Register and join our discussion in the Message Board
I've read a true sociopath can't cry, not with real tears.
I never saw even a glisten of a tear in those dead beady eyes.
No empathy when I cried (which was all the time).
fake crying. I've never seen anything like it. And he had told me that he hadn't cried since his father commited suicide (15 years ago). And then he was crying to me -- tears running down his face -- that he loved me, but the tears were fake. So I called him on it and it was like shutting off a faucet. It completely freaked me out.
more than a few times but it seemed so phony
I hardly ever saw mine cry and there were barely tears when he did. He cried when his dad died and when our dog died. He used to try to comfort me when I cried but later in our relationship he would just ask me if I wanted him to hold me.
Yep he cried a few times actually:
When we broke up. But it was like...10 seconds of sobbing and then nothing. Probably completely fake.
He once wrote me a song and played it for me and teared up. (In the love bombing phase)
He once was talking about our future and said that he was afraid he was going to die and leave me all alone (he had cancer when he was 20), and he teared up. I think they were more tears for him though.
Once teared up talking about how our wedding would be the happiest day of his life. Whatever!
And then a couple times he like, sobbed as soon as I saw him over school stress he said. Like, I walked into his room and he clutched me like a little kid and started sobbing. Said he was over stressed.
Told me a couple of times that he never cried at his grandpa's funeral and I could tell he thought it was weird.
Who the hell knows what the tears meant. He told me that the first time we broke up he called his brother to tell him I had ended things and that he was crying so hard he had to hang up the phone. Probably a lie!
They are so confusing
Over the 19 years we were together, mine cried a LOT. He was an A-list actor (well, not really, but he could be) and he always used his tears to his advantage. To me, that's more evil than not crying at all.
Mine cried once over the phone to me when his dog died, like toddler type of crying, it was sad, did not even cry he told me when a close relative of his died and even admitted something must be wrong with him.............he said when he was crying 'everything I love gets taken away from me" my therapist said it sounded like he never got the unconditional love from his mother. He got real distrubed though if i cried which was not often at all.
Mine never cried and didn't like for me to cry either!
rageful, irritated, annoyed, and contemptuous, in my mind when I think of his face, he always has a look of arrogance, anger or contempt, as thats what he usually felt. I have never once seen him cry, not once. I've known him since he was 15, he never cried that I saw, not when his mother attempted suicide (he is the one who found her and rushed her to the hospital-he told me she arranged it that way so HE would be the one to find her, as he was her 'favorite' son), he didn't cry or even express emotion when his parents divorced while we were just graduating high school. Other than to call the woman his Dad was having an affair with the "C" word, rage was his most well developed emotion. Sometimes when I read some posts on here describing your narcs, I think how I would've been so convinced by them also, some of your narcs could display sweetness, kindness, faked empathy so well that it was believable. My narc wasn't kind, he wasn't even nice to children. He was a first class dick, and I am shaking my head that I was fooled for so long!
like a broken toddler at the drop of a hat. Huge, disturbing sobbing fits that usually were brought on whenever I asked a question or pointed out something that troubled me.
He did it, like he did his pounding on himself) to deflect from the issue at hand and to turn whatever was happening into All About Him and calming him down, making him feel better, etc. etc.
Initially I bought into it. Toward the end I was completely unmoved. It was very disturbing and most unattractive. I have never ever seen a grown man sob and weep like that.
The one time I prompted a non-disordered man to cry because of something terribly hurtful I said (to my ex-husband) it disturbed me for days...still does. Freak Boy's tears were fake and self-serving. The mere memory of it makes me want to gag.
I might add he was diagnosed as borderline with schizophrenic tendencies. I learned this after the final D & D from his ex (a conversation I regret having). She had tried to warn me earlier but of course I didn't believe a word of it, he told me she was the crazy one. And he was, after all, a cop, so he passed the psych test. That's scary...later the ex told me she helped coach him as to appropriate affects and responses. He didn't even go to the police academy until he was age 32. It was his third professional career...I might also add he has a master's degree in psychology.
One time when he and I were talking about a Detroit police sergeant who had gunned down his Detroit cop wife when they agreed to meet at a public library (she did everything right...agreed to meet in a public place...he shot her in the back as she was walking away then he sat in his car for an hour before killing himself), I was so insensed by it and so upset and angry (cops are FREAKS, no offense to anyone), I said "I can't believe he passed the psych test!" and Freak Boy looked me straight in the eye and said "I passed the psych test." It was as if he was admitting how f'ed up he was...if only I would have listened to my gut and the chills I got when that was his response.
Whatever. So glad it's history. Sorry for the long rant. Some of these things still crop up after 18 blissful months out! By the way, the Detroit sergeant was also on the cop show 48 hours. His selfish cowardly actions orphaned a 10 year old boy. Ugh.
I will never ever again ignore the red flags. Even the slightly pink ones. Never ever again.
