My reaction to one taking an olive or a grape was just that, shoot from th e hip reaction.
I certainly have emptahy for all of our situations, it is the most devastating aspect of this disorder. the very emotions we feel, the pain we suffer, the tears we shed are all because WE FEEL. the very fact of their NOt feeling is salt on the wound the have created.
I don't think we are capable of understanding the void they have, it is beyond our reasoning.
Just one more component of of suffering. The path we are on is littered with the many fragments of the disorder.
they will never suffer as we have. some may diagree but een if they did suffer they would not know it.
I will snatch a grape in your honor next time I am at the market.

hi. From what I have read, the lack of empathy/sympathy/morals etc (basically lack of any true feeling) is caused by a dysfunction of the limbic system in the brain. This dysfunction is attributed to its inability to form the right pathways as it developed in the very young child. Reasons why this would happen are usually given as neglect or its opposite! over protection. neglect is said to cause cerebral or passive narcs and over protection, somatic or the gods gift narcs. the brain develops its capacity for emotion by what is experienced by the child very early and that experience then becomes the blue print for future "emotional intelligence."
An example of this would be the narc I live with is passive. He was the second child who was a prem baby. His dad was a boxer, a bully who believed that boys dont cry and need to be smacked around to learn to be tough. Because he was a sickly child, he was perceived as weak and left out of boy stuff, called stupid and horribly ridiculed. His brother was the first born and idolised, he became a gods gift narc.
Take a look at the family of the narc you are involved with and you could find clues there. Often this awful thing runs in families because the pattern of abuse is not broken.
Much love. Xxx

perhaps you may never FULLY understand and its best you dont - you may understand why but you will not be able to FEEL how they can have no remorse for what they do - this is the traumatic part of the experience - we move on to a recovery that is HELL and they never experience ANY OF THAT. This is why I was very impressed in Sheridan's book - he really stressed that these people simply are not human - there is nothing inside them and if you open them up all you will find is a tape worm, parasites ...... As your life pulls further and further away from them you will grow to accept and understand what a truly sick creature he was - you will see all the beauty that life is and you will see him as the walking dead - it was like being in a relationship with a dead person -

Yet I chose to ignore them. I fantasized about this man for the last six years of my marriage. Then during the divorce, the Narc started calling. The man I fantasized about for 6 years while I was still married started calling and for 3 days I ignored his calls. Did he go away? No. I had been talking to him on the phone for years, just talking. He was such a good listener. Bullshit. He was absorbing and planning and when he knew I was a good 6 months separated, he came after me. I asked him to leave me alone while I went through this but he was completely disinterested in my concerns or need for alone time to keep my head on straight during my divorce. We met for a few drinks and he put my hand on his crotch before I got in my car to leave. Then he started texting, wooing me, telling me how into me he was, how beautiful I was - planned a get-away at a bed and breakfast, and conveniently left the receipt in my luggage as to what he paid for the weekend. When I mentioned that somehow the receipt got in my luggage he apologized (the only time in our entire 4 years) and said he wished I hadn't seen that. Now I know he put it there on purpose so I would feel obligated to him, realize what he was spending on me - the flowers came at work, the flowers came to my house, the dinners out, the trips to wineries, the hot sex, the imaginative everything. He was sure a planner. Then out of the blue around the fifth month, the texts stopped, the wooing stopped, and when I would question what is going on he would say I should just relax, that I was insecure, that 'you shouldn't expect that (wooing) to go on forever.' One night when he was unable to be reached, I drove over to his house and all the lights were on. I walked in, but he wasn't there and despite calling and texting he didn't respond. Next day he admitted he was with someone else. I ended it, he climbed over my brick wall to get to me and played upon my soft heart by saying he made a mistake and to give him a second chance, and I did. But he never said he was sorry for it, I noticed. After that, the cheating never stopped because a year later I discovered he had been seeing someone else all that time. He had been very secretive. Did I let him go? No. What a dummy - but that's how much I loved him and slowly the D & D started, the blaming me for everything that went wrong in the relationship. The head games were so bad, but I couldn't get out. I realize now I was hoping and waiting for it to return to the man I had in the first 5 months, failing to realize that man wasn't real at all. I could go on and on, but let's suffice it to say they play people like fiddles - all to feed their need for adoration and attention - and then his best friend revealed to me he saw me as his easy backup and I was devastated. Now I am no contact from before Christmas until the week before my birthday, I contact him in a very generic manner and he tells me he is committed to someone else. Didn't even have the balls to break up with me officially like a real man would do. Sent me an email.. .they are just cruel and heartless. Watch the signs. .there are so many. I could list them and I know you would have experienced the same thing.

they feel justified.

For example:

They justify their abusing people by saying,
"It's their fault because they allowed it."