SkinnyBuffalo's Story

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#1 Apr 25 - 9AM
SkinnyBuffalo
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SkinnyBuffalo's Story

My Story - Kim aka SkinnyBuffalo

I should preface this by saying both of my grandfathers were abusive, controlling tyrants that dictated my beloved grandmothers lives completely. My mother is a full-fledged NPD, and I was born, unwanted, when my parents were seniors in high school as a ploy to keep my father in her life after graduation. They did the Narc dance til I turned 18, along with my brothers who were 13 and 3 at the time, which I mostly raised. My mother often would remind me how I ruined her life, and somehow from birth I knew I had to redeem myself by being the best at everything - straight A's, most beautiful, cheerleader, perfect body, accomplishments above and beyond - or I didn't exist at all if I wasn't providing this reflection or doing her job - laundry, housekeeping, cooking all the meals, and watching my brothers while she played tennis everyday.

Fast forward to 1991. I married an alcoholic, porn-addict, psychopath for 20 yrs and we have a son together, along with my daughter from a previous marriage and his from a previous marriage. He was older, accomplished, seemed stable and independent. I was his trophy wife and he made it very clear he didn't need or want anything from me. I spent the last 10 yrs of the marriage without sex, affection, and endured all kinds of financial abuse and control, him being in and out of jobs due to his personality and addiction, all the while maintaining his pristeen image with the Boy Scouts and church Board (MY church btw, he was atheist when I met him).

I had a couple of affairs the last 2 yrs of my marriage-he never knew. Not proud of that, but it was what it was - one with a younger guy I worked for who was separated from his wife at the time, and later with a spiritual guru who introduced me to the Polyamorus lifestyle as being the highest and most spiritual form of love. What God intended - basically it's holy promiscuity. I was only with him a few times and I got out when his control and treatment of females he "loved" became distasteful. I left some friends behind in this cult-like environment.

When I left my ex-hub-N I spent 6 months gathering data, sorting through my personal items trash from treasure, copied all the tax returns, every single financial statement I could find. I installed spyware on his computer and recorded every porn site he visited, including the teen ones which were the bulk of it. Then, I confronted him with the data and left. It was awesome lol.

2 months on my own, and I am freaking out. How will I manage? What will I do for work? I had always worked to have my own spending money bc my ex-hub-N would not pay for a thing for me other than food, gas, and shelter, even though he made 4x what I did. I had jacked up my credit card paying for the kids extracurricular activities that he saw no value in. I left 30k in debt, a daughter in college, and a son in high school, and fought for what was legally my portion of the assets - in his mind, it was 0, and he did everything possible to hide, move, and spend before I could get it. A friend was going out and suggested I needed to get out - she saw me not doing well, and so I went, to the bar. Not a big drinker, but I had a couple and this man, a black man (never had dated outside my white race before)was the most beautiful, alluring man ever. I figured he was 25 (I'm 48), but he worked out and so did I so I struck up a convo. He was 32. He was absolutely delightful, a gentleman, walked me to car and kissed me. It was the beginning of fairy tale hell.

The next day, when I came to my senses, I realized I did not even know his last name and he was wanting to spend a quiet evening at home, COOKING FOR ME (OMG!). So when he told me his name I just ran a quick background check and found out he had a record - theft under $50, and domestic assault. I called him and explained I had reservations about him and he raged - called me judgmental and said he could explain it all, he didn't realize I "was like that" and maybe I was racist??? Hell no. We met, and he had some great story about he was the victim, he childhood was horrendous, so we had sex and it was magnificient and I was hooked. I could turn his life around...TA DA! I dawned my cape and crown.

What I later found out over the next 6 months - he lived on a friend's couch (as a punishment to his baby's mom he had been with since high school bc she's the one that called the police when he was defending himself against her attack), as a result of his arrest he had no job the prior 3 years, and really nothing before that, he lived off financial aid and had been in school for 14 years, he was a gifted athlete who should have been in both the NFL and the NBA and grieved everyday over this missed opportunity, he owned a Benz another woman bought him, had women all over the country through MySpace, Craigslist, and a host of dating sites, his most recent child was born a month prior to us meeting, and another child with some crazy woman he dated for 3 months was born about a month later. Of course these were stop signs I ran one at a time because I was NOTHING like anyone he had ever met and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, his choice after literally 100's of women...I was the SPECIAL ONE. And hey, he didn't drink, do drugs, wasn't into porn, was so sweet and affectionate - I could overlook all the stuff bc it wasn't like my marriage problems.

It started and ended with THE CAR. Early on he asked me to help him find a car - one that I would like because he was ready to sell his Benz. After 10 months of goading me it went from helping him choose a car to me buying a car - something he still resents me for because I MADE him sell his Benz to do it. I was told once he had this bigger car he could actually pick up his 3 kids for visitation instead of spending time at his ex's to see his kids, all the while creating the triangulation - letting me know he cooks for them, cleans her house, buys her gas (with my money), because she loves him and he feels guilty that she would never have his glorious self like I did. The "straw" was when I went to pay his toll tags that he ran, I noticed he went to ex's 4am on Christmas morning....yeah, the kids weren't up then. He tried a couple of different lies but when that didn't work he D & D'd me...I'm just a dumbass bitch trying to control his life like all the rest of them.

In addition to the car I bought him, I gave this man 10's of 1,000's of dollars, paid his rent for a year, fully furnished his apartment, BOUGHT HIS EX AND HIS KIDS TICKETS TO THE CIRCUS FOR HER BDAY, lavished his kids (who he would never allow me to meet) with Xmas presents, bought health insurance for him and paid his medical bills for knee surgery and eye surgery, bought him the dog he always wanted, a smartphone, PS3, a gym membership....you name it, if he wanted it, I made it happen. Made sure his favorite foods and beverages were always on hand, and allowed him to come and go as he pleased to accommodate his kids schedule. I did his homework, term papers, a couple of online classes - and I raised his GPA from a 1.9 to 3.0. I started a business for him, incorporated him, and did his taxes. Dude, all this guy had to do was eat, breathe and sleep. I am not kidding! And that's pretty much all he did in the end - except for sex me and juice me for money.

In return, I got (great sex!), my possessions gone through, accusations that I was hiding money so I wouldn't have to help him, my kids criticized behind their backs, unfounded accusations that I was a cheating whore and he needed to see my phone records, that I was abusing him by leaving the relationship so many times, and that I was a weird, insecure, untrusting, unlovable, unworthy, ungrateful woman and no man would ever want me, especially a black man, would put up with me, and he could see why my ex-hub rejected me all those years. This was just a baseline of cruel things he said to me - some were so traumatizing I think I must have forgotten. Once he woke up from a dream that I was cheating, behaved as if it actually happened, packed his shit and left. If only I hadn't allowed him back in dozens of times after that.

Thank God I have found this site. It will forever change my life. I cannot find my way out on my own.

Apr 25 - 11AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Time for a change.. Charity