I do not fear being alone - alone is my preferred state. One of the interesting things posted here many times though is how long we should wait before having another relationship and there are several responses to this:

1. Who says that being in a relationship at all is necessary? Work, friends, family can be fulfilling enough for many.

2. What exactly does a relationship consist of anyway? Spending time with someone, falling in love, moving in together perhaps marriage/children? This sounds like death to me not least as I've done marriage and hated every single moment of it every part of living with someone and being in prison legally bound unable to escape was anathema. There were good reasons why we were drawn to Ns and one of those is perhaps many of us weren't looking for what our society deems a conventional relationship pairing? Though we don't want the truly disordered in our lives if living non-conventionally of course.

Fantasy thinking of happy ever after with our soul mates led us all to hell and the depths of despair. So perhaps the real question is not who fears being alone but given that we do enjoy the company of people and one in particular with whom we can express love, affection, care - the physical - then what exactly do we want from any man/woman who comes in to our lives? What do we want from a romantic relationship? How do we keep independent, what boundaries will we need to set (different for everyone)? What will be our breaking point and will we have the strength to walk away immediately and not look back? Knowing ourselves and understanding our expectations regarding relationships, how to keep ourselves safe if someone arrives, how to leave quickly if the red flags appear, never settling for second rate/second best, and acknowledging that the choices we make now may ultimately lead to us being alone - this may indeed be a sensible way to be in the world. We have to live with the consequences of all we choose/all we do but as long as we were in control of this process, did as little harm to others in the process then this is also fine. We have only one life, live your life, your way, to your rhythms.

I have kids, friends, etc. But do I fear never having a special someone to 'grow old with?'

Perhaps.

Mostly what I fear is never learning to trust again, and pushing away well intentioned, good hearted men, when they come my way...and I will have created my own alone-ness.

:(

I am older, child long gone and grownup and think about being alone ALOT. Men I have met are so shallow and empty and dating sites the absolute worse..any normal person doesn't want to be alone forever, my exnarc doesn't mind, but then again he has a personality disorder, I do not.....I pray to God and the universe a lot to bring a nice man my way where we both like each other..........

From time to time, especially if I'm tired or haven't been out with friends for awhile, that fear flashes through my head, but I am happy to say, it is only a flash.

After all, who wants to be 'alone forever'? That is such an ominous statement. WAY too extreme and catastrophically imagining a future we know NOTHING about and fearing it feeds something other than love to ourselves.

We may need to do a lot of healing and growing before we are ready to attract a healthy relationship and that is perfectly fine if you just let it be what it is and take responsibility to do the work for yourself, in however much time it takes.

Single or not, happiness HAS to build and come from within before it has any strength of sustainability against outside influence. Being alone is a GREAT way to develop our self love and inner peace so the roots are strong enough so the tree only bends with the wind instead of breaking.

AND truly happy people attract others who are also whole within themselves. It's a win win really, this single time allowing us to develop that opportunity rather than settle for less out of fear.

Journey on... xo

There is a big difference between being alone and lonliness. I have a feeling, that you will find exactly what you need at the end of your journey....

Keep staying true to you!
You'll see!

xoxoxo
Janie