My ex moved in an entirely new family within two months of me leaving the house we had shared as a family. I was devastated when I found out. I remember thinking who does that? How can he just move in another family, see another woman use up the space that I had just occupied, my side of the closet the drawer drawers. More important how could he sit there and watch another child use our childrens rooms? Who does that!!
I obsessed over her for months before I could finally let it go. I read and re-read everything on OW, all of that information really helped. She matters none!
Well just recently I ran into a mutual friend that told me that the OW had left him, he was now all alone (poor narc boy). Later in the day, as I was reflecting on the news and I started to think back on how news of her had effected me I couldn't help to think what a waste of time it all was. Knowing that she is now gone didn't change one thing for me.
It did not change the pain I have gone through, it did not change the fact that I have had to really look at myself, my failed marriage, my ex husband with new eyes. It didn't change a thing. So why had I let it matter so much?
I can only think that during that time since everything was so new, the divorce, the psycho/NP stuff, I latched onto her and projected (yes that ugly word!) all my anger and hurt to her. It gave me something solid to blame, but it was truly a waste of time. All it did was give me one more thing among the million other things I had to work through. It certainly did not lessen my load!
So to all you newbies, if your ex has an OW, don't focus on her, it is a waste of time and energy. Everything that has anything to do with the NARC is a waste of time. Focus on you, your healing. Learn all you can about narcissism, understand the illness and then focus on your healing.