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I'd like a raise of hands. How many met their narcs on a dating site? I met the dip shit on POF.
So with a red face I raise my hand,"I did"
on POF but I did see him on there recently searching for fresh supply even though he is still with the OW he left me for. I am waiting for the day she finds out the truth -I don't think she'll take it well!
We have to be so carefull on those dating sites! I joined a couple but can't bring myself to answer any emails yet. They all look and sound fake. Trust is an issue that will take time for me to overcome.
should name that site "Plenty of Psychopaths" instead.... that site is ridden with them - and if you are lucky enough to not have the right bait to hook one there are still plenty of jerks - never was on a dating site never will be - too scared
Add me to the list too
Lesson learnt though - they are full of pond life - for people who can not form a lasting and healthy relationship through normal social situations and friendships.
There endeth my sermon!
My N has just met his NS on one - declared undying love to her within 2 weeks of meeting her and 2 weeks after leaving me. Sick enducing.
Steer clear ladies - Sheridan says that internet sites are the hunting ground for phsycopaths!
Please know, I am not judging those who have used the Internet for dating. I have to say though, it scares me to death especially after being a member on this forum. It is yet another manufactured way inherent in our culture designed for instant gratification, in this case in regard our needs.
People have been seriously injured, stalked and even killed as in the Craigslist murder. After your recovery, please stay away from these narcissitic playgrounds. Being a little old fashioned goes a long way. Stay safe and true to you!
If you scroll down to the bottom comment you'll see that I almost became one of those statistics.
It's a long story so I'll cut to the chase. I went to Colorado to meet a guy I'd been talking to for a year(I'm in British Columbia) The closer it got for it to be time for me to leave and come home the more agitated he got, his behavior got weird, he warped into acting like a silly little boy, talking baby talk in a baby voice and and playing peek-a-boo...a grown man! Then one night he dragged me out of bed at gun point. By then I already knew I was going to have a hard getting him to let me leave. Earlier as I realized I was in over my head while he was in the bathroom I'd taken my ID and debit card and HID it in my car. I took to the car key off the ring and was keeping it with me in my front pocket. He was HYPER VIGILANT!!! IF I moved my purse he noticed and wanted to know why...if I went into my bags he was ON IT. It was bad. I thought I was going to have to make a run for it and leave my things. So when I had a moment I prepared to run.
Then came the night he dragged me out of bed with his 357 hand gun. He told me to go sleep in his son's room (who lives with his mom) I asked why. I KNEW tho. He wanted to shoot me in a room I shouldn't be in and say that he heard something in his son's room and shot in the dark and it turned out to be me....an accident. He said,"THEY" were outside and on the roof. THEY were there to kill him because he'd quit THEM because of me. (THEY being a secret government mercenary group) I KNEW knew knew not to get more than a foot away from him or he'd shoot me. I had to be a certain distance from him so he could claim he couldn't see who it was and so that I wouldn't be shot point blank. I knew that too. So I pretended to be scared of THEM and hung onto his arm for hours in the dark in the middle of the night saying I wasn't going to leave his side, that THEY would have to kill me too. He seemed to like my "devotion" but he kept trying to shove my towards his son's room and telling me to go in there. Finally he realized that things weren't working as he'd planned and he gave it up. I really played into the "US against THEM"
FUCK....I feel sick talking about it.
Through it all I "heard" a voice too. An angel...God...directing me...telling me exactly how to stay alive...what to say...what to do. It's not the first time I heard it so I obeyed it implicitly.
I spent the next 2 days convincing him that I'd fallen madly and deeply in love and wanted go home and get my kids and come back so we could start our life together immediately. I asked him to look into schools. Talked about getting another bed for his son's room for my son. I talked about a big wedding or vegas?....I WORKED IT!
When I pulled out of there I drove like my ass was on fire. I spent that night in my car at a truck stop out side of Laramie in December in 70-80 mile an hour wind/snow storm....SOOOO grateful to be alive.
There's more but I talked to that guy for a YEAR!!! He was supportive, intelligent, funny(the only red flag was a temper) I went down to VISIT...no obligations...just friends.
No more online dating for me. First Colorado then the NARC. I'm batting 2 for 2. I DON'T want to find out about strike 3.
hi, thanks for the response, i'm trying to avoid them but loneliness is really hard for me. plus i have a high sex drive which really drives me sometimes.
is always masturbation and it is safer!!
You could end up alone in a coffin. This is nothing to take lightly. There are numerous articles written about the dangers of these Internet sites.
Please, stay true to you! You deserve this!
yup met mine on pof too
Just logged on to remove my profile and there was the email from the good Dr.
