bad dreams

bad dreams
Posted May 7, 2012 - 1:26pm
0

I must have been dreaming about the N last night. I woke up with a feeling of dread and melancholia. 4 months out of the relationship and I have to say that this is by far one of the most painful experiences in my entire life....
I hate him , than I miss him, than I'm sad because I know he was an illusion. OMG, when dos it get better? It seems to be getting worse for me emotionally....
Any thoughts or words of encouragement?
Help.
P,

‹ Day one the more I read... ›
phantom adoration's picture

No sugar coating here...

May 7, 2012 - 5:27pm — phantom adoration

this process is painful and gut wrenching. It effects every aspect of your life....the past, the future, today.
We lose so much, sleep, weight, self esteem, hair, friends, security, a whole lot of ourselves.
All that is left in the wake of the N's discard is a wretched pile of scraps. Nothing whole. Bits and pieces of your heart, memories, nothing fits together anymore.
Where do you begin?
Dear Friend, with one step. You step away from the pile that represents your most recent past. This one step is the first among so many you will have to take to move on to your future. You will be unable to move somedays, may even step back on occasion but if you stay focused on the path as described herein you will survive. I am 7 months into the journey. I still fall down, I still cry and wonder will I ever heal? Suddenly there will be clarity and I feel good...wonder if this is it, is it over...but I know it isn't. I know I will likely fall again. I know I must push myself to get through the maze created by this monster.
As others have said, the least little distraction can help. A TV show, a movie, even a few pages of fiction. Exercise, just littel steps. Don't expect too much of yourself.
Keep visiting the forum there are so many wonderful ideas and stories here. Take from them what will work for you.

luvapug's picture

I am not sleeping either

May 7, 2012 - 4:35pm — luvapug

This has been 5 weeks and I have lost about 15 lbs and get no sleep at all...up all night with thoughts of this or that...I toss and turn all night. Some times I think about his face and I get extreme anxiety deep in my chest! I hope this passes soon, I can't take much more of this thinking about him and wondering why he doesn't probably think about me and why he erased me from his life...and my son...everyone but the goddam dog!!!

-luvapug

luvapug's picture

I am not sleeping either

May 7, 2012 - 4:35pm — luvapug

This has been 5 weeks and I have lost about 15 lbs and get no sleep at all...up all night with thoughts of this or that...I toss and turn all night. Some times I think about his face and I get extreme anxiety deep in my chest! I hope this passes soon, I can't take much more of this thinking about him and wondering why he doesn't probably think about me and why he erased me from his life...and my son...everyone but the goddam dog!!!

-luvapug

Tigerlily's picture

It seems to get worse, then it gets better!

May 7, 2012 - 4:12pm — Tigerlily

I think at first we`re just numb. And then the feelings begin to resurface that we started increasinly to suppress while we were with them - pain, sorrow, fear, anger. Inbetween are the empty, hollow times, because the drama has stopped, there is no more adrenalin, no more dopamin, nothing to distract us from what we`re really feeling. And the buried feelings can come up pretty violently and pretty chaotically, and the emptiness and hollowness are hell on earth. But I think they are all part of the healing process. Generally, we have been hit so hard that we`re still rocking for a while when it`s over, like a pendulum or one of those kid`s toys weighted at the bottom. But I think it`s all part of the healing process. The rocking grows less and less extreme, and at some point we become stable again.
I think dreams are also a positive sign. I didn`t dream about mine for months, with a couple of exceptions. Now I often dream about him. You`re doing the work in your sleep, in my opinion!
Don`t worry too much, go on learning, stay NC, stay close to the forum, and things can only get better.

Thinking of you
Tigerlily

Freddie's picture

I wish I could dream about

May 7, 2012 - 2:54pm — Freddie

I wish I could dream about him, that would mean I'm sleeping. :-) I mean - I haven't slept more than 2 hours at a time in about a week.

It's discouraging hearing that this goes on for so long and I truly hope that it gets better for you and everyone.

Until then I do wish you pleasant dreams.

this shall pass's picture

I have gone through both

May 7, 2012 - 4:28pm — this shall pass

I have gone through both extremes, not sleeping and feeling so tired from the anxiety and insomnia and wishing I could just have a full night of rest, then slowly I was able to get more rest but interrupted with dreams about him. My advice to people who are going through either is that it does get better! this is normal and it's our body's way to detoxing and processing some of the traumatic stuff that happened. It will get better. I found that doing something relaxing before going to sleep and being consistent about it really helps. I do deep breathing, drink herbal tea, apply some essential oils, light a candle, pray for guidance and help. I try to avoid bright lights and ruminating over what happened right before rest.

Also, recently I have done a psychic cord cutting (One I recommend is by Kaleah Larouche) and the audio that guides you through the process can be ordered online. I did it last night and slept peacefully and even when I woke up, I didn't have that panickly and anxious feeling I experienced in the past. Also I did not have any dreams about the Ex which I usually do..if you feel that you could benefit from such, I'd encourage you to give it a try :)
Peace

deadenddreamer's picture

I read somewhere

May 7, 2012 - 2:47pm — deadenddreamer

I read somewhere that dreams are often your minds way of dealing with things on a subconcious level...it releases and allows you to heal more deeply. Not sure its much comfort I know- but it's all part of the detox process.

And you can take comfort in the fact your are not alone. I can tell you are a very strong person, this is just another hurdle you will over come.

Ophelia's picture

I had one of those dreams too

May 7, 2012 - 2:32pm — Ophelia

I had one of those dreams too Pam. Must be something about Sunday nights. (And Saturday, and Friday, and...)

It's going to be a long haul through this... they say it gets better.... gotta believe... and give it the time and work that it needs.

My therapist suggested writing out dream scenarios that put more power into my hands, for example me telling him why I am not happy in our relationship and need to end it, and to keep visualizing that, the re-writing of the ending as something different than the D&D that happened. In a way, really, he just beat me to the punch, there is no way I could have tolerated his ever-increasing controllingness indefinitely.. I have yet to give her suggestion a try but will, maybe tonight.

tootsgee's picture

I Dreamt about the ex last

May 7, 2012 - 1:31pm — tootsgee

I Dreamt about the ex last night too ... That he had a new woman called viv! I also
Dreamt about getting made redundant (which I was last year) so maybe it's just processing stuff...I think back
To
4 months ago and I come in miles ... I can so see the progress when I look back xx

tootsgee's picture

I Dreamt about the ex last

May 7, 2012 - 1:31pm — tootsgee

I Dreamt about the ex last night too ... That he had a new woman called viv! I also
Dreamt about getting made redundant (which I was last year) so maybe it's just processing stuff...I think back
To
4 months ago and I come in miles ... I can so see the progress when I look back xx