Butrflygrl's Story – Pt. 3 – Unraveling

By this point in the relationship I was exhausted. Trying to deal with the constant chaos and his lack of ownership in anything that went wrong. He had also been off work due to an injury and was becoming mysterious as to how he was spending all his time and money. He had taken to making wild promises and I was beginning to notice that he rarely if ever came through. There was always some excuse, some lame, and nonsense excuse. He also started chatting up other women and of course making sure I was aware of it.
Right now I feel sad and drawn so I’m going to wrap this up quickly. The idolization phase had certainly ended and we were on to devaluing. He kept me guessing throughout these next few months by surprising me with gifts and occasional compliments. But I knew something was amiss. Sex became infrequent and getaways went away all together. He would not shower or brush his teeth for days at a time claiming depression. Then it was opiate withdrawal. Then it was stress of workers comp.

When the boy was released from juvenile hall I felt I had no choice but to ask him to move his son elsewhere. I didn’t feel my home or possessions were safe and had to protect myself. So they found a small apartment across the street from the grocery store. For months he would come over to stay the night with me around 3 am and then hang around my house all day doing god knows what. He claimed to be doing retraining research but I knew he was lying. Nobody could do that 8-hours a day. He would leave here a 8 pm to meet his son’s curfew and then it turned to 6 pm when he’d leave right after dinner. He would never explain to me why he had to go so early. I now believe that is the time deli-girl got off of work.

He told me that he wanted to buy me a promise ring because now that we weren’t working together he wanted everyone to know I was taken. We went shopping for one but it was never purchased. This was around October. We had saved up some money together so I gave him a big chunk $5k to buy the ring with part and do whatever with the rest. The money disappeared and I got no ring. He cashed out his vacation and 401k another $21k and that money disappeared and no ring. Christmas came along and guess what, no ring. He gave me a sign that said “I love you to the moon and back” I thought it was lovely and it brought tears to my eyes.

I was very upset about his mysterious waste of money when we were still supposed to have joint finances. I was told that my asking questions about money would cause a problem. So he would pick fights, leave early and grew ever more distant. Certainly he was busy securing his new supply.

Valentine’s day roles around and I finally get the promised Promise Ring. It was beautiful but cheap in comparison to the one we had picked out together. He said that he didn’t want this ring to outshine “the ring” he would be getting me in the future. Once his son was 18 we would run away into the sunset to live out our lives together. We had each other and according to him was all we would need.

March comes along and he surprises me with the news that he would be driving back to his family with his son to visit while he had the opportunity before he began school. During the two weeks he was gone he ignored my texts and caused me to feel insecure and say stupid things. I tried to break it off while he was gone. He insisted I was being hasty and told me how much he loved me and to wait until we could talk face to face. Two weeks later he was on his way home, alone, having dropped his son off with his mother. I asked him what was going on with him and insisted he answer – so he texted me it was over between us.

The following day I asked him for a face to face and was granted one on the condition that I would not try to touch, hug or grab at him. He arrived and proceeded to recite all the reasons he had decided I was no longer the love of his life. I didn’t like facebook, I asked questions about money, I was mouthy, blah blah blah. He was cold and non-negotiable. I was reeling. I changed the locks, made him remove his shit from my property and managed to squeeze a few bucks out of him for leaving me with a broken door, 5 animals and two trashed rooms from his children. Not to mention everything else was in a state of disrepair.

I found Lisa’s book frantically surfing for answers on my smartphone at 3 am one morning and ordered it straight away. It led me to this wonderful group. I am now 28 days NC and slowly beginning to come to terms with what happened. And that my friends is my story. I am broken hearted, angry, lonely, yet hopefu and moving on with my life now. Thank goodness he cut me loose so I can learn to live for myself again. He’s just a loser and I was just his pawn.