(not) spinning. THE SICK FREAK WAS DIABOLICAL, BUT HE COULDN'T TAKE ME DOWN!
...wow same here, Spinning. Yes looking back now I see what a blatant pathetic attempt this was to deflect and bring everything back to the most important thing, making the disordered one feel better. Of course I played into it too, trying to console. Nevermind what was going on on our lives, right?
I could have waltzed in an announced I had terminal cancer and xN would find a way to bring the focus back onto herself!
"One time when he and I were talking about a Detroit police sergeant who had gunned down his Detroit cop wife when they agreed to meet at a public library (she did everything right...agreed to meet in a public place...he shot her in the back as she was walking away then he sat in his car for an hour before killing himself), I was so insensed by it and so upset and angry (cops are FREAKS, no offense to anyone), I said "I can't believe he passed the psych test!" and Freak Boy looked me straight in the eye and said "I passed the psych test." It was as if he was admitting how f'ed up he was...if only I would have listened to my gut and the chills I got when that was his response."
Wooowwww....thats fucked up. Talk about an admission.
"I will never ever again ignore the red flags. Even the slightly pink ones. Never ever again"
Hehe the slightly pink ones! I like that. Me neither!! xo
That we're talking about it... he cried when my dog died. A dog he professed to dispise... I think he saw me crying and decided that was the appropriate emotion for the occassion ... so he cried to. I doubt if it was even real now that I know he's a NARC... but at the time, I fell for it and thought that maybe he really did like the dog after all.
actors... that's all they are. And if they aren't sure what's appropriate... they mirror us. Unless THEY are the ones making us cry.. then it's just a power trip for the KING!
1) at our wedding - it was a show he orchestrated - he chose the place, the date, spent all the money so I didn't have a dress or a ring ($250 ring). He even chose the dishes.
2) when the dog that he HATED died, because it was the right thing to do. And then he told everyone how he didn't realize how much he like him until he died. I think he put poison out, he had just killed all my squirrels in the yard, but I was still to ignorant to realize what was happening. He had said that once the dog and my mom are gone, I will be able to be his 24/7. that's when I first woke up.
3) when I finally said I was done. Then I got a big fat crocodile tear. It was like big forced 10 second show, complete with pleading and begging and promising he'd change.
He shed one tear when my dog died. I wondered at the time too, maybe he did like him after all - and then the next minute I wondered if he didn't put some poison out in the yard.
Guilt tears were the only ones he shed.....when I was in bits when he was leaving us - I said I couldn't make him love me anymore, he cried, said he was sorry but his feelings had dimished 5 months before. Nice of him to carry on letting me live a lie for 5 months whilst he got himself a new job so he could afford to live without me. He hated showing any emotion - he said I him unhappy, he settled for me and he didn't like me - well right back at you sunshine!!
He obsessively watched chick flicks (weird!), lived in the fantasy of "ideal love", always watching reruns of Love Actually, Four Weddings and a Funeral and Holiday - reckoned he was like Jude Law - think he's an N too!!!!
My Ex-Narc had shed some tears but I doubt if the tears were ever meant for me but a big show. he lack empathy so that how I know they weren't tears with real emotions.
oh yes he cried .. when I went NC for the first time we broke up.... it was all bollocks though and a way to hoodwink me into going back to him... xx
Yes, mine cried. He says he cries for certain sappy movies. I have seen him cry during upsetting documentaries. He cried when I was with him for my first visit to his city and realized I loved him and was upset that I had to leave to return to my city after a few weeks and couldn't be with him, I was sobbing and he cried too.
This is what I don't understand at all
How is it possible that a Narc can cry during a sappy movie, or an upsetting documentary??
If they have no empathy for anyone what stirs up those emotions??
Also, the music my exN listened to makes no sense to me either. He listened to music from the moment he got up (while showering), during dinner, in the car, working out, in the OR when he was operating, and put a CD in when we went to bed EVERY night.
A few of his music choices were:
Why would a Narc listen to such beautiful music that would make him feel tons of emotions??
I would think they would stay far, far away from music that has meaningful lyrics because it would remind them of how empty the are inside
Sorry if this is a stupid comment. I was just curious.
to some really beautiful classical music. It made me think he was sooo sensitive and unlike any man I've ever known. I don't think your comment is stupid, it's just interesting how the pieces fall into place once you know what they are.
I realize that my narcissist TOLD me that he liked listening to certain pieces of music. He probably lied about that too.
Mine would cry at the drop of a hat. Nothing real or sincere about it.
I think some things made him cry because they made him feel sorry for himself, some movies reminded him of his own pain(even if it the parallels were only in his own twisted imagination).
Also, these guys/gals are on a continuum and some of them may have something resembling "feelings" even if they can only really have them toward inanimate, fictitious objects like books and movies.
