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Why??? Im gonna throw up.....
janemarie
Member since:
1 year 29 weeks
1 year 29 weeks
Last activity:
2 days 20 hours
2 days 20 hours
Why??? Im gonna throw up.....
Posted April 27, 2012 - 8:53am
So this friend I know reaches out to me....says my name came up at work...he is politically connected so I thought it was about a job for me....
He begins telling me about this woman he knows....long story short...it's the OW!!!!!!! Then he continues to tell me how he heard that I dated her bf and is it true that he conned me out of money and left me homeless...blah blah blah......I WAS TREMBLING!!!!!!!!!
I broke down a bit and confirmed....then he continues to tell me how the OW tried breaking up with my Narc a few times but is still with him.....
He said she may want to reach out to me.....and as always I want to help others....I did write to her a week after I found out about them back in Oct,, to warn her...and the email was tasteful...nonthreatening...she ignored it.
His exwife and exgf helped me a lot in the beginning when I first left....I dont know what to do!!!!!
I would love to tell her to escape and run as fast as she can...Do I care about her?? HELL NO!!! This would be all about getting him "to get his" shoved right up his ass!!!! I want him to be out of supply and alone!!!!!!! I want him to miserable like he made me and all of our kids!!!!!!!!!
Anyway.....I was stunned, broke down....WHY....WHY does HE come back to haunt me??!?!?!?!?!
UGH What a way to start the f'n day!!!!!!!!
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
Help yourself. When you can
April 28, 2012 - 11:45am — Im_always_fineHelp yourself. When you can talk about what he did to you without getting nauseous and crying you will be well enough to make healthy decisions about whether or not you want to help others.
The most I would do is send her a link to this site. Then she can get help if she wants it.
If you
April 28, 2012 - 10:03am — neverlookbackthrow up make sure you throw up on him!! THe OW are objects just as you were, dont forget that - you were once beside him as others were cast out like broken toaster ovens - dont feel sad - feel BAD for her - feel bad for everyone they come in contact with x0x0
interesting
April 28, 2012 - 6:53am — SundaySmile"I want him to miserable like he made me and all of our kids!!!!!!!!!"
You said he was a narc/So why would you want to make him miserable? Revenge? - first of all he cant feel what you feel so it wouldn't work..
Secondly it is a time suck of energy and only causes you to drop to the level of a narc.
Let's break this down to what
April 27, 2012 - 9:29pm — RenegadeLet's break this down to what it really is...male co-worker knows you used to date a guy his "friend" is trying to break up with but needs "your help" = "I need you to help me get this chick I'm interested away from the guy she's with so I can sleep with her".
What a jerk off. Use your energy to save puppies if you're feeling charitable. THAT situation is a hot mess you want no part of.
This reminds me
April 27, 2012 - 7:32pm — ruby01of when I used to play that game "telephone" as a child. By the time the original message gets to the last player, it's all wrong.
Ignore.
Who knows the truth and who cares at this point?
Just seeing this now
April 27, 2012 - 6:19pm — MovingforwardnowNothing we can do or say to open the OW's eyes. They will figure it out in due time, didn't you remind me of that the other night?
Love you!
Stay strong, call if you need to.
xoxoxox
mfn
Im done....
April 27, 2012 - 3:07pm — janemarieThe mutual friend texted me later...told me he was sorry if he upset me...He told me his intent was to tell her because she confides in him when she has trouble with the Narc.....
I told him to have her look up Narcissism and Lisa's book...and I left it at that.....
Im done now....
Goldie you are right...I warned her already and she blew me off....Im done...
Just wanna be left alone....I even withdrew the legal matter so I dont have to deal with him at all.....I made peace with the money loss....
Im done....
JM
April 27, 2012 - 3:19pm — Janie53I hope I'm interrupting your I'm Done in a positive way. I'm not aware of your legalities, but if I would sleep on the streets is a refrigerator box if that would avoid me from contact with the psychopath.
Stay true to you and the kids!
xoxox
Janie
STAY AWAY
April 27, 2012 - 11:14am — BritIt's all a pathetic game in narcville. Stay away and stay strong. You must put yourself first and foremost. Leave them all to play the narc game and be happy you are out. I'm happy for you BIG TIME.
Brit x
I would strongly advise
April 27, 2012 - 10:30am — jaime17I would strongly advise setting up some serious boundaries with this "friend" who is trying to pull you into this mess, if not going NC altogether with him. A real friend would know what you've been through with the XN and would think about how this information would impact you. Moreso, what is this "friend" doing talking to your XN's OW? Not that the OW are the perpetrators in this situation -- we're all victims of the N, just walking different paths. BUT your friend should display some loyalty here and not be in touch with someone who is in a relationship with your XN.
Just food for thought. I discovered that once I stood up for myself and stopped allowing myself to be played for a sex toy/doormat with the N, I started to take a hard look at the other relationships in my life. Unfortunately, I found a few friendships that needed to be "weeded out" because they weren't healthy for me either. We should only ever allow people into our lives who add love, joy, and respect to our existence. If they don't, we don't need them!