"I'm a small town Dr and singer songwriter. Although I have lots of woman interested in me I'm looking for someone special."
I'm a small town Dr because no one else will hire me. I have been on match for 8 years and exhausted the local supply. I notice you are a widow and very vulnerable.
But he was on there at the time we met and he is on there again.
Watch out ladies on POF!
Now that I think about it, he is kida like JAWS out there in the ocean fishing for supply.
I met my N on a dating site but after that, we dated for over one year. I thought I knew him. We lived 2 hours apart and I guess I didn't see who he really was until we married. He turned out to be the opposite of the man I thought I was marrying. After 6 years of lies and betrayals, I am at the point of divorce and I just discovered he has $30,000 in debts due to his drug abuse. He has just been using me as a cash cow all this time and I thought we were building a family and a future together. I don't think it matters how you meet, if you are a giving and loving person, you are vulnerable to unscrupulous people. My N is a well educated, charming monster who is already grooming his next victim. I am so glad I found this site to help me keep my head on straight and to help me not feel like a foolish, stupid dupe.
I call it Plenty of Assholes!
Thanks for the words of encouragement. Sometimes I think my need to protect myself is so strong that I will never let anyone have the chance to hurt me again. Or the despair I feel after looking at what is available "out there" is so overwhelming that I will just give up forever. I just hate to be suspicious, or negative, but after the experiences I've had I feel that anything less would just be foolish. What is that old saying? Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me!!!
thats right and the great thing about this site is that there is always someone who can offer their wisdom, their opinion, their insight...I sure as hell dont agree with them all but I value each and everybody's opinion.
So you may feel like protection for now and lots of people will back you, there is 'no right' but there is experience of life from every person here.
That said..lol I am qualifying myself :) I dont think shame on you in this instance..whether your dick is an N or a P sometimes once isnt enough to learn the lessons x
My ex used pof he said, but of course, took his profile down (he said) when dating me. lol Probably not, looking back. I had heard he kept his profile active when dating the woman after me. Anyways...lol
My personal take on dating websites is that it's lessened people's interpersonal communication skills, and makes it look like everything has a price, even people. Like walking through a meat market, and looking at the cuts of meat, and thinking...oh, that one looks good, but the next one, eh, not so much.
Just think as a society, we have turned the internet into more than what it was intended to do. To me, it was never designed to be what it's become. And dating websites to me, just feel fake and weird. Like I'm on an auction block or something...waiting for someone to bid on me.
No thanks...and seeing it's a narcissist's haven, I'll pass. lol Just my take on those sites.
I bump into enough narcs in real life, anyways...I don't want to meet more on the internet! hahaha
him on POF, but all the dating websites have the most shallow men i have ever encountered, pathetic,looking for Cindy Crawford, lots of luck...........
I met my N on a dating site, too. I had a friend who was having a "great time" meeting men on this site, and I thought I would try it. The really sad thing is that not only are there N's on these sites, but so many pathetic guys who have absolutely no clue what women want. I remember hitting the delete key over and over, not believing some of the messages I had. I don't think many of them even read what you put on your site, they are simply relating to the picture. For instance I would say I have an education and a job, and I like to read and travel. I want a man who would be compatible with my interests. Then I would get a message like "U sur r cute, do u lik sex?" Or they have pictures of their cars, trucks, motorcycles, boats, and hunting or fishing pictures on their sites. Or pictures of them without a shirt, or drinking, or looking like they are stoned out of their minds. All of these losers make the N's look good, because the N's know what you are looking for and what you want. Of course, they do not intend to provide it either, but they know how to bait the trap. I really think that a woman must become a detective, and create a "method" to follow when seeking a mate. The method must inclued a background, criminal and credit check, and before you get serious with anyone you need to meet their family and friends. If they don't have either, that is a huge red flag, and if their family and/or friends are dysfunctional, that should tell you plenty about your date. I am not seeking perfection, and I have dysfunctional family and friends, too. But before I would introduce someone to them, I would try to explain some of the lessons I have learned because of my association with my family and friends. If the potential person doesn't realize there are problems there, or hasn't learned from past experiences in his life -- he probably won't ever change. Big red flag. No, not very romantic, but the reality is you have to protect yourself. Sorry, I know this is mostly discouraging, but think about it. How many women do you know who are attractive, smart, funny, employed, and have their act generally together? Now, how many men do you know that you can say any of those things about? You see the problem? It is hard to be a heterosexual woman these days, there are few good choices out there!!!!
your post is soo GREAT, it makes me realize it is not me, it is so discouraging trying to meet a decent man i feel any connection with, all they care about is sex and I like sex a lot too, but want the whole pie, it is rough being a heterosexual woman in todays world, thanks for making me realize it is NOT just me!!I am over 3 years out and still have not met any good man to share my life with........................
