It's been just over a month since my exN ended our engagement over the phone. Every morning I wake up thinking about the good times. Since our engagement was only a few months before he ended it, my mind feels "trapped" in that memory of our engagement trip and how sincere and happy he seemed. It is causing even more sadness, confusion, etc. I have to literally, everyday, read about N's and replay the bad, like the way he ended things, among EVERYTHING else. The problem is he was so charming and so subtle in his manipulation and "abuse tactics" (although those are becoming more clear to me and they weren't so "subtle")... He was literally one way with me and another person when I wasn't around, it seemed.
Does anybody have any advice? Why am I having such a hard time connecting the dots in my head?