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Do they lack a sense of humor???
Joyless
Member since:
1 year 26 weeks
1 year 26 weeks
Last activity:
51 weeks 4 days
51 weeks 4 days
Do they lack a sense of humor???
Posted May 1, 2012 - 12:49pm
I just was wondering if anyone elses N lacked a sense of humor. I've been doing some thinking, and I can't remember a time that N actually broke down and laughed at anything. Even when we watch a comedy on TV and I start laughing, I look at him, and he is so sober. He laughs when we're with others, but it is a kind of fake laugh. Any one else find this?
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My ex could be exceedingly
May 4, 2012 - 12:28pm — dulcinea441My ex could be exceedingly witty and clever, but there was no real smile in his eyes, no warmth behind his words. A certain cynicism and coldness seemed to uderlie everything.
In retrospect, I think this unsettled me about him from the start, but, as with so many other warning signs, I brushed it off. Now I know that my intuition was correct--he might have said all the right things, but there was absolutely nothing genuine in him, save the ever-present desire to manipulate others.
dulcinea
May 4, 2012 - 1:04pm — onwithmylifemine too had that icy, cold stare and seemed so in control,now i now it was all an act to hide a gross insecurity of who he really is..........nothing
Yep, Dulcinea...
May 4, 2012 - 12:46pm — MonarchYou said that so well..."a certain cynicism and coldness seemed to underlie everything." (love your name, btw) Same here. His eyes were dead even as he laughed or joked. I read up on a famous narc, Picasso. If you look at photos of him, his eyes are so menacingly dead even when he was smiling. I look at photos of my narc, the same. It's an ostensible form of funny. Very phony.
Joyless
May 4, 2012 - 8:08am — Janie53Again, I think this depends on the severity of their disorder as well as how good their acting skills are.
My psychopath and I laughed all the time. He seemed, and I repeat, seemed to have a great sense of humor.
As Hunter said, Mirror Mirror on the wall....
Stay true!
The laugh show
May 3, 2012 - 10:00pm — Celebrity NSMine never laughs during movies until I laugh, then a second later he will laugh too. But I never hear him laugh at a movie on his own. So lately he's been on a mission to get better at fitting into society. So I hear him laughing in the bedroom, and I walk in and lo and behold, he is watching a comedy and laughing! I was impressed! So I sat on the bed to watch and see what was finally connecting the dots for him and as I sat I hit the remote by accident and a Yahoo! toolbar popped up on the screen and there was a big "E" or something and it blocked the movie, and he started laughing hysterically and pointing at the screen "E!!! haha E!!!!" and I said "that's not the movie..." and he said "Yes it is!!!!! hahahahah"
Yes, that was one of the defining moments of regaining my sanity after 13 years of running in circles.
They
May 2, 2012 - 8:51pm — neverlookbacklack EVERYTHING!! You know what would make them laugh ? our pain, misery and suffering -
Totally devoid of a sense of humor
May 2, 2012 - 7:10pm — TarHeelBlueMy exN never laughed spontaneously that I can remember in the entire 19 years we were together. He wouldn't even watch comedies on TV, he said they were stupid. He would do that "fake laugh" in social situations and seemed to think that havinng a sense of humor means telling lame jokes. He just doesn't get it. I'm trying to remember if there was a time when I felt light-hearted and actually had FUN with him...NOPE.
Isn't that one of the characteristics of most narcs, that they have no sense of humor? I think I read that somewhere and could not agree more!
THB
When it suited him
May 2, 2012 - 3:30pm — Night OwlWhen we first met he would throw his head back and laugh at my comments. Then once the "courting" stage was over he didn't laugh anymore with me. He would with his friends though. When I first started dating him I was teasing him and one of his friends said I better be careful, I learned that he could not laugh at himself.
He rarely laughed at TV, but ditto to whoever mentioned Two 1/2 Men, he could relate to Charlie's heavy drinking and like was said below he probably envied all the women Charlie got.
