Register and join our discussion in the Message Board
User login
Recent Blogs
Who's online
There are currently 51 users and 442 guests online.
Why are some so EXTREEEEEMLY Perverted?
neverlookback
Member since:
2 years 38 weeks
2 years 38 weeks
Last activity:
18 weeks 4 days
18 weeks 4 days
Why are some so EXTREEEEEMLY Perverted?
Posted April 26, 2012 - 6:05pm
I have shared some notes with a few ladies that have had the extreme sexual perversion with their narcs; I am aware they all enjoy degrading their partners as much as they can - but still some are not so sexually perverted as others - Perhaps this is just a variance to the different types - your average narc will cheat and carry on many different relationships at the same time and even the women that have been the "other women" have reported there was no extreme perversion - I really know how to pick em, if it werent for bad luck I wouldnt have any luck at all lol - mine was so very twisted and perverted sexually - he would have screwed a ground hog if I brought one home; he reminded me of a porn director and we are talking triple X - into S&M, and god knows what else but thank GOD I didnt stick around to find out - any input from anyone who has done some research on this?
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
Mine was not sexually perverted!
April 28, 2012 - 1:03pm — Trainwreck56But i found out he was beating up crack HO'S!
So, I guess he was, just not to me! UGH
I guess i wasn't that type of woman, so I got stealth abuse instead!
UGHHHHHHHH.......
NCNCNCNC
count
April 28, 2012 - 2:06pm — neverlookbackyour blessings you were spared that because it WAS NOT PRETTY
Thank you Lily, for your concern.
April 27, 2012 - 2:46pm — mustmoveonYes, I did get myself tested for STD's 2 weeks after I broke off my relationship w/ him. Fortunately, all my tests came back negative (there were lots of things that I refused to do with him, which lessened my chances of exposure to any STDs). It was one of the most humiliating experiences I've ever had, b/c I have never been the type to sleep around so getting tested was never an issue until now.
I am so very tired of all the daily triggers that keep reminding me of him, of bringing back (now haunting and chilling) memories. It's made worse by the fact that I know and have to see 2-3 of the women that I know for a fact, he slept with towards the end of our relationship, and there is no way that I can get away from them apart from quitting my job, which I cannot do (reasons are lengthy). I know I've been criticized by others on this forum for putting down these women (they are 30-something years-old's trying to recapture their 20-something youth by excessive partying, drinking and sleeping around). I feel indignant, regardless of his disorder, in that he traded me in, and then traded down, for these vapid wastes of skin (big hair, tight clothes, make-up you need a paint scraper to get off, etc.).
I am angry b/c I feel helpless--I can't right this wrong and it's futile to make him pay. So I wait, work-out like a maniac, go to work, go to church and therapy, keep busy, biding my time until all these awful feelings pass and arrive at a place of acceptance and forgiveness. B/c I am an empath and care deeply for people, no matter how much reading I do, I cannot, and probably, will never, be able to comprehend how such people (or more appropriately, low-lives) can exist and how they can take pleasure from inflicting pain on the very people who love them the most. It really stings.
mustmoveon - empaths
April 27, 2012 - 3:03pm — lilygirlI too am an empath. If you haven't, go read my blog, "Insights into the narcissist." It confirmed what I was seeing. Deep down they are so messed up, depressed, desperate. Their lives are nothing more than a constant distraction to avoid the pain of being with themselves. I know I hate mine but I do pity him. How horrible to not be able to love.
They have to discard us at some point, we're starting to get close, intimacy is there biggest enemy.
As empaths I think we take on their pain. But it's not for us to hold, just let it pass thru.
He's made his choices, honor that. You can do so much better.
Much love,
Lily
Thank you again, Lily.
April 28, 2012 - 2:27pm — mustmoveonYour comment about how "Their lives are nothing more than a constant distraction to avoid the pain of being with themselves" is so very true.
Today I was tempted to go to a local cafe where I knew he would be, but wisdom said not to, so I didn't and am glad that I made the right choice. It is a sad, pathetic existence that he spends his life sitting there, day afer day for years, with his son (who is treated just an extension of himself--poor young man), looking for another woman to prey on. He is truly a lazy, lying, sack of alcoholic sh*t. The difference between him and excrement is that excrement actually is useful (for soil fertility when composted correctly).
Please stay strong
April 28, 2012 - 2:53pm — lilygirlI need you. Remember they are toxic, don't go near him.
Lily
This a very helpful comment.
April 28, 2012 - 1:24am — AvalonThis a very helpful comment. It brings balance to my frazzled brain..I too am an empath. Thank you Lily.
You were an empath with
April 27, 2012 - 10:14pm — bluegirlYou were an empath with someone with no capability for empathy? How horrible.
