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Neediness
BtrflyGrl
Member since:
1 year 12 weeks
1 year 12 weeks
Last activity:
1 week 9 hours
1 week 9 hours
Neediness
Posted April 26, 2012 - 11:37pm
I was so attended to by Narcfuck that I have found that I am so needy. I am trying to live within myself but I get this weird panic. Like, even here, when I write something and I don't get a response imediatly (sp) I start to panic. Did I say something wrong? Am I stupid? Is what I'm saying not worth reading? Am I too wordy? It is a total sense of insecurity that really shouldn't even apply here, but I panic.
Ok - I swear that narc bastard is speeding by my house again. It is dark and I can't see for sure, but i know the sound of his car. He is a fucking pig and is just dying for me to text/call and ask him why he keeps doing it. - Not going to happen. I have a 9 ft swimming pool of issues right now and he is definately on dry land. OMG FUCK THAT GUY!!!!
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
If I were you, I would look
April 27, 2012 - 6:51am — SparrowIf I were you, I would look back at my past relationships and decide whether I was "needy" in them as well and than start to possibly see a pattern that you may need to break. If you find that you were not "needy" in these other relationships, than you will have to resolve yourself to the fact that he manipulated you into playing that role, feeling that way. It is what they do and most succeed. They need you to need them, it's called control.
As far as the forum goes, try not to panic if and when someone doesn't respond to a post. You seem to be lacking in self confidence, and that is another symptom of the relationship with th N. We are all here for the same reason, so please don't think that what you write, or the questions you are asking do not or may not warrant a response.
Try to get a handle on your panic attacks. First and fore most. And as far as him speeding past your house late at night, it could be him, it could not be him. It is irrelevant. Buy a pair of earplugs.
Get strong. Stay NC. You will be fine in time.
No I was not "needy" in prior
April 27, 2012 - 1:23pm — BtrflyGrlNo I was not "needy" in prior relationships. I was quite independent and had my own life outside of the relationship. I used to often reflect on that in conversation with ExN. I had never felt so desperate and needy before.
I am getting a little stronger every day. I can feel the world opening up a little and I'm really excited to get involved again. I have also noticed I tend to crack every 36-48 hours. I'm hoping that the time gap begins to widen. Thanks to you all for the support.
Also, you are correct - who cares if he is driving by. What kind of idiot does that anyway!
Honestly, I believe it has to
April 27, 2012 - 2:03pm — Deidre99Honestly, I believe it has to do with the strong way they come on during the idealization phase. In a 'normal' relationship...if you were not clingy before, the beginning stage of the relationship was exciting sure, but had a normal flow and build up. With a narc, they are like zero to 60 in a hurry. Going from you never knew them, to they want to marry you, in a month. lol It can be rather flattering, if we don't know what narcissism is.
Narcissism doesn't just show its head in the ending d&d stages. It very much shows its head in the first few weeks, but if you don't know what to look for (red flags) you will be 'swept off your feet,' as they say.
That to me is what probably happened here, like to many of us. They idealize...and literally bring about an insecurity in us, if they're no longer around. Then, once they have us, they begin to devalue, to test our insecurity. The more insecure we are, the better they feel. Very sick, but that's how they are.
So, you may have never been clingy until this asshole, because you were never idealized. Truth is, in normal relationships, normal healthy men don't idealize women. They want to get to know them. Their interests. They enjoy a woman's company, and don't look to get her hooked, like an addict to a drug.
Just my take. You are going to be just fine though. Stay NC...and don't budge! ((hugs))
Hi Bttrfly :) Try not to feel
April 27, 2012 - 1:14am — bgirlHi Bttrfly :)
Try not to feel silly...this is exactly what he hopes for. He hope you will keep coming back to him because he's the only one who can validate you.
They rotate between tormentor, liberator and victim.
He WANTS to be your liberator right now....but it won't be long before he becomes tormentor again and then you'll call him out AGAIN and sure enough he will be back to victim.
Sweetness you are a victim at the moment.....but if you take a stand, seek treatment and support and completely cut him out of your life, you WILL become a survivor.
You are NOT silly. Your voice is worth listening to. You are valuable.
Big hugs :)
X
B
Agree with bgirl. The whole
April 27, 2012 - 9:12am — Deidre99Agree with bgirl.
The whole point of the idealization phase btrflygirl is to get us dependent on them, so when they're gone...we are panicking. Insecure. We NEEEED them to validate us, for we are not finding it elsewhere.
As time ticks on, and you stay NC. You will develop your own sense of self worth, and won't need others to validate you. It's good to care what others think, but not healthy for us to look for others opinions to validate our worth.
You're doing the hard work every day. You're getting there.
:) And someday, you will look back and laugh at all this.