeling like I've had it with the violations. I called 911, he of course left the scene with a smile on his face. two people cutting the grass nearby saw it and gave their statements to the police. So he gets arrested. that was a year ago, and I was still tied into his world of madness so I show up in court and I ask for the stay away order to be removed. I go to grand jury and just say how he has not been abusive and that was a very isolated incidence, he even had me convinced (through a combination of raging at me and being nice and kind occasionally) that it would be a good idea to tell the jury and court that we have NEVER had a romantic relationship!! (this is someone who I've been romantically involved with for 3.5 years) they said he couldn't handle having a Domestic violence case on his record and that stating that we're not involved will dispel the ground for that. Me being stupid and spinning in his world of distortions where anything just goes whenever he wants it, while he's punish me for even speaking to male co-workers and accuse me of sleeping with everyone and lying, this is the same person who talked me into LYING!!
All of this, has led to the charges being reduced but I guess prosecution is still convinced something did happen despite all my statements of how not much, if any has happened. Now there's a trial (non-jury trial) scheduled for next month. I feel at this point that I either don't want to me part of this at all or that I want to go and tell the truth, let it be known how he completely screwed with me on all levels for years. I'm not sure if it's too late or what to do. Will I be judged, picked on..his defense even told me that the way they see this resolved is if I basically testify that I made a false report (basically to say I lied to law enforcement) or to say I'm prone to delusions and altered reality and made this up (crazy in other words) I know I'm NEITHER of these things. I did not lie and he's been abusive BEYOND this one incident and I'm not crazy and i don't make up my own reality..
If the case does not get dropped somehow before next month, then I'm expected to be there (I'm not in the same area right now but will be around during next month most likely)
I have not yet been contacted by his lawyers as of recent, but the DA office said they were going to review the case and let me know, but they have not gotten back to me, and I have a feel they may decide to proceed and go through with it regardless..
Please advice if you've been through similar situations and or can offer some legal advice. is there any regard to the fact that sometimes women make statements out of fear, abuse, brainwashing but once they wake up, they want to tell the truth without being judged or called crazy or liars..