I can't help but think that
April 27, 2012 - 1:58pm — Deidre99I can't help but think that for some, their brain is like that of a rapist. They wish to conquer and control, and that is how they view sex. The more I told him I didn't want to do a particular 'act,' the more he wanted it. Like a rapist.
Sick, indeed.
Deidre
April 27, 2012 - 10:58pm — neverlookbackI think you hit the nail on the head with your comments; it makes sense when you stop and think of the fixated power stare they have - its a stare of control - I noticed mine would give me that look when we were intimate and when he got excited - there were never moments of him looking at me with a gentle manner or fondness that was soft and loving - it was always a crazed and mad look to his eyes. I can relate, the more I resisted the more it turned him on, on the other hand the more loving I was and submissive to him the more it turned him OFF - he wanted to always have the power of force on me - they want you to love them but when you do they are not receptive to it - they dont now how to respond to it so they put on some act with some fancy charming bull shit words but you tell its not genuine. Very sad, sick fucked up individuals
I agree!
April 27, 2012 - 7:21am — RustyGalWhy are they so messed up when it comes to sex??? My N was not a cheater but i did catch him looking at on line porn and he too loved to whip out his penis every chance he got, constantly wanted oral sex, would ask me how my boobies are but here is the sickest thing.....he loved to take pictures of his teenage daughters and their friends in bikinis. He always likes to play the world's greatest dad and would take his daughters and their friends on these elaborate vacations where he would take tons of pictures. Talk about sick!
neverlookback
April 27, 2012 - 5:05am — SnowflakeI think its about the control of degradation, how far can you push someone outside of their boundaries.
One persons degradation is another persons fantasy so its prob hard to generalise but yes I agree there does seem to be a lot of it.
And many girls get driven into doing acts/having acts done to 'please' their N/P and feel totally uncomfortable at the time yet scared that if you dont N/P will think you are crap in bed.
The first time I slept with N I was bruised and bitten, yet I still told him the closeness was special. I hoped to get a 'yes it was', the reply I got was ..Jesus it was like fucking a plank at times, you didnt move..
He was prob right but every time I moved I got bit/pushed so I was scared. But I didnt say anything because he always said he was a 'dirty fucker'..I felt I should have expected that treatment x
Snowflake...I had a similar experience as well
April 27, 2012 - 8:48am — naive46When I was caught up in "the fog" of his charm and manipulation, I did so want to please him.
The first (and only time) we were together he was mechanical and very rough "down there". I was sore the next day and told him so. (Wow..looking back I so played into his illness.) He said "You were warned." That still creeps me out. I, too, had told him he was so awesome. Yet, I was still thinking at the time how little experience I must have compared to him and what he was doing (as it was sexual behavior I'd never experienced with any other man).
Now I know better! I will forever be mystified by the fact that someone gets off on someone else's pain and humiliation. That is so foreign to me but to heal I've had to do a lot of acceptance to move on. It will never make sense to me. They are so mentally ill it is beyond my comprehension.
He was a big pervert
April 26, 2012 - 11:14pm — Dee30Ogling girls openly in front of me, lewd, degrading comments about female parts (0bjectifying a woman) , talked about threesomes constantly, got a power trip off ejaculating on my face, watched porno, stared lewdly at big breathed women, called me a 'bitch' constantly in and out of bed, Luke pulling out his pecker randomly, exhibitionist, it was never lovemaking it was 'f*******' and my parts were always 'p******' he was crude and perverted.
Yes this is what I always got
April 27, 2012 - 3:14am — AlissaYes this is what I always got (to hear ) too:
"Oh baby, I want to ejaculate on your face."
and:
"I masturbated last night in the bath tub and I pretended that you were laying on your back in the bath tub and I ejaculated all over your face and you loved it and said 'more, more! ' !" (this one I heard at least 1,000 times)
He also loved to pull out that pecker of his ALL the time. He would go to the bathroom and return with that thing hanging out!
And I never got to hear "how are YOU" but instead: "how are your boobies?" or "how is your p*ssy" or "how's your butt?"
Eyes open
April 27, 2012 - 5:01pm — archanaOMG I dont believe it that sex also plays apart in their life, I just thought my story was unique
we had an arranged marriage so sex was only after we had got married and even then we did not consummate the marriage for about two years as he had ED and it was easier for him to masturbate I being the dutiful wife supported him and never once thought about my needs
When it came to children he did his level best and we have two amazing kids but sex become non important to him and it become a thing of the past and he would only come to have oral sex and then masturbate and nothing more but yes he would send me sexy messages at work about all the things he would do!!!! Sick
Now because of all the D&D I have stopped loving him so do not engage with him at all and each time he wuld come to me my mind would ask me" How can this man say he loves me when he insults me so much"
Sorry long message but first time I have put the sexual control feelings out in the open. Thanks for reading
It helps to get it out in the open
April 27, 2012 - 5:27pm — lilygirlI read a good article in psychology today about guys engaging in internet porn. Even the ones in their 20's can't seem to get it up for their very attractive girlfriends. The masturbation plays a role also.
