Raging

Raging
Posted May 7, 2012 - 3:22pm
0

I am not totally sure what happened, what has come over me, but it has been brewing all day. My anger is boiling over. I want to tell him what dumb fucking lying asshole he is so bad! He’s such a lying PIG! My feeling is that (because he volunteered that he wouldn’t do this) he is bad-mouthing me. I feel like some people are looking at me funny or not at all. I am enraged! I am also mad at myself because I have been doing better but continue to make bad decisions (like drinking) which lead to more bad decisions. I’m on overwhelm. 

‹ Bitchy Benefits and Mean Mommy - No Soft Boundaries No regrets............... ›
awalkinthenarc's picture

thats what im talkin bout

May 8, 2012 - 5:19pm — awalkinthenarc

tell that bastard he aint worth the shit on your shoe. cause hes not. i swear hes not, none of them are theyre hateful hurtful people who have you all stuck.

Im_always_fine's picture

It might be the fullmoon! I'm

May 7, 2012 - 10:48pm — Im_always_fine

It might be the fullmoon!

I'm super triggered today. I feel SAVAGE!!

His X HO BAG trash mother of his son sent a note to my son(saying her son wants the laptop)with a message for me that if that's not good enough she can have it notarized and is that's not enough she'll "let Brent handle it" Brent being her lawyer boyfriend. ?!!!!!!!! Are you pointing your lawyer BF at me and pulling the trigger?? Really?
I know his X wife who is also a lawyer and who's BED you were dinking him in on your lunch breaks...I'm pretty confident she'll represent me PRO BONO...lets do this...just for the fucking fun of it!!!

When the NARC/pimp moved out I kept a laptop that my son uses. THEIR son has just burnt out his 3rd brand new laptops and now wants this one(pretty old but just keeps going)...one that wasn't good enough for him when he had his state of the art laptops.
I told the NARC/pimp to have his son call my son. OHHHHHHH!!! No he can't do that, his son is scared of ME. Then the mom said he isn't ALLOWED to phone here. WHAT?! Nothing but bullshit back and forth.

My bottom line? If his kid wants the laptop let him ask my son for it. I will not just scoop it and give it to that kid...frankly he's an snotty asshole like his dad.

I talked to my son. He said yeh no problem let the kid call him. He'll give up the laptop. But he wants to be treated with dignity with phone call from the person who wants the laptop.

Now threats and ultimatums.

I'm just WILD. I posted on facebook "my counter offer is GO FUCK YOURSELF"

Oh yeh...let's get in the ring...I'm hopping...and jabbing...and thumbing my nose...yeh.

But I see so many others are right now too. Could be a bad week for NARCS everywhere.

awalkinthenarc's picture

i love your counter offer

May 8, 2012 - 5:21pm — awalkinthenarc

add a dildo and he may be ready to settle

Trainwreck56's picture

Mine did the same thing!

May 7, 2012 - 3:55pm — Trainwreck56

I'd go in the bar with him where we hung out and people
were treating me strangely...I presume it was beacuse
MR. BACK STABBER was spewing poison!!

They are all on to him now, and know its him, not me!

The are all worthless pieces of shit!

I don't give a flying F what his NARC-PAYCHO family thinks
or any of his CROINIES!!

FUCK EM!

NCNCNCNC

WE ARE ALL BETTER THAN THE FILTH THEY ARE!

HUGS

TW

Deidre99's picture

You know who you are. You

May 7, 2012 - 3:54pm — Deidre99

You know who you are. You know what happened.

I used to be a total people pleaser, always worried over what people thought of me. The ex N bad mouthed me to anyone who would listen, I was told. He bad mouthed me to ME.

There will come a time, when you no longer care what he tells anyone. If he takes out a billboard calling you names...calling you 'crazy.'

You know truth. Your truth IS truth. His truth are lies.

Just remember that. Your truth is all that matters. Soon enough, you won't care what others 'think they know,' because you know who you are...and no longer need anyone's approval or validation.

Hang in there

DJ's picture

Must be something in the air today

May 7, 2012 - 3:39pm — DJ

Btrfly Girl... I hear you. I posted something similar today about being weak. I am also very angry. BUT, if you did tell him what a fucking lying asshole he is... he would only turn it around and you would end up feeling bad. Trust me, I had done that and they can be vicious, not to mention that by contacting him even when you are angry just gives them more supply.
As far as bad-mouthing you, mine did the same to me for months. they want to make sure that they make US out to be the bad ones, in hopes that will distract everyone from seeing what THEY really are.
In fact mine, and his OW bad-mouthed my kids and had her kids harassing mine at school! Anyway, back to you. Lets stay strong and keep reading and talking on the forum, it really does help. I was all ready to turn block off this morning and after gaining some good insight I am over it... for now.
I've have made bad decisions too (when drinking) ugh! So I definitely understand that.