He used his "sense of humor"
May 2, 2012 - 11:28am — MonarchHe used his "sense of humor" to devalue me too... degrading jokes, embarrassing jokes, jokes as a means to avoid any uncomfortable conversations which might expose his true self, jokes to manipulate, jokes with hidden double/crazy-making meaning...etc., etc., etc. He once said, "Every girl wants a funny guy until it makes them mad..." "Can't you take a joke?" "Geez, you can't hear my tone in a text....I was only joking." Then pick up the phone, Douche and let me hear your tone. Jerk.
Do they have a sense of
May 2, 2012 - 9:45am — HunterDo they have a sense of anything? That's the real question...
Mirror, Mirrior on the wall..
Hunter
Finish it Hunter
May 2, 2012 - 8:52pm — neverlookback...... who is the biggest loser of them all!!!
How about inappropriate sense
May 2, 2012 - 8:33am — kocrazyHow about inappropriate sense of humor? My NH is always making critical/judgemental/inappropriate comments and then saying that he was just joking...this happens ALL THE TIME. I keep telling him if nobody thinks his "jokes" are actually funny, or even a joke for that matter, then maybe he should stop. He just looks at me like "how can you not think that's funny?"
Light bulb moment for me...he was chuckling as he was telling me the story of the family 2 blocks down the street (and directly across from our son's school) getting robbed at their home in broad daylight. One guy took the dad in a car to get money, other guy held the mom and 2 kids inside the house while they were getting money. Not sure if weapons were involved, but NOTHING funny about this, so why the chuckling? Oh, right. No empathy - that's when I knew something was seriously wrong with him.
no
May 2, 2012 - 8:41am — onwithmylifereal sense of humor and never at himself, ever.......Remember one time in 15 years he laughed slightly, never smiled for that matter, saw him smile once when i asked him too!!!as kocrazy said his humor, if any, was inappropriate like telling he he would drive me off a cliff to get my money and was just kidding, WTF????????????
Sense of Humor
May 1, 2012 - 8:58pm — MonarchMine did stand-up...some. He was not or has not yet been successful at it. He made me laugh uncontrollably sometimes. He changed his jokes depending upon who he wanted to make laugh. He knew his audience. He thought crude, shocking humor was fantastic. He tried WAY too hard and not many people found him to be funny. His moods were very manic/depressive. He would be hilarious one day and the next... NOT at all, instead he'd be stoic or mean. His humor was very exaggerated and "big."
He would watch stand-up and critic famous comics. He rarely thought any famous male comics or comedians were funny. I remember watching Jim Carey with him and he had a look of disgust on his face during the whole performance. He walked out of the room and said, "This guy sucks," and then slammed the door like he was mad at Jim Carey for being famous. This was not an isolated incident either. He constantly would complain that certain people should not be famous....(he should be *implied*) He, actually, was/is quite talented. That was one of the things that attracted me to him. However, the more I got to know him, the more I realized his humor was fake...it was not a genuine sense of humor. It was all performance. Also, any famous comedians he did find funny, he would copy. I found out some of his jokes were not original. Actually, I'd be surprised if any of his material was truly his own. He rarely thought anything I or anyone else said or did was funny. He DID laugh at HIS jokes a lot, though.
Sure.
May 1, 2012 - 3:10pm — FroglegsMine had a great sense of humor. That was one of his greatest charms. Of course, there was no humor to be found in my presence at the end of the relationship, but he was still the life of the party around others.
Mine had a sense of humour
May 1, 2012 - 2:16pm — toomuchMine had a sense of humour when it involved pulling the wool over someones eyes... when he won in an unfair situation, beating someone up.. anyone or anything that was at a disadvantage in their situation.. OMG I never want anything to do with him! After the memories this question brought to mind there is no doubt he is a complete physcopath... I cannot even type what he thought was funny as it is so disturbing, you would shudder at the thought.. i always thought he was just imature but in reality he is a SICK SICK man.
