No More Narcs Story

Blindsided

I still can't believe I fell for his line of BS. I'm 38 years old, own my own home, take care of myself... I'm smarter than this. He swept me off my feet in the first few weeks that I knew him. Within a month he was telling me he loved me, talking about our future together and attempting to move in. I was nervous about the speed of all of it but I was having so much fun, I didn’t want to think about it.. even after I saw his rage for the first time. It was New Year’s Eve and we had been out with my friends. Everyone got along and they told me they liked him, all but one who tried to say something nice but seemed to struggle. A few hours later, I got my first glimpse of why. I made the terrible mistake of folding a paper towel wrong for him... he had this crazy OCD where his glass had to be packed with ice and he always needed a napkin/coaster. I was out of paper napkins so I folded a paper towel... I made a bit of a production out of it to be honest but the vicious verbal assult I recieved had me hiding in the bathroom sobbing my eyes out. Anyone ever call you a cunt because you folded a napkin wrong? I should have known but I just couldn't believe this sweet guy, this amazingly intelligent, affectionate, loving person who I had bore my soul too was pouring a deluge of hate on me. "Maybe it was just too much alcohol tonight, maybe I had had too much and said something ealier." I thought. Everything had been fine though. The only odd thing he did was ask for a moment alone to step outside after Midnight. He said it was to remember his deceased mother. I thoutht it was respectful and charming. When he came back inside he put his arms around me and told me he loved me for the very first time. I melted. No, I thought, it must just be the alcohol and he even appologized within an hour of my sobbing fit. We had plans on New Years Day with my brother and his wife and I wanted so much for them to like him.

January progressed and for a few weeks, things were blissful. I met his coworkers and some of his friends. Everyone he introduced me to was so kind and said they had heard such good things about me. He would tell me how much they liked me when we got home. It was great until I asked him to take a day trip with me on a Saturday afternoon. The morning was rocky because it seemed like he wanted to fight. I had a long day planned for us so I did my best to avoid the confrontation. We were driving 200 miles each way and that’s a lot of time in the car to be sulking. When he finally quit grilling me on my sexual history and my weight, he went back to being the normal guy I had fallen for. I chalked it up to him being nervous because we also had plans with my parents and bunch of friends the next day. Made sense at the time. It turns out that he was “nervous” for no reason since he picked another fight with me that night. It was so ugly… I was afraid the neighbors would hear.. I was afraid in general. Part of me just wanted his drunk ass to pass out on the couch… part of me wanted him to leave. I guess I made a decision when I threw his keys out the front door. The fight was my fault of course even though I remember standing in my kitchen, silent and still while he ran up and down my stairs grabbing everything of his that he could find. He called me every name in the book and brought up every personal thing I had ever shared with him. I was a lowly “human”.. he loved to rant about “the humans”… all the stupid people he was better than. I was a terrible bitch because I told him I didn't want to hear any more about his trip to see his favorite football team. He had gone to the game 2 weeks after we met. I had a problem with it when I found out that his ex grilfriend took him on that trip and he "had" to share a hotel room with her. "It was already paid for" before he met me he said...and he cried when I confronted him on it. “I told you my life was in a weird place. I wanted to go to the game, I prepaid for everything” I should have run... I should have taken his remaining items and thrown them out the door behind him.

But I didn't. I let him appologize. I bought his BS hook, line and sinker. I let him stay with me. He called me "B" for "Baby" and spent every night talking to me into the wee hours about anything and everything. I was always exhausted at work but I was in heaven... I never felt that connected to any boyfriend before. I cooked for him, did his laundry, served him cocktails, I paid for dinners, I played the games he liked, watched the shows he liked, I loaned him money, I satisfied his every desire. I even let him take a few pictures of me that I was incredibly uncomfortable with. "It shows me how much you love me" he would say. My stomach sunk everytime he refered to our sex life as "love." I liked our sex most of the time… but it wasn’t loving, and sometimes it felt like borderline porn. I had asked him repeatedly to use condoms but he always seemed to forgot until he found a foot in the middle of his chest. Even when he would put them on… they had a tendency to “fall off” midway through.. What kind of a bastard is so selfish that he would risk a pregnancy just so he could get off? When I questioned any of his behaviors he blamed it on the disfuntional relationships he had before me. That's where his trust issues came from too. The horrible women he had dated and loved had cheated on him so many times... That's why he had to go through my email, my phone, my Facebook, my tablet, my pc. It was all their fault those horrible ex girlfriends.

There were a few he talked about. With Tracy, things had ended long ago but they remained cival even though she was psycho and had him falsely arrested once. She was the one he gone to the game with in December. With Natalie, things had ended a few months before he met me. He’s 39, she’s 25 and he said she was far too dumb to date seriously. He didn't know what he was thinking with her. He told me all the time how smart I was and how nice it was to be with an educated, intelligent woman. How ironic that typing this up makes me feel exactly the opposite.

We had our ups and downs for the next few months. I asked for space when he became overly critical. I stopped offering to buy him things and pay for evenings out when I realized he never reciprocated. He said Winters were always slow months for him but he would catch up in April with a new contract. I asked him to go on a 2 week trip with me. I had access to my families winter home down south so all he needed to cover was his 1 way ticket, and some spending money. He was so excited, we started planning right away. 3 weeks before we were supposed to leave, he cancelled. I went with a girlfriend instead. The entire trip I had to text him morning, noon and night. I had to say "love you" at least twice a day.

