legal separation advice

legal separation advice
Posted May 2, 2012 - 12:20pm
0

i have not been on here in quite sometime, but that is a great thing! i am strong and i am soo ready to win this battle. i finally got a lawyer and had him served...a year later! but now he decides he is willing to come to an agreement. he does not want to go to court. and neither do i, but i am willing to do whatever it takes to move forward. i am wondering who has a legal separation and/or divorce with children and what i should include. i know hindsight is 20/20 and just don't want to make any mistakes where it concerns my children just out of lack of knowledge. it is amazing the strength we posess when needed and to what extremes they...the wonderful N's will push us to!!! i am blessed beyond belief and want to do right by my children.

‹ Lonely Evenings good morning new day! ›
oceangirl's picture

You should get a lawyer to at

May 2, 2012 - 12:47pm — oceangirl

You should get a lawyer to at least deal with the child support and custody. The only way you can hold the N accountable is by the law. Find a lawyer who may know about N's. You can get free attorney consultations. Get a strong attorney. Court is really the only way you can protect a child and your money and yourself. Don't just do it with the N and no one else involved.
Hope that helps. Good luck!

Deidre99's picture

I divorced a non-narc. But,

May 2, 2012 - 12:36pm — Deidre99

I divorced a non-narc. But, that said, make sure (especially in dealing with your ex since he is a narc)...make sure the courts are involved with child support. Depending on other legal matters, you might want to go to court over everything, but at THE VERY LEAST, make sure you go to court, and deal with custody and child support that way, instead of dealing with him directly.

I have read stories on here and also with friends who divorced jerks (perhaps they were narcs)...who got shafted when it came to dealing with child support issues, when they did not go through the courts.

I would settle that in the courts. A hassle, perhaps. But, I'd rather deal with the short term hassle of court and getting everything in writing, as opposed to the long term hassle of dealing with the narc potentiall shirking his responsibilities as a dad. Happens everyday. OF COURSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO THROUGH THE COURTS. THAT'S WHY. LOL

Good luck to you! Be strong!

Deidre99's picture

As an aside... Just something

May 2, 2012 - 12:56pm — Deidre99

As an aside...

Just something to consider. If you were treated poorly by him, abused, etc...IN the marriage. Chances are, he will seek to have his own interests met during a divorce. Not to say he will be ugly and this will turn into a war, but don't let your guard down with him.

If he says...'I'd like to settle this out of court,'' translate that to mean...''because I think I can get over on you, still.''

Just my thoughts. I don't trust narcissists, and there's good reason not to. Ever.