Lab rats will happily go back to a 'safe' place that gives them an electric shock each time rather than explore a new environment. See also Stockholm Syndrome where we fall in love with our abusers as they are all we know - we normalise the most appalling torture because reinforcement positive or negative is still reinforcement ie attention/proof we exist that someone acknowledges our existence - this is what happens when we seek outside validation and have poor boundary systems. All of this is based on basic conditioning - see lab animals again. see also magical thinking - that somehow if we give these monsters enough TLC there will be a break through and a happy ending. It is important to understand there was no love, no care, nothing special about these relationships - we were addicted pure and simple, desperate for a hit of our drug of choice, and willing to endure anything to receive a crumb however infrequently this occurred.

The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships
p.199 - Lab rat/electric shock reference
http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=pEdMu4JVsc8C&printsec=frontcover&sour...

I know exactly what you mean... I felt safe too.... But the reality is I was the least safe I've ever been... I think it had to do with his physical presence and my own strong desire for someone to make me safe..... It is confusing though..... Xx