I'm new here. Hi from Emmy

I'm new here. Hi from Emmy
Posted May 3, 2012 - 3:46am
0

Hi everyone.

I have been reading posts and I am absolutely sure I am in the right place.

My situation (short-short version): Married over 25 years. Never saw the manipulation and control. 2 nearly grown kids living at home. We have been left with no financial help. I work part time only and make less than the mortgage. We are devastated. I am a recovering mess. I think he has been poisoning me and brainwashing me for most of our marriage. Ugh. I need to be here and I thank you for being here too.

I am just beginning to have some days where I can function. That's were I am.

I'll try just jumping in here :).

‹ Good article wow ... I'm 42 and feel like I'm back in the playground! ›
ruby01's picture

Emmy

May 5, 2012 - 10:26am — ruby01

Hey girl!

The fact that you are here tells me you want change. To regain control of your life will mean taking it back from this man that has proven himself untrustworthy and abusive.

I think when the journey to recovery begins it seems so daunting if you try to look at everything at once.

It might help to try to organize and make a list of five things that are causing you stress that you can take care of. They can be as small as cleaning the kitchen or taking a walk.

Focus on clearing ONE obstacle at a time.

As you check these things off your list you will gain some of your self esteem back and realize you are still a capable woman, one that will eventually take back all her power and be strong enough to step out of the darkness and live life back in the warmth of the sun.

Believe in yourself and your worth.

You have been held down for quite a while- It's your day!

Keep reading and posting and possibly seek out therapy.

xoxo,
Ruby

TarHeelBlue's picture

We welcome you

May 3, 2012 - 9:53am — TarHeelBlue

Emmy, with heavy hearts for what you've been through. You will find nothing but acceptance, guidance and encouragement here. You're among kindred spirits and have indeed come to the right place.

We're all at different places on our long roads to recovery. Please read everything you can find and it will all become clear.

So sorry for the devastation you've experienced, and praying that your life has changed for the better, for good.

Love and hugs,

THB

Emmy's picture

Thank you

May 5, 2012 - 1:19am — Emmy

and hugs back atcha. : )

Janie53's picture

Emmy

May 3, 2012 - 8:32am — Janie53

Hi Emmy-

Sorry you ended up on the forum but know you are in the best possible place after being the victim of a narcissist. The good news is, with hard work and commitment, you can change your whole life around and the word survivor is a title you will wear proudly at the end of your journey.

Please, start with learning everything you can about this disorder. This is a requirement. NPD is quite complicated and there is no cure. We can only help ourselves now. Downlload Lisa's books, the best place to start. Also, go to the favorites section in the 1-3 forum. There is a lot of good info there.

Get yourself into therapy. There are sliding scale clinics all over the world if finances limit you.
Welcome to the second home for many of us.

Stay true to you,
Janie

Emmy's picture

Thanks, Janie

May 5, 2012 - 1:21am — Emmy

Good advice. Therapy would be a good idea. I need to get up the nerve. He used various doctors against me, so I am a bit gun shy.

(hugs)

Janie53's picture

Emmy

May 5, 2012 - 9:36am — Janie53

I'm not sure exactly what you mean he used many doctors against you but there are many therapists available. Perhaps, you will have to go to a different town depending on your circumstances.

Healing from a narcissist is not the same as an ordinary break up, which of course, can be difficult in itself.. Being a victim of a narcissist is essentially a raping of the soul and takes a lot of understanding and looking at ourselves to be able to move forward. We need to really learn about ourselves and develop appropriate boundaries so we can develop healthy, mutually respectful relationships in the future.

There is no quick fix. Time, commitment and hard work are required and most importantly, the commitment to better ourselves. I know you want this and you will be a survivor!

Stay true to you Emmy!
Janie

Avalon's picture

How true that no one who has

May 3, 2012 - 5:21am — Avalon

How true that no one who has not been through it (not been involved with an N/P) can really understand. Although friends and family try so hard to be supportive, I know I have to hold back and be 'fair' or they will simply think I am the one who is nuts.

I can only describe it as a sticky dark tar like energy that gets inside you body,mind and spirit, it cannot be washed off or even talked away, it takes time, understanding and a LOT of courage to untangle from this sticky mess.

But we CAN do it and we will be whole again (perhaps even much more whole than before?)

Stay strong
A

Emmy's picture

Thanks, Avalon

May 5, 2012 - 1:22am — Emmy

I hope you are right!

(hugs)

mellyj's picture

Hi

May 3, 2012 - 4:59am — mellyj

Hi. Im also new here, but it seems this is the place to be. All these intelligent, funny, concerned people who give a damn. Good place to ask questions even your friends wont or cant answer because they think you are nuts. (They think that because they just dont believe that your "funny, charming partner" (Narc) is capable of such behaviour and YOU are being paranoid!) Good place to learn cause as we all know, Knowledge is power. So, lets all get on with the process of helping eaach other to heal. Good luck and blessings to us all.

Emmy's picture

Hi Melly

May 5, 2012 - 1:23am — Emmy

I know those feelings! I will NOT let anyone say we are "breaking up" - I say NO - he is ABANDONING the three of us. This is NOT a marriage issue.

(hugs)

MissK's picture

This site is the best therapy

May 3, 2012 - 4:40am — MissK

This site is the best therapy because we all have been through hell and back and still suffering. I visit here often and listen and read and learn and educate myself. I was in a relationship with one for 10 years and I thought he was the best thing in my life. I still cry but I will not have contact and will not give him the satisfaction of ever controlling me again.

I am learning to live normally again. Every day is a challenge even after five months. The girls here on this site are great and when Ii have felt low I come and post and just hearing from someone who has been in the same situation helps more. People who have not experienced narcissim have no idea what we go through. I is horrific and there is no use talking about it because unless you have been through it yourself people do not understand.

Emmy's picture

You are so right. I feel like

May 3, 2012 - 4:50am — Emmy

You are so right. I feel like I want to scream to the media people that something has to be done. I feel like I am trapped by society. That is a huge part of the pain.

Thanks goodness for my family & my kids. They are a huge support.

Sparrow's picture

Welcome to the Path Forward!

May 3, 2012 - 4:11am — Sparrow

Welcome to the Path Forward! Look forward to hearing more of your story!Be strong, read, and have faith!

Emmy's picture

Thanks, Sparrow. I am happy

May 3, 2012 - 4:22am — Emmy

Thanks, Sparrow. I am happy to be on a path leading somewhere!

Avalon's picture

Welcome Emmy. Although so

May 3, 2012 - 4:05am — Avalon

Welcome Emmy.

Although so sorry you had to find yourself here. You are among friends here and will find support and strength to help you on your healing journey. I can imagine your utter devastation. Now you are on your way forward to healing and peace.

I have found much comfort, wisdom, support and encouragement here, you will too.

Hugs
A

Emmy's picture

Hugs back

May 3, 2012 - 4:10am — Emmy

Thanks so much. I am glad and sad you are here too : ).