I'm No Contact..What do I do when he comes around again?

I'm No Contact..What do I do when he comes around again?
Posted May 4, 2012 - 10:38pm
0

I have changed my phone number. I've changed my email. I have blocked any ability for him to contact me. But he knows where I live. I have never gone all out no contact like this, so I know that will disturb him. I know he will show up at my work or my house. How do I handle that? Do I look like through him and blandly ask, "Can I help you?" - as if I don't know him. Do I slam the door in his face without a word? Do I act all friendly and then let the hammer down? Do I act sweet and then say, "Get out of here immediately or I will call the police." Any suggestions?

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needing2know's picture

You do NOT answer the door if

May 5, 2012 - 12:02am — needing2know

You do NOT answer the door if he shows up at your house, as for work just let them know to send him on his way if he wants to see you. If he sees you at your car , just get in and drive away. You say nothing to him, if you do your giving what he wants and that supply

Emmy's picture

FIle a restraining order

May 4, 2012 - 11:50pm — Emmy

If you file a restraining order, he can't come near you or contact you. Just DO NOT tell him you are going to do it.

You're doing great. Hang in there.

Janie53's picture

You said it. Stay calm, zero

May 4, 2012 - 11:33pm — Janie53

You said it. Stay calm, zero emotion and say you need to leave now or I will call the police. If he doesn't, pick up the phone and dial. He will leave.

Stay true to you!
Janie

Lookonthesunnyside's picture

Great job on blocking out

May 4, 2012 - 11:04pm — Lookonthesunnyside

Great job on blocking out modes of contact!

At your job, is it the type of enviornment where someone else can tell him you're out or not available? If not I would just ignore him and if he tries to talk to you say "Im working, leave before I get my boss" or something very direct.

And if he shows up at your house dont even answer the door! Silence is more effective than anything you could say to him.

Whatever you do, dont feel badly and dont cave in! If you're cornered into seeing him be firm and brief and dismiss him as soon as you can. The less time he has to spew his verbal diarrhea the better.

NarcSurvivor1's picture

Let's talk

May 4, 2012 - 11:22pm — NarcSurvivor1

He would have to get past the front desk, the lady of which is my friend and knows all about him, and I can count on her to be comfortably shitty to him without thinking twice. But about home. ..I have french doors onto a patio, and then there's the front gate that is too tall for him to be seen or me seen. What I'm looking for is if he does come to my house, what is the best thing I can say to him without feeding his ego that I'm hurt and still care? He is a narcissist and if he is on a mission, a simple thing like "go away" will not dissuade him. Should I open the door and give him my best, "Who are you?" look, like I don't even recognize him? Or talk from behind the gate which appears as though I'm afraid to look at him, which I think will feed his ego even more. Mind you, before he ended it with me I ended up having a late night glass of wine in a restaurant where he was with another woman and he pretended like he didn't even see me though I know he did, which he later told me he saw me but was just pretending he didn't know me. . .man, that hurt. And I kinda want to return the same. . .that's probably screwed. My judgement is messed up on this, so be honest.

Emmy's picture

How about totally IGNORING

May 4, 2012 - 11:55pm — Emmy

How about totally IGNORING him? Change your locks, put on extra bolts, turn up music and call a friend on the phone. That is no contact, right?

I get the payback feeling. My daughter keeps reminding me that is it not worth it to lower myself to being mean. I find it hard to take the high road!

They brush off any hurts, so it won't do much to him anyway. Why risk ourselves?

((hugs))

NarcSurvivor1's picture

I have Last-Word-itis

May 5, 2012 - 12:19am — NarcSurvivor1

Come on. . .you know what that is. . .I've gotta have the last word. . .and I have learned from my Narcissistic father (God rest his soul) how to do it oh-so-well. You know, the one-liner that leaves them stunned, confused, and with their mouth hanging open like they're catching flies.

It is totally not my MO (modus operandi - I speak Latin for Cripes Sakes - no, just kidding). When I worked for a major airline and was an advocate for the company on all of their discharge and discipline cases and never lost one case, my moniker was "Barracuda" because I showed no mercy - and growing up I was known as "Zorro" for my sharp tongue - ok - got a taste for my personality when a Narc pisses me off? - can't imagine why he cheated on me????!!!!

Anyway, I digress. It's really hard to do the silent thing because I have always used words to get my point across and to not speak and articulate what is on my mind has always meant defeat, weakness, unable to get my thoughts together enough to say a good comeback kind of thing. And there is nothing I want more than to get across to him that I am strong and carrying on WITHOUT HIM and don't want him back. It's hard for me to believe I can do that by being silent. See my dilemna? This is tough for me, so get deep, please. Give me your best on this because I know he will be back and I want to be 'memorable' and 'lesson-learning'. Maybe that's a problem in and of itself. OK. I'm shutting up now. You go. . . . .

Janie53's picture

There is only one way to show

May 5, 2012 - 12:31am — Janie53

There is only one way to show him you are strong and that is NO CONTACT. I'm not sure what you are looking for here. Do you want to heal from the aftermath of a narc? If you say one thing, positive or negative, you give him supply.

Future choice is yours. I would quit while you are ahead.
Stay true to you!

NarcSurvivor1's picture

I hear you

May 5, 2012 - 1:05am — NarcSurvivor1

The answer is: Not a sound from me. Complete silence. Thank you.