I've known for a long time that the EXNH-Psychopath wanted to kill me.
He expressed this in many ways. Some overt. Mostly covert.
He was fascinated by studied on social hierarchy, like this one:
I have found it very comforting when people have given me a heads-up about what is coming next with the separation-custodybattle-divorce. Even if it was terrible news, if I knew what to expect, I was grateful. People were able to guide me in this respect. However, no one predicted how the EXNH-Psychopath would CONTINUE to persecute me post custody settlement.
I have come to the conclusion that he really does want me dead. Without any shadow of a doubt in my mind. Now, please don't get your nervous system riled up over that statement. I assure you that I have done everything I can do to protect myself from him. At this time, I do not expect that any overt harm is headed my way. But I am sure he intends to continue his attempts with subjecting me to STRESS.
I have been under chronic stress because of him for a decade. He is unrelenting. I'm like a monkey who is having her immune system compromised.
I don't ever think he will change. It is up to me to change. It's all very 12 step - God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I withstood this stress for years. I have suffered from it. I have survived the relationship. I am out of it. I'm on the other side. I am through the tunnel.
He pursues me with my children. With finances. With proxies.
I must breathe. I must meditate. I must reach out to you all. I must get it out. I must feel my feelings. I must exercise. I must sleep. I must smile.
I must make smart choices that preserve my ability to withstand the stressors, to deflect them, ignore them, counteract them.
The blessing of all this is that I am like one of those guys that had a heart attack at a young age, who is 90 years old, reporting about his secret to a long life. The secret is, to NOT take life so seriously, NOT get stressed out.
I am NOT going to let this maniac and his proxies kill me.
I WILL learn how to handle the stress, to rise above it. And that will be the ultimate WIN for me -- that I have learned that HUGE lesson in life -- to take care of myself & to take it easy.