I think there are somatic and cerebral narcissists, the cerebral really don't like sex and the somatic use it to secure suppy.
Either one is incapable of intimacy.
I thought mine would be this fantastic lover as he sent the sexiest emails. In reality he was a bore and only interested in perverted sex.
They can't love, they might be able to say the words, that's it.
Blessings,
Lily
i can now understand
April 28, 2012 - 12:38am — flowerswhy my XNBF would never want to touch me, forget about love making or sex during our 3 year old relationship.
before we even started dating, one of his friends even said he was very horny and would be able to masturbate up to several times a day.
he had lots of sexual fantasies and was always talking about the perfect love, perfect couple, perfect romance. i guess it was easier for him to have sex with no strings attached or one night stands. but he would not have sex within a relationship, atleast in our relationship.
it became frustrating to me whenever we would meet, there would be nothing more than just talking.whenever i would be fed up of our intimacy-devoid relationship and wanted to step back, he would manipulate me back with his sweet and charming talks.. Good, am done with this man today.
now i only wonder how he was planning to have kids with me when he would not want to touch me.
They
April 28, 2012 - 1:16am — neverlookbackare great masturbaters and masturbaiters, lol I really think they come out of the womb masturbating I swear the doctor must have thought OMG what is this infant doing ha ha
Congratulations you have just given birth to a narc!!
I think having sex with the same person more than a few times constitutes more than just sex for them so we cant have that god forbid it might be romantic or even remotely NORMAL, so its best to just hop I mean hump from one to the other - that way they dont have to go to the trouble of acting like they care about one person, ha ha Oh I almost forgot about the perversion they throw in there, that made me feel so special and loved
humor
April 28, 2012 - 9:34am — lilygirlI vote you start the comedy blog on this site. You are quite gifted. Actually the Dr I dated would have looked at that infant & said "son."
I wish I could develop amnesia & forget all the sordid stories.
Lily
Sorry Alissa
April 27, 2012 - 2:35pm — lilygirlHow are YOU today?
Lily
our last dinner
April 26, 2012 - 11:23pm — lilygirlHe told me how beautiful the waitress was.
Several beers later (him. I had tea) he starts in on this fantasy couple we would have a foursome with. Not once that night did he compliment me.
Guess what, I don't ever have to watch him or hear his disgusting fantasies. I will never be with a man who checks out other women in front of me.
Creep be gone,
Lily
Lily
April 26, 2012 - 6:58pm — BritHow has this man kept his job?
Just think of his poor unsuspecting patients.
Brit x
I know
April 26, 2012 - 7:34pm — lilygirlHe was on call at the hospital 3-4 nights a week. He took sleeping pills just about every night.
One night he calls at 11:45 pm, ( I was asleep upstairs) and he leaves this message, "OK Babe, we're going to run some blood tests, test your thyroid, you're going to bed way too early." It's almost midnight, yeah I was sound asleep with no sleeping pills. So I called him in the morning cause I knew he was on call that night and I thought he might have been calling a patient. He had absolutely no recollection of making that call, scary.
He often drove drunk and stoned, so the same guy who runs you off the road will meet you at the hospital and be your doctor. Be careful driving in Montana.
I told the hospital administrator everything. He was already in trouble so hopefully he'll be flipping burgers for a living.
Lily
I dont
April 26, 2012 - 7:45pm — neverlookbackknow if a burger place would hire him, he might try something kinky with the food lol God Lilly this guy was a freak - they are everywhere, doctors, sheriffs, judges, priests, teachers, I am glad I have a woman doctor
job openings
April 26, 2012 - 8:06pm — lilygirlHe had a pound of pot in his freezer, perhaps he could make brownies & sell them. He might enjoy licking the bowl, if you know what I mean?
I have a woman doc also.
OMG
April 26, 2012 - 8:35pm — Tar Heel Bluedo they ALL stay stoned all the time??
Mine grew his own pot and stored it in the freezer, too!
I could blow his whole world apart if I wanted to. So could you! They're not worth it.
AND mine was also perverted. I could tell some stories...but that's for another time.
You're not alone, lilygirl.