this shall pass's picture

I think it's normal to

May 7, 2012 - 3:36pm — this shall pass

I think it's normal to experience thee waves of anger and rage and feeling like you just want to let him know how deeply hurt you are by what he did. I have been feeling this way and even playing over in my mind what I would tell him if I ever saw him. I also thought what he'd say to others if they ask about me. but overall, I think it's normal for such thoughts to occur, but please recognize that anger and rage are also energy..energy spent thinking about him and brewing with rage. energy that we're still giving and feeding to those that hurt us. Acknowledge those feelings but don't spend too much time stuck in the.
My advice to you is to find one way that helps you and symbolizes in a way to you the letting those thoughts and emotions out and releasing them (But without communicating with him) for some it can be in the form of writing, so that they come out and onto the paper which you can later burn, discard or do whatever you want with..

I also hope that you will find healthier ways to let go of this rage. drinking is not the best way and it actually numbs the emotions, which need to surface and come out and be processed by our emotional body. Drinking hinders this process. Please take the time to find what works best for you in order to release this anger. I'm going through it and it surely feels very unpleasant specially that it fluctuates

Wishing you well on your journey toward healing and being anger-free.

BtrflyGrl's picture

Thank you ladies for the

May 7, 2012 - 3:47pm — BtrflyGrl

Thank you ladies for the support. I know that I shouldn't be drinking, and I have been trying not to. I just get so full of anxiety and tired of feeling I go for the easy way out. I don't want to feel out of control like this all the time, so I numb. But I also don't want to be numb or a drunk alcoholic idiot. I am a good decent loving person. It is not my plan to kill myself off anymore than I already am. It's just hard some days. :(

TarHeelBlue's picture

You're among kindred spirits here

May 7, 2012 - 6:12pm — TarHeelBlue

BtrflyGrl, honey, you know we understand. We've all been, or currently are, where you are right now. The pain is so constant and so overwhelming that all you can think about is how to make it go away. Each of us uses a different way of coping, and we are by no means ones to judge you. I feel so badly for you, because I know just where you are right now. I was there, too, after the first break-up, two years ago. I wanted to be numb all the time, so I drank too much, took too many Xanax, took Ambien every night to sleep...most nights, I would combine all three and go to bed at dusk, just to escape the torment that I was putting myself through. I don't wish that kind of hell on anyone. I truly do understand. If only I'd had the benefit of knowing about this forum two years ago, I may not be going through this again right now. I still drink a little, but no more pills. The strange thing to me is that I stopped smoking about 10 years ago, but now I find myself craving a cigarette. Just another crutch, I know. It IS very hard some days, and some days are not so bad. If we continue to do the work and hang in there with our NC, I know we'll get to the place where the not-so-bad days will far outweigh the bad ones. We've got your back, and we know you've got ours!

Love,

THB

BtrflyGrl's picture

I've got a little plan today.

May 8, 2012 - 12:59pm — BtrflyGrl

I've got a little plan today. I just need to execute it. After work I am supposed to take my car to the shop and then come home and have a leaking fixture repaired in the yard. Then pack up my broken computer so I can return it tomorrow. Those few little things (they sound little but feel huge) should keep me busy on top of my usual routine, taking care of the animals and posting on here. It may be just enough of a mix-up in routine to keep me from knocking myself out and crawling in bed before the sun goes down!

Must - Move - Forward :)

TarHeelBlue's picture

BtrflyGrl,

May 8, 2012 - 4:49pm — TarHeelBlue

That sounds like a great plan. In fact, it's probably the best way to live our lives right now. Occupy ourselves as much as possible to keep our minds off the pain and trying to numb it. I'm doing much the same today. It's been my day off, and I've had lots of time to think, and cry. I had been trying to stay busy myself with household chores and errands. But now, as the day winds down, I find myself starting to look over the edge into the abyss again, tempting myself to jump. I knew that if I turned to this website instead, I'd find hope and strength, and the help I desperately need to keep from hurling myself over the edge into that dark world of the N again. I'm tempted to use whatever means I have to numb the pain, too, which means drinking too much and taking too may pills and, like you, knocking myself out, rather than deal with the despair and grief. But now, after reading your post, and knowing that you are going through EXACTLY the same thing that I am today, I will follow your lead and give myself a few more things to do this evening. I'll take my dogs for a walk, and I'll work out, and I'll do some ironing. Small things they may seem, as you said, but to me, and to you, these little things are huge. Thank you for your inspiration. I feel what you're feeling, and it breaks my heart for you. Let's do this together.

Love and blessings,

THB