He was waiting at my house when I got home. That night was great but I remember now how aggitated I was. Eggshells. Funny, before the trip I was used to them but after 2 weeks..they felt dangerously brittle again. The next morning, after a few rounds of catch up sex, he came into my bathroom while I was getting ready for work. He needed a favor. He asked to borrow $1K till he got paid again. I had been nervous about loaning him cash before but it was only a few hundred and he always paid me back. Something about the surprise of the request and the ickyness that he waited until afterglow made my stomach knot. I told him I had to check my finances and I could let him know. He dropped it until the next morning... again after sex. This time I told him flat out, NO. Then came the assult. I was a bitch and cunt again.. I could have told him sooner. No big deal, he would just lose his apartment, his stuff in storage, whatever, no big deal to me. Selfish bitch.

I didn't see him till the following Monday when he came to appologize and get his items again. I'm sure you all know how this works. We talked for a few days until I pissed him off again when I asked him to be there for ME after I had a bad day at work. Easter Sunday I told my best friend that I was done and she clapped her hands and said, "Thank God." He texted a few times that week, expressing his confusion at my lack of contact.

The following Friday I went to dinner with some friends...local sports bar that the Narc and I went to a few times a month. Guess who was there in the corner cuddled up around a younger, oddly familiar girl? He knew I was there but pretended not to see me… my blood was boiling. I had seen her picture on his phone once, a caller ID shot that he never explained. I found him on the patio later that night. Thinking he was alone for a cigarette I approached and asked to talk to him. She was sitting behind him. He told me he was busy and he had nothing to say to me. Something just snapped. I laughed and looked at the girl. I said, "I've been dating him since Novemeber, how long have you been dating him?" Her face got pale and she said, “It was a year in March." She started to cry and asked my name. She had seen my name on something and found my number in his wallet. He left of course and I ended up talking to her for a while. This is how I met Natalie, the “young dumb one”. They never broke up, she had been seeing him the entire time.

Natalie told me there was someone else I should meet. She had gotten a text a few weeks before from Tracy. He never stopped seeing Tracy either, in fact.. he had been with Tracy on and off for 6 years. Tracy had gotten tired of his game when she saw a text on his phone from Natalie. Tracy texted Natalie and asked her to please put the Narc on a leash and keep him out of her life. Why is it that sneaking suspicions are normally accurate?

I really don’t know how he found the time to see all of us and still work. There was no way he ever spent a night alone. He practically lived with me in January and part of February. There were a few weeks where I told him I wanted space… I had no idea that was the best gift I could give his cheating ass. Every time I traveled, he cozied up with one of them. I don’t even really know how many there were but I’m sure there were nights that he recruited too.

The following Monday, Tracy, Natalie and I sat down and had a nice long chat. We were all refered to as Baby or "B"... Guess that makes it easier to keep the name straight. We all had the same stories, the same conversations, the same broken promises. He was never pre-med as he told me, in fact, he had never gone to college and he lied about his relationship with his siblings. He has intimate photos of all of us. This little bastard picked fights with us so he could move on to the next woman. Natalie lives in my neighborhood and that inhuman slime actually walked to my house from hers. Guilting her for being a bitch and making him walk while telling me his buddy dropped him off and his car was at work. He didn't even have the decency to shower between our beds. Christmas Eve with me, Christmas day with Tracy. New Years with me but he had to text and call them after midnight (his moment alone to remember his mom). He was texting me from their houses, texting them from mine. He never wanted to meet any of our families or friends. His obsession with porn was out of control. He was insanely jealous of any guy any of us talked to and all of our emails, phones, etc. had been searched. I found out he has 4 children, has more priors for domestics and disorderlies than a public record search reveals and financially is as broken as they come. His financial predicament was never a temporary “Winter” situation, it was everyday gambling/booze/weed problem. All 3 of us had been loaning him money. They complemented the clothes I bought him for his Valentines present.. neither had been able to figure out where he came up with the money to buy them. Tracy wasn’t a psycho and she didn’t have him falsely arrested, she woke up one night to his hands around her throat. He served time because of his priors. In some way there was closure in the conversation but also a lot of pain and humiliation.

What I did next I’m not proud of but I wanted him to know he didn’t get the best of me and I was REALLY done. The three of us posed in one last picture for the trouser snake. Arms around one another, smiles and middle fingers raised. I found some satisfaction when I hit send and I laughed at him to the core of his miserable existance.

Some of the anger has passed after finding this site but I every now and then, I still find myself upset or depressed. It’s that horrible hollow feeling that makes me miss the guy I thought he was. It feels like someone I cared about has died. I have to remind myself that every conversation, every sweet thing, everything that made me love him was a lie. The guy I loved never existed. This is how he survives, living off of women and I was just another warm body to feed off of. I don’t want this situation to taint me or any future relationships but I’m afraid that it will.

After our get together, I stopped hearing from Natalie. She is the youngest and he was accurate in his assessment… she is naïve. She bought his line and let him back in. Tracy saw their cars last weekend parked in front of a nasty little dive bar. I tried sending Natalie some info on this site and narcissistic personality disorder so hopefully she will take a peak when the next barrage of evil hits her. Tracy on the other hand in is a really kind and amazing woman. I've talked to her a few times and we got together over the weekend. She's cheered me up and let me vent when I needed it most. I hope I've been able to do the same for her. I shared this site with her and she said she finally gets that it really wasn’t her.. it was him. Maybe it weird but I do believe everything happens for reason. Maybe I had to meet the Narc to meet my new friend Tracy. Maybe I had to go through this to help her finally see him for what he was. Maybe I needed a valuable life lesson. Either way, I know I am so lucky to have found out what I did, when I did. I can’t imagine letting this scumbag into my life any further.