I have to get out of spinning mode, I have had it all playing in my head on a continuous loop with only short periods of respite. I have been dreaming so even sleep offers no peace. This morning I have come to the conclusion that I had some really good times as well as the rough stuff. So I'm gonna just think of it all as done now and walk away. I'm going to be grateful for the happiness I had ( there was some) and just consider that the price I paid was exceedingly high. That's all, And that's ok, it seems to sit ok with me.
We have to get over this as best we can. Learn from our mistakes. I have known trauma and loss (one of my twin sons died). This was before n. I have suffered before him, I have strength. I have had to dig deep to cope with this. My instincts tell me to be grateful for what I have had and let all the sh@t go now. I know I have overpaid for the little bit of nice, but I'm used to being ripped off.
Thank you for reading, I wanted to write this down to reinforce it for me.