This is one of the most empowering posts I have read on here. You are talking about taking your power back. Taking control of the situation and checking out these men BEFORE they burn you not after. You are talking about becoming a smart dater and self protection.
Excellent read. Thrilled that you are realizing that protecting ourselves is essential in the world of dating these days.
Thank you for sharing your journey with this.
I didn't meet mine on a website, but I did discover that he had a POF account while he we were together.
When I confronted him about it he said he used it as a way to make himself feel better because I made him feel so crappy. He lied on his profile about everything, his job, education, hobbies, you name it he lied about it. So the attention he was receiving was based on lies yet that made him feel validated???
It's all about supply.
You answered your own question: Supply!
Don't worry about him. Your turn now!
So many people say they have a "friend" that met their husbands on these dating websites and they are very happily married. You would be hard pressed to prove that to me though.
Dating websites are a narcs playground and quite frankly, I have no interest in squeezing produce in a supermarket to find the "right" piece of fruit, let alone do that on a dating website. What a nightmare that would be, weeding through all the narcs to find a normal man. Couldn't be bothered at this point.
And he met my replacement, who he will soon marry, on the same website, 10 years later, with the same picture.
For years, I would have been one of those friends who said she was happily married. I had no other choice but to try to be happy.
They are rife with Narcs. I met the P on site, I was intrigued by his abuse from the word go.
OK I will admit to something I havent on here before as you have opened the convo...one night after d and d..and this is recent.. I went back on, got talking to some men to try and boost my self esteem..
Only one caught my eye..guess what, a Dom who wants to hurt me. Def a pattern..I came off the site but to me it shows I have big issues I need to address. He is again everything I go for..intrigue, abuse, charisma, detached.
The good news is my counselling starts early May so I am going to address this problem once and for all, it does feel like a disease..
A lot of people on here have got burnt by one Narc, I went out actively looking for those traits. Then guilt sets in, I think god what am I doing, fear sets in that I am again thinking of meeting a stranger in a room whose name I dont know for a few hours of dominated abuse..I scare myself sometimes..and thats said seriously.
Its a big problem thats slipped out of control.
I definitely have a type. I love big brash but gregarious men...who laugh loud...work hard...and play hard...love large. Men gravitate towards them (man's man)I like a big bear of a man. Dark haired...a little shaggy...
I broke type with the NARC. I deliberately decided to step out of my comfort zone and give him a chance. He is tall but slender (I like husky men)...blonde. Metrosexual. Women gravitate towards him (lady's man) At first he was quiet in social settings except to be a smart ass...in a weird awkward way.
Btw way I did meet another guy online. AFF. We talked for year. DEC 05 I went to visit him in Colorado. When I got there I found a psychopath and probably paranoid schizophrenic (hearing voices, the military was watching him)...LIED...LIED...LIED. Long horrible story short I ended up at the wrong end of his gun. Yes...he intended to kill me. The only reason I am not composting in his back yard is because of divine intervention...GOD got me out of it. And what did I do in FEB 06? Got a profile on POF and met NARC.
What did I learn? STAY THE FUCK OFF ONLINE DATING SITES!!
I just read your posts and they sent chills up and down my spine. I am so glad that you were able to get away from that crazy man. I have been on the dating sites before, but this certainly has made me think if I will ever go on again. Thank-you for the courage to share your story. I am so glad that you are in a safe place, and healing from these experiences. I wish you the best as you continue on your journey.
with a warm hug,
AFF stands for adult fuck finders. Sorry, what did you expect?
Ladies, ever heard of a vibrator?
Lily, I didn't go looking for sex.
I thought it was a singles site for adults. I'd just gotten my first computer and gotten online...I was completely computer and internet illiterate.
It was shocking and disgusting.
OMG, you were a babe in the woods. I know about AFF cause the expsy had a profile on there. He used it to meet up w swinger couples. It says the world's largest hook up site. You are lucky to be alive.
I found his profile & was shocked. Did you look at the pics people post on there? They don't show their faces. Hint hint
Listen learned. These sites are dangerous and loaded with creeps. Stay away for your own safety!
Heck, I look on dating sites all the time and didn't know what AFF was!
Naive! I'd been married 26 years & did not know what a swinger was, I thought pornography was illegal, had no idea that swinger dating sites existed.
The doc sure educated me. These people are sex addicts & very dangerous.
I have a client that did marketing research for AFF, he said it became the dark night of his soul. A brilliant man - he became addicted to the site.
Please be careful.
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