Ditto
April 27, 2012 - 1:46pm — NdanceI was thinking the same exact thing; mine was CONSTANTLY high on something, whether it be pot, tobacco, or cocaine; he would get up at six AM and had this "hit" routine. And I totally agree, we could reveal their ugliness to the world but that means expending further effort on them and it's simply not worth it. They're a complete waste of space on this earth, they should do the human race a favor and disappear.
hits
April 27, 2012 - 2:33pm — lilygirlMine had his computer in the bedroom and as soon as he got up he put on porn. That way he could go to work high (sex addicts get a dopamine rush from porn) and nothing to detect.
Wish I'd have had more education on them before becoming a target!
Lily
exposing them
April 26, 2012 - 8:47pm — lilygirlI did expose him, damn proud of it. We trust doctors. He abuses his position.
His opening line on swinger sites is "I'm small town doctor, so discretion is a must."
I asked him to use condoms & his reply was, "trust me I'm a doctor. He's never been tested. And he's always sick.
He could not remember anything. He got so stoned he could'nt walk or talk. They can't stand themselves any more than we can, so they medicate.
Maybe we could start a business, narc busters. Ha ha
Lily
I had his email password
April 26, 2012 - 6:40pm — lilygirland found this one day. One of his cybersluts. He was at work at the time.
Him to cyberslut:
You're such a sweetheart; you really are. Actually, your lovely vulnerability was obvious in that first picture you sent me. I love Lily and I find her continually interesting. I just have to take it week to week and month to month right now. After I have fucked you for a nice long time and you're very relaxed I'll lick your pussy until you come, while we listen to XXX and lily.
You tug my heart too.
See, he loved me. Ha ha
I sent this email to the hospital administrator.
YUK
April 26, 2012 - 6:36pm — BritThank God you girls are out of it. STAY AS FAR AWAY as possible from these sickos FOREVER.
Brit x
Interesting
April 26, 2012 - 6:22pm — lilygirlYes, I actually called mine perverto, ok, he didn't like it. I think he may have been gay or at least bi. He told me once he wanted to... maybe pm me for this.
And he loved porn, esp amateur where some guy filmed his wife with some other guy. He was always telling me he wanted me to s & f some other guy. It was sicko. He was obsessed with other guys come.
I don't know, a way to degrade woman? I told him I would kill myself if I ever did a three or foursome and his reply was, "We'll start slow with just two guys." Huh? What compared to the entire football team?
They don't know what love is and they have low impulse control, so anything goes.
Just another fix, more is never enough.
There is a good website, thesexaddictedbrain.com goes into it in depth, it's really about N's. I've read several books, porn@work is pretty good.
This jerk was a doctor and watched porn at work and had cybersex while on the job.
Lily
Thank you for your comments; it makes me feel less alone.
April 27, 2012 - 1:21am — mustmoveonYour situation sounds similar to mine. My N got increasingly interested in risque sex during the 5 years I was with him (I broke up with him when I found out that he had cheated on me with over 20+ women close or more than half his age, all around the world. Horrifying doesn't describe it; I am still in shock, close to 5 months later).
Towards the end of our relationship, I learned that he was looking at naked pics of his co-worker's wife (the co-worker is a perv too) having sex with her female friends and random strangers they would pick up from the street; told me how on a "business" trip to Africa, he saw some British women in the tent next to his, having rough sex with some African men on safari; feeling up and exposing/undressing (slutty) women at bars and clubs while in Asia and even here at home, and the list goes on. Like you, I got a hold of my N's email accounts where I found out that he was sending all sorts of sexually suggestive messages to women he'd pick up from bars, hot tubs, gyms, and dance clubs. Mind you, he's 63 soon to be 64, picking up on women his children's age (25-40 yrs old), and it sounds like he is still succeeding (my community here is pretty small).
Even though I am doing all the right things like reading, going to therapy, etc., I am still so very heartbroken and enraged so it's comforting to hear that I am not so alone in this twisted experience.
so sorry
April 27, 2012 - 10:14am — lilygirlMustmoveon: we have to get it thru our heads that they are sick & demented. I'd never met anyone like him & it took getting on this site & the overwhelming comments when I posted my story to see him for what he is. Why would I put myself thru the daily agony of knowing he is cheating & that he would not pass up any opportunity for sex.
I think he's gay, hates women, tries to experience being w a man by getting his gf to have sex with another guy while he 'holds" her. Sounds like gang rape to me.
His bs, all my other gf said it made them feel incredibly sexy. It will deepen my love for you. There's the misuse of that L word.
He's aging rapidly & looks & feels like crap. Karma
Don't take it personnaly, you were never there, just an object.
Have you gotten tested for std's?
Much love to you this morning.
Lily
THanks for that link
April 26, 2012 - 7:02pm — neverlookbackI PM you
PM
April 26, 2012 - 7:37pm — lilygirlthanks, I laughed really hard. I can't believe what we were exposed to.
I tested for hiv and was negative but told to do it after the 6 months.
I sent you back a PM.
Lily