I know exactly how you feel...it happened to me last Sunday afternoon. I shook inside for the rest of the day and night. The difference is that I didn't have to interact with him; he turned and left when he saw the look in my eyes. If I'd had to deal directly with him, I am not sure I could have been as strong as you were.

You did exactly what you should have done, and maintained your grace and dignity. That is HUGE! I'm so happy for you, that you didn't break down, especially in front of him. He does not deserve any of the satisfaction of knowing that he was able to shake you up like he did. What a TYPICAL thing for these loser bastard assholes to do, and how deliberately CRUEL.

You've been so strong and encouraging for all of us that it's sometimes hard for me to remember that you're struggling, too. I'm so sorry you had to deal with him again, but proud of your determination. I'm sure he expected you to call him or contact him in some way after his appearance, so pat yourself on the back for not falling for his trickery!

Good job of staying true to YOU, dear Janie.

Love,

THB

There are some positives to take from this....and they are that you did handle it wonderfully, you survived it and now proved to yourself that if it happens in the future you WILL survive it again!!!

I too, live looking over my shoulder daily and it is a horrible way to live. Our scars run deep and as I read on one of your comments after your post, you say it will be a life long struggle. Scars never heal, but Janie you wont struggle forever....you cant allow that because you are stronger than that!!!!!

It takes a courageous and endearing woman to want to use her horrific experience to be someone else's strength. I know you will continue and have helped tons of us on here (me for one:) but You have to be easier on yourself....

Im sorry you experienced this....I dread that day that Im sure will come eventually! If it helps...focus on how you made it through it, not on HIM and his evilness!!!!

Sending big hugs your way!!!

xoxo

He did elicit a reaction which annoys me to no end. No, he didn't see it for I was completely composed but I slept poorly and woke up very angry. I am way beyond missing or wanting him. I accepted this disorder and the realization that he is and never will be capable of existing like a human being and his intention was to destroy me and my family.

I'm angry at the horrible injustice for those of us who want them out of our lives, who have worked hard to learn about ourselves and work our on issues to prevent being narced again.I talk about choices and have made excellent choices, as I advise to all of you here. And he can just walk in to my place of employment to haunt me. This injustice infuriates me.

I am far from healed, this journey will be life long for me but when I muster up the emotional and physical strength, I will find my way to make a difference to help others. Not sure how but damn it, I will.

Stay true!
Janie

this is horrible.... good for you for staying true!!!! gald you managed to keep cool... hopefully as he had no response this will be the end of it. Do you think they do know the effect these encounters have? xx

One thing I noticed with the ex after the relationship was over and the few times I was unfortunate enough to run into him is:

They are masters at revising history. If there is sympathy to be gained, they will play up your perceived transgressions 'against' them. They must always be the victim - always. If they were the aggressor, they will downplay or completely change the script in order to avoid any responsibility for their actions.

The ex did something else I found curious. At this point, I was pretty much examining him like he was in a petri dish; not the person I was completely devoted to before I discovered he was a narc and did the research.

But he would talk to me like 'our' relationship was something he was viewing as an outsider. Almost giving me advice; like he wasn't a direct party to any of it. It was positively bizarre. I don't know if he was doing that as a self-defense kind of thing; to keep emotions out of it - or if that is truly how he operated even while in the relationship. His actions while we were together certainly indicate as much.

Janie, I am so sorry you were hoovered today by your Ex-Narc. I hope he doesn't plan on coming back again. I know your're a strong person and you can over come this. keep focus on yourself and remember this about your healing. :-)