Absolutely None
May 1, 2012 - 1:43pm — rosedewittbukaterxN had no sense of humour whatsoever.
I work for a sheriff's department. I filled out a blank ticket one day and under the "charge" I put "Stealing my heart"
the rest of it was filled out with all kinds of other funny cutsey romantic but totally G-rated stuff. I put it on her windshield so she would find it one morning after I had left.
Not only did she not think it was sweet and fun, she actually seemed mad and on the verge of raging.
Pathetic asswipe.
The ex had no sense if
May 1, 2012 - 1:28pm — tootsgeeThe ex had no sense if humour. But I saw a Sam vaknin vid of ns and sense of humour and apparently cos they only feel fear/rage and couple of other emotions they don't have space for funny... They r constantly in a state of agitation so no time!! Sick!
The only sitcom
May 1, 2012 - 1:18pm — knighty2035He finds hilarious is Two and a half men. He loves Charlie... go figure.. a NARC thinks another NARC that treats woman in a misogynistic and demeaning way hilarious. I think he was envious of Charlie's blatant whoring!
sense of humor
May 1, 2012 - 12:58pm — lilygirlGood Lord, a sense of humor! Hmm, well if he was really stoned he'd read Calvin & Hobbs and he'd laugh at that.
Mostly morose.
Fake smile also.
Lily
yes
May 1, 2012 - 12:55pm — BritMy daughter and I would be splitting our sides laughing at something on tele, he would be sitting there stony faced.
I can honestly say hand on heart he hardly ever smiled.
He hated me laughing, he would just glare at me and the look would say it all.
He had a very mean soul.
Brit x
not generally
May 1, 2012 - 1:16pm — knighty2035I found that the things that my stbxNPDh found funny were usually at the expense of another person. Mostly as he was making snarky opinions of someone else or pointing out something that really wasn't funny about another person's situation. Just the one-up kind of stuff.
Exactly
May 1, 2012 - 2:08pm — BlueMistYes, I agree. Fact is, making fun of oneself is part of a healthy mindset which indicates that one accepts his own flaws.
I never heard him making fun of himself.
Generally he had a great sense of humor, except the cases when he used his humor as a tool for passive-aggressive comments.
Rather than directly expressing what they really think of us, they choose to 'code' their hurtful opinions to disarm us from responding to their attacks.
Blue
Yes, I agree with what you
May 1, 2012 - 5:18pm — JoylessYes, I agree with what you said about they choose to 'code' their hurtfull opinions to disarm us from responding to their attacks. N has often said to me that he was just 'joking' when I'd confront him on something, however, he never ever laughed when and after he'd say them. I think if they actually laughed about something they may think they are letting their guard down or something...
Exactly, all snark and
May 1, 2012 - 2:01pm — CanadaExactly, all snark and one-upping. Mine uses Facebook to test out his humour to gain public approval, most of it is lame. It's all geared to get attention and validation from his 'fans'. He waits for people to post jokes/comments back and then humiliates them - he thinks he's smarter and wittier than anyone else.
Most people see through it and think he's a douche.
I can't remember
May 1, 2012 - 2:12pm — BtrflyGrlI can't remember if he had a sense of humor or not. I'm trying to recall what we laughed at and I can only think of one time he was making faces in the mirror and making me laugh.
That is kind of freaky isn't it. I know what makes other people laugh.
I guess that means he didn't. Weird...Most people thought my ExN was a douche too. He is a douche a total fucking douchebag!!!!
lol
May 1, 2012 - 3:06pm — BlueMistYou crack me up...totally. He was practicing I guess...
Blue
Oh yes Knighty!
May 1, 2012 - 1:46pm — rosedewittbukatermine was the same way. If I ever heard a slight chuckle out of her it was ALWAYS directed at someone else's misery or expense. Making fun of others seemed to be the only thing that made her laugh.