I'm going to insert a bunch of stars in this sentence because he used it so many times...I don't know I just want to hide it... telling me he "cr*i*ed l*iKe* a l*i*t*tle g*i*rl in a p*nk dr*ss" for... that Eastwood movie about bridges in a corn-producing state was cute when he first told me, I thought wow, what a sensitive guy, and so strong to admit he likes such a chick flick. I was so impressed. He said he had seen it so many times and read the book too. Probably the 'impossible love' situation about it appeals to him immensely. Ironic that the last time we saw each other I was getting into my girlfriend's truck with my luggage, pretending not to see him while he stood in the middle of his street looking "bewildered" after us as we drove off--after he D&D'd me and I decided to get the hell out of Dodge (his house) immediately even though he said it wasn't necessary.. sort of a warped version of that scene from the movie..
but I digress... bastard...
I believe they cry for themselves, these movies and songs are a big pity party for them, them, them. But they can't do it for anyone but them.
Mine even wrote music. Some of it was extremely romantic. One night he was singing, "I love you, on and on. and he looked up at me and said "Women love this shit."
There you have it.
So are you saying he played that type of music and cried during those movies for an act??? Just to so women think he is a sensitive and romantic kinda guy?
He never cried, never. He gets lots of supply with the music and he tells every woman he's a small town DR. Just wait til they have to pay for everything.
Feel sorry for the loser.
That's what I don't get. Mine was so cheap with me and my children. Actually his own, too.
My gf and her husband know that as well because we traveled a lot with them to NYC and he NEVER bought me anything!! It really bothered them that he stood right next to me in shops and let me pay for stuff he knew I loved!!! He spent plenty on himself, though!! This guy makes 700k a year so it wasn't going to break him to by me a freakin" shirt!
But with his NS...he buys her and those kids every expensive thing he can. His son is disgusted by it because he is trying to get in Med School and his dad bitches about his Application fees while spending thousands on OW and her kids
I simply don't get that behavior at all!! He constantly bitched about spending money all the time...Now all of a sudden he is "Daddy Warbucks"???????????
see Vaknin's video Narcissist's Victims' Many Faces
thanks lily....going to look it up now
Mine never, ever cried. He was a great actor. He could rage, fain sadness, or pity (which was very obviously fake...even his laughter and smile were fake). But he thought crying showed weakness. Instead, when something got a little too much for him, he would get this icy cold glare. I've really only seen this from one other person (a definite narcissist). It was as if there was nothing but evil behind his mask that so accidentally would slip.
He once tried to cry. It was all very melodramatic. I actually couldn't help myself. I laughed. He RAGED like I've never seen.
Sheridan says there are true psychopaths - born that way. Think Hare was the first to scan their brains to determine that.
Then there are protopsychopaths. Something happened to them, childhood trauma, brain injury, or drug & alcohol induced.
Wonder if that makes a difference?
Most people told me that their Ns cried. Mine never had a bit of moisture come out of his eyes that I ever saw. Maybe mine was a true psychopath? Very interesting. Hmmmm. Now I'm curious.
Mine cried when when watching video's of animals dying, or clips of war. Or when he was moving political speeches. He was crying when President Obama delivered the State of the Union.
When he told me he beat the shit out of his 15 year old daughter for talking back and that he "felt bad", no tears.
My ex fiancee N cried...he cried over his behavior at times, how he treated me when being a jerk, he cried when he left for bootcamp, he cried when he returned, he cried when his father cried, he cried when he left the very last day of our relationship...he cried and said "I am sooo sorry". He cried when we discussed how devastated my son would be not having his "stepdad" around...but not sobbing, more like watery eyes and he would get red, but not boo hoo hoo'ing. He actually had a pretty good array of emotions, I even thought he was way more introspective than any other N I had been with (exNH NEVER cried, but ex Nbf cried a little at times). After he left, he was COLD AS ICE...no SHRED of EMOTION AT ALL, completely dismissive of my feelings...it was ALL ABOUT HIM!!!
I think it was real. Perhaps he did feel sorry for himself. I am not sure. I related to this comment >>He actually had a pretty good array of emotions<<
Also an artist and musician. SOmeone told me once that they can be passionate about doing things, but never really succeed because they spend so much energy and time on trying to control other people.
Hard to believe someone that is artistic could be so cold.
Millions of times...but when I cried he just stood there grinning...
Of course, he got an A plus in acting!
My N could tear up at a drop of a hat. Emphatic about it to make him sincere! I fell for it for a little while. Upon reflection he only teared up when it was about him!
My stbxNPDh has cried. But only for himself and his pain. Never any empathy for me or mine.
I so identify
he left me for ow with 2 devastated children and my own hurt and shock andtrauma to manage. It has all but killed me. Then he cries that he is falling and begging for my help.
I also begged and he walked away
So yes, now he cries, but only for himself....
It was the worst performance I had ever seen!!
No tears, but a wet spot in the corner of one eye.
That happens if you close your eyes tight enough and long enough.. It was pathetic.
When I cried he got nervous, went in the other room and paced with a sneaky look on his face.. They are soooo scary.
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.