I sometimes feel like a bad person wishing that he would pay for everything that he did..I´m a very spiritual person..and usually not the kind to wish wrong to others, but i think it might be just normal to feel like this sometimes.
I immigrated to the US just after I graduated as an Architect in my native country in Central America. I had a chance to work with a firm in Miami through a working visa, I was kind of living the American dream..working hard but moving ahead in a promising career. I was a single mom back then of a 3 year old daughter. I was happy with what I had accomplished in my life so far and that’s when I met him.
He seem to be like fallen from heaven…a handsome and good hearted man, looking to settle down, with values and dreams like mine, he too was an inmigrant , an industrial engineer and graphic designer from Colombia –south america, and he too had the chance to work with a company in the US. We met; we fell in love and got married after a few months from dating. My daughter became his…they seem to have connected and nothing made me more happy than the fact that I have found my soul mate and my future seem really bright. Nothing could´t go wrong.
The first years we were really happy: we was really caring, loving, warm towards me and my daughter, who by then became OUR daughter. As time went by I started to see the red flags that we all deny to see. His relationship with his parents was extremily toxic for our marriage…they usually emotionally manipulated him over money..and his mom..whom now I don´t really doubt that she is also a narcissist started to show her true colors as well, but back then he was a victim of his parents abuse.
One day out of the blue, someone knocked on our door to let us know that he was being deported back to Colombia.His case had been denied. I was in shock!! To make story short…they took him and I did what I could to get him out, but it was useless. So by the end of that month (xmas) he was back in his country and he was debasted for us to be apart. I decided that we were a family and he the man I loved,and in no way was more important any material things over us being together again. So guess what? I quit my job..quit my visa.., shipped all our belongings , took my things and my daughter and took the first plain I could to Colombia.
First of all it was a strange country for me but I tried really hard to fit in, it was back then when he started to work 24/7, he had managed to keep his job with the company in US but working from Colombia as an outsourcing…it was the beginning of his withdrawing. At the beginning I thought it was just stress…but the times were longer and longer everytime. By then I started feeling lonely but tried to be supportive. That year I got pregnant and had a miscarriage by the 6th week. It was then that I started to see the changes more and more often. I never received his emotional support during all the grieving, he pretended like nothing happened..and was really cold towards my suffering. I felt more lonely than ever and got in to a deep depression which was the final struck to see his real true self. By then him I was submitted to the ignoring treatment most of the time. I was treated like if I was a retared none able to do anything right…I was frustrated because I could not get a job nor even received any real interest from his part to help me get one or help me get on track in the new place with the new people,since I was a foreign in that country. It was all about him by then..he bragged about the good job he had..the fact that he could travel to other countries for business trips..and all the superficial bullshit that people in his world worships. I was became his shadow, the trophy wife..It was mostly only in front of other people that he treated me in a good way or talked to me, he loved prentending we were OK…by then I was becoming really ill..mentally and physically.
When I started to rebel…he confused me acting thoughtful again…buying us some fancy vacation trip, or some kind of gift or just acting like he did in the beginning warm and caring , doing things for me like cooking, taking me out for a couple of days and then back to the same shit….the isolation of the fucking IGNORING TREATMENT.
I was really low in my depression..read like crazy trying to figure out to to fix things..the more I tried the more down I felt.We went to thepary..and he managed to convince the therapist that everything was only because of my depression, he was fine..our marriage was fine. I was seen things. So was prescribed some medications and It was then like something snapped and realized that I needed to helpmyself..I did snapped and realized that I needed to helpmyself..I did not take medications but started a EDM treatment which helped me a lot. So I started to feel better…and he started to act full time without pretending. He truly transformed. He started to do things intentionally to hurt me…He had an affair..I was debastated. He then put the mask on for a while..and tryied to turn things around. He asked me for sometime alone..he needed me to travel to give each other sometime off to see if we could “work in our marriage”. Gosh I feel so stupid now!! He thought me in to getting back to my country with my daughter, while we figured a way to maybe settle there. “He needed time to think”. I needed so much to belive him.
So I left with my daughter and with only a few things….meantime…he started to withdraw again…and I suffered so much expecting to see what he promessed. It was like he threw a bone once in a while to keep me waiting. Parallel to this he was always kind and loving to my daughter..which made me more stuck to the idea that he was really being honest, nonetheless , he called her..talked to her, while ignoring me.
He then got in a fight with his boss over a raise…and ended up quitting out of pride. He then got back to talking to me all kind and concerned as always…he swore that as soon as he got financially better he would take his things and move to with us to my country (where I am now).
I must say that he always remained economically responsible sending us money. He was really depressed , he like me,was not able to find a good job…or not the type of Ego booster job that he had. After 7 months of giving him emotional support , being there for him like always…he finally got his job back and flew to Nicaragua to see us.
Supposedly to plan our new life together, he promised the fairy tale ending, I thought God had listened to my prayers..He spent a month here and promised to be back in 3months after he had sold our things and gathered the money for us to start a new beginning here.
So he left..and I waited..and he started the withdraw again after only 2 months..and to my surprised only weeks from the date when he supposedly was to be here… He even didn’t have the balls to be honest..I was the one who confronted him to set the record straight…and that pissed him off, He dumped me over the phone without any remorse..he was a complete asshole..and acted like he didn’t give a shit.
Days after I begged, he anwer by saying some stupid bullshit about he loving me so much..but he could not be happy If he moved back with us, for he couldn’t risk no being able to provide for us. Therefore he rather sacrifice himself staying away from us. He ended the email by saying: Im sorry that im causing you all of this pain, I hate myself for it. I love you both with the bottom of my heart.
And So…I begged again! Begged him to reconsider..asking him for forgiveness if I ever didn’t understood him enough…or made him feel loved enough…
I called, and guess what I received the most insensitive response ever..he was cruel…and made it very clear that he no longer wanted anything with me..he wanted to see other people.he really broke my heart even deeper!
The next day..I receive an aim in my bb from him acting like if nothing had happened….which I did not answer..i took the courage that I didn’ have for the last torturing 2 years and deleted him..from every where..and it was painful but decided to end up with at least some dignity if I still had some..and went No contact since then.
Since then I have not talked to him at all..i decided he could have all the things..for I do not care to fight for it..i do not want to have any contact with him what so ever.
Since then..he still cares for my daughter..calls her..talks to her , I have allowed this since to my daughter hi is really her dad..she truly loves him..and it would break my heart to break hers.He remains sending money every month…which I take only because I need to by the moment…but trust me I wish I didn’t at all. If in any case he needs to address me regarding any money issue, I only allow it by email..and my responses are YES, NO or ok. That’s all.
He has another woman now..in fact he dumped me beacuse of her..she is the typical barbie steriotype. He got himself a new look..a new car..a raise..travels..etc. So now by now can you can imagine why I ask about karma!
I probably have been brave at least at the end..but I must confess that I have struggle everyday to break my addiction and codependency. I have seen the darkest days of my life…cried myself to sleep like a little girl…and fight the blame that he made me believe I had in all of this. I stared to looked for answers…trying to soothe my heart..and I found this website which has been a real blessing!
Thank You all for your support…I truly hope we all heal and be happy someday soon…God bless You all.