Jane you're a caregiver, STOP
April 27, 2012 - 10:22am — goldieThis time now is all about Jane. You have been drained enough for one lifetime. STOP.
This is in no way your responsibility. You don't need to find her. If she wants help, she can email you back or find you. And if she does, my suggestion is real simple.
Tell her that you are concentrating on your own life and you only have two words for her at this time. GET OUT and leave it at that. You do NOT want to get in the middle of this, it will only continue to trigger you and what you went through with him. You ALREADY did warn her. What more does she need to know. Even responding at all would be generous to her after she blew you off before. You dont' even need to respond if you choose not to. I wouldn't say much if anything because you also still have that legal matter pending and emails are admissible in court. Protect yourself. She needs to find her own way and you know they don't listen anyway when they are still hooked.
We know what she wants. She wants answers, she wants YOU to do the WORK FOR HER. Sorry, but this is an inside job as we all know. YOU do NOT have her answers for her, YOU have your answers for YOU.
Any contact YOU make with her will only create his wrath towards you. AND she WILL tell him what you say, they always do, even if they promise not to because they cannot control themselves while their own addiction is active.
Take care of Jane, be good to Jane. Please let it go and leave it alone.
God bless,
Goldie
All he does it hurt and
April 27, 2012 - 10:17am — HunterAll he does it hurt and destroy.. You were in his path ., now he hurts another .,
I would link her to this site. But don't get too involved it will just hurt you.
See will learn as you have. As the ex wife has, as the ex girlfriend has and do on and do forth..
You are not the only one he had Hurt.. Narcs hurt people that's what they do.,
Hunter
It won't happen
April 27, 2012 - 9:44am — knighty2035You CAN'T run him out of supply unless you decide to expend most of your energy and thoughts on him. Finding out his latest NS... and is that really what you want? For him to know he still mean soooo much to you that you are willing to go to those length to ensure he is alone? There will be 10 more after this woman... are probably 2 more on the hook already if he's a NARC. By investing in that type of thought, keeps YOU on the hook too.
Janemarie
April 27, 2012 - 9:52am — Janie53No contact to any of them- it keeps you connected. I had a similiar situation and had to cut it off to proceed with my recovery. Remember, it is all about us now!
Save you JM,
Stay true!
xxxxooo
Janie
Do absolutely NOTHING. This
April 27, 2012 - 9:10am — SparrowDo absolutely NOTHING.
This is all fabricated b.s. and you need to view it as such.
Shake it off and pretend the conversation never took place. If you don't and you reach out to these OW's (plural, OMG!) you will REGRET it.
Spend your time on you, your boys, work, family, the gym.........take a class, something. Take yourself OUT of this social market that is causing you so much angst!
THE ONLY WAY...TRULY, THE
April 27, 2012 - 9:00am — Deidre99THE ONLY WAY...TRULY, THE ONLY WAY TO PEACE...AND HEALING...IS NC.
Don't bother writing her anymore. Talking to her. If she's trying to leave, then she sees exactly what she's dealing with.
I'm all for helping others. But, this is the OW, and she could change her opinion of you from minute to minute. I would steer clear of her, whether it be through text, in person, or through email.
It's time to stop worrying about her, and him...and get on with your own life. You will never heal if you continue to entertain this bullshit.
Who cares if she stays or leaves or has ten of his babies? It's her life. You have your own life to live, which is why you're no longer with him.
I hope you make the right choice, and stay NC. It's just sooooooo not worth it in the end.
and sad to say. HE WILL NEVER
April 27, 2012 - 9:03am — Deidre99and sad to say. HE WILL NEVER BE OUT OF SUPPLY. as long as there are women to buy his bullshit (like I once did with my ex and you did with him, etc etc etc) he will always have supply.
Unless you want to become the Norma Rae of protecting every naive woman in the world, you need to just move on, and ignore all this nonsense. That's all this is...white noise.
He, and the OW, and the messenger who was sent to tell you this...ALL WHITE NOISE.
I remember how tiring this all was. Like a mouse being lose in a maze on a daily basis, trying to find the exit sign...you just get further and further enmeshed in bullshit with these narcs and their minions.
Stay NC at all costs. ((hugs))
You should have told him to
April 27, 2012 - 8:58am — UsedYou should have told him to DO ONE!!!!!!!!!!!
He is useing you.....He is a messenger for his EX...and you know what to do next time, why would she want to get in touch with you by telling him!!!!!
HE IS PLAYING GAMES....DO NOT LET HIM...
My good friends don't mention
April 27, 2012 - 10:02pm — bluegirlMy good friends don't mention his name, don't update me on anything he is doing, and definitely wouldn't suggest I help the next victim. They saw what it did to me, and wouldn't allow it. Plus, I remember what i was like toward the end. You can't trust her right now. She is probably heading firmly into crazy territory. If the friend gives her this site and she can't tell from reading here, then she's really not ready. If it helps her avoid any of the pain, although we seem to need to wallow in it before we can let go, then so much the better.