and how they dont CARE that they have a lack of empathy, I've tried to think of things in my life that I have done that I know are "wrong" or "bad" but that I do not feel badly about.
For example, I have a tendency to sneak an olive off the olive tray at loblaws and eat it. I know its stealing but for various reasons I justify it and do not feel badly about it, at all. I know that I COULD feel badly, but I dont, I find it amusing. (dont judge me :)) And I do not feel guilty about not feeling badly. Why would I be concerned that I dont feel ashamed for doing something that I dont think is a big deal?
I think with a narc you take this but apply it to much larger things, things that ALL normal people would feel guilty about. Such as hurting other people, lying, betraying, cheating, using, manipulating. They dont feel badly about these things, they always find ways to minimize/justfy them and they are not concerned about their lack of empathy.
This has helped me, although its still reeeeally hard for me to believe that some people never feel guilt over causing another human being pain. Anyways, maybe this will help someone else too.