I knew it. I could feel it in my bones. I guess women's intuition is dead on. He made contact. Fake FB page and just a smiley face message. I blocked anyone that has any connection to him so he created a fake page. I did not respond. And I packed my car and left town.

Hi Layla,

Thanks for the support again. I honestly looked because I wanted to reassure myself he's settled and 'happy.' I know if he is he will leave me alone. I am just getting to the point I'm not looking over my shoulder. I just needed reassurance he's staying put. I'm going away for the weekend so I won't be stressed. But I'm honestly seriously considering moving for a while.

One thing I know is that all of the men I have ever been with try and come back. And not just once but for ever!!! None of them have been as dangerous as this one though. The man I was in a relationship with for several years before i married this monster found out I'm single again about a month ago. I respond to him one time saying 'we tried and its never worked. I will never allow anyone in my life again who has abused me. Please do not contact me or look for me. You will never get another response.' I have not responded since, for an entire month, but I'm getting emails, texts and phone calls all day every day. Saying he's going to therapy, he knows he's a selfish pathological liar who has destroyed many lives and he's working his butt off to fix it, he still loves me, he can't live without me in his life, he's realized through the 2 1/2 years we've been apart and both married other people that I'm his soul mate, that he won't ever treat me badly again, blah blah blah. My first husband and father of my children has done it since the day we broke for good once every 3-4 months. Hes been asking me every day for about 3 months to move in with him and the kids so we can be a family again and he can 'protect' me and it will be just like old times. Oh heck no! I'd rather be shot which is exactly what I told him. I know thats not a possibility because Im likely to run him over with a truck if he looks at me crosseyed. And my high school sweetheart who I've seen off and on for over 20 years won't ever go away. Give him 6 months of not talking to him and he's hunting me down and will not relent until I pacify him with at least one date and a few calls. At least with him he gets his fix and goes away for a while.

It's like putting on a coat of armor every morning a preparing for battle. I delete, block, change email, change my phone number, etc. But my experience is they come back!!!! But this monster I just got free from is crazy. I can't help feeling if I've been with all these men who cycle back to get at me then what's this man gonna do? It's freaking scary.

As for orders I tried getting a protective order. If you can't serve them you can't get one. You can't even get a court date! I've tried getting him served over and over. They haven't ever been able to get him and I always have to start the process again. It's freaking exhausting!!! Now it's been a few months so I have to wait until he tries something again. I'm not too sure I see the logic in that. But the police say they have thousands of women in danger and have to deal with the most pressing stuff.

I've decided to prayer battle him into prison!!! Lol. I know God deals with everyone how he sees fit, but I just can't help getting on my knees once in a while and begging he goes to jail for a long long time.

Just wanted to say yes this is a pattern. If you read my story you will see it clearly. My mom is a crack addict and my father is a violently abusive alcoholic. I've had more stitches and breaks than I can count. My dad is so violent I've been shot at, beaten with a bull whip, had my throat sliced, you name it. Yes he got in lots of trouble, but in the 70's the law wasn't as rigid. I remember sitting in the car while getting tested for DWI and watching out the back window. He got over 20 DWI's with all of the kids in the car. It used to be crazy back then!! On top of that I have 7 brothers and no I wasn't the princess I was the caregiver. By 17 I was out on my own and raising 4 of them and did so for 8 years until they were functioning on their own. The only thing I have ever known is to compartmentalize, protect, and take care of everything and everyone. I pick these men to validate my worth. If I can fix just ONE of them then I will finally have value and all I went though as a child would have been worth it. Ha!! Sick right?

I am getting EMDR therapy and learning. Until this experience I had NO IDEA how sick I am. Its for sure a pattern and a very dangerous one. I hope and pray every minute of my life that I can overcome all of this and show my 2 girls how to be strong and brave. Not just on the outside, but on the inside too.

I know I shouldn't have looked. I honestly feel safer knowing he's in a relationship. I wanted to make sure all was going fantastic. My daughters comments alarmed me that much. I started looking over my shoulder again. When I saw that no things are already not fine I went into panic mode. I was wondering more about the panic and fear. How long does it last, etc. And yes I'm in therapy. I'm actually getting EMDR therapy for codependance and PTSD.