Narcissists are magnets for CoDependents
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Participants: Lisa E. Scott and NarcSurvivor1
Apr 23 2012 - 10:06pm
I believe the word being used in these discussions is Empaths. My father was a narcissist (he has since passed), my ex-husband is one, and probably the most dangerous N was the man I strayed from my marriage for. It seems I have had special training but in fact I am learning how severely codependent I am. We constantly put other's needs before our own and in doing so forget to take care ourselves. "Narcissists, with their ability to 'get others to buy into their vision and help them make it a reality,' are natural magnets for the co-dependent with the tendency to put others' need before their own." (Eric Bernie - A Layman's guide to Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis.) Sam Vaknin considered that codependents, as "the Watsons of this world, 'provide the narcissist with obsequious, unthreatening audience...the perfect backdrop.'" Among the reciprocally locking interactions of the pair, are the way "the narcissist has an overpowering need to feel important and special, and the co-dependent has a strong need to help others feel that way. The Narcissist overdoes self-caring and demands it from others, while the co-dependent underdoes or may even do almost no self-caring." Codependents of narcissists as "co-narcissists.": "The codependent narcissist gives up his or her own needs to feed and fuel the needs of the other."
My point is that it is good to talk about the experience, but at some point we need to put our energy into working on ourselves. We have to understand what is within us that magnetizes to these types of people. In my case there was at least 3 (two I chose) and my goal is to identify and face the reality that my dysfunctional childhood affected me deeply, manifesting itself into low self-esteem, denial, excessive compliance or control problems, and avoidance patterns. I intend to completely recover from my co-dependency through education whereas a Narcissist can never be cured. I accept full responsibility for the fact that I have made a choice all my life to deny my co-dependency. The reasons why are as important to me as the recovery itself. It's time to think about me now and not analyze his derelict behavior more than caring for myself.