on POF but I did see him on there recently searching for fresh supply even though he is still with the OW he left me for. I am waiting for the day she finds out the truth -I don't think she'll take it well!

We have to be so carefull on those dating sites! I joined a couple but can't bring myself to answer any emails yet. They all look and sound fake. Trust is an issue that will take time for me to overcome.

Add me to the list too

Please know, I am not judging those who have used the Internet for dating. I have to say though, it scares me to death especially after being a member on this forum. It is yet another manufactured way inherent in our culture designed for instant gratification, in this case in regard our needs.

People have been seriously injured, stalked and even killed as in the Craigslist murder. After your recovery, please stay away from these narcissitic playgrounds. Being a little old fashioned goes a long way. Stay safe and true to you!

Janie

Just logged on to remove my profile and there was the email from the good Dr.

"I'm a small town Dr and singer songwriter. Although I have lots of woman interested in me I'm looking for someone special."

Translation:

I'm a small town Dr because no one else will hire me. I have been on match for 8 years and exhausted the local supply. I notice you are a widow and very vulnerable.

I met my N on a dating site but after that, we dated for over one year. I thought I knew him. We lived 2 hours apart and I guess I didn't see who he really was until we married. He turned out to be the opposite of the man I thought I was marrying. After 6 years of lies and betrayals, I am at the point of divorce and I just discovered he has $30,000 in debts due to his drug abuse. He has just been using me as a cash cow all this time and I thought we were building a family and a future together. I don't think it matters how you meet, if you are a giving and loving person, you are vulnerable to unscrupulous people. My N is a well educated, charming monster who is already grooming his next victim. I am so glad I found this site to help me keep my head on straight and to help me not feel like a foolish, stupid dupe.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. Sometimes I think my need to protect myself is so strong that I will never let anyone have the chance to hurt me again. Or the despair I feel after looking at what is available "out there" is so overwhelming that I will just give up forever. I just hate to be suspicious, or negative, but after the experiences I've had I feel that anything less would just be foolish. What is that old saying? Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me!!!

My ex used pof he said, but of course, took his profile down (he said) when dating me. lol Probably not, looking back. I had heard he kept his profile active when dating the woman after me. Anyways...lol

My personal take on dating websites is that it's lessened people's interpersonal communication skills, and makes it look like everything has a price, even people. Like walking through a meat market, and looking at the cuts of meat, and thinking...oh, that one looks good, but the next one, eh, not so much.

Just think as a society, we have turned the internet into more than what it was intended to do. To me, it was never designed to be what it's become. And dating websites to me, just feel fake and weird. Like I'm on an auction block or something...waiting for someone to bid on me.

No thanks...and seeing it's a narcissist's haven, I'll pass. lol Just my take on those sites.

I bump into enough narcs in real life, anyways...I don't want to meet more on the internet! hahaha

I met my N on a dating site, too. I had a friend who was having a "great time" meeting men on this site, and I thought I would try it. The really sad thing is that not only are there N's on these sites, but so many pathetic guys who have absolutely no clue what women want. I remember hitting the delete key over and over, not believing some of the messages I had. I don't think many of them even read what you put on your site, they are simply relating to the picture. For instance I would say I have an education and a job, and I like to read and travel. I want a man who would be compatible with my interests. Then I would get a message like "U sur r cute, do u lik sex?" Or they have pictures of their cars, trucks, motorcycles, boats, and hunting or fishing pictures on their sites. Or pictures of them without a shirt, or drinking, or looking like they are stoned out of their minds. All of these losers make the N's look good, because the N's know what you are looking for and what you want. Of course, they do not intend to provide it either, but they know how to bait the trap. I really think that a woman must become a detective, and create a "method" to follow when seeking a mate. The method must inclued a background, criminal and credit check, and before you get serious with anyone you need to meet their family and friends. If they don't have either, that is a huge red flag, and if their family and/or friends are dysfunctional, that should tell you plenty about your date. I am not seeking perfection, and I have dysfunctional family and friends, too. But before I would introduce someone to them, I would try to explain some of the lessons I have learned because of my association with my family and friends. If the potential person doesn't realize there are problems there, or hasn't learned from past experiences in his life -- he probably won't ever change. Big red flag. No, not very romantic, but the reality is you have to protect yourself. Sorry, I know this is mostly discouraging, but think about it. How many women do you know who are attractive, smart, funny, employed, and have their act generally together? Now, how many men do you know that you can say any of those things about? You see the problem? It is hard to be a heterosexual woman these days, there are few good choices out there!!!!