It's been a very rough few days. There's a lot going on right now, my non-N husband and I filed our divorce papers a couple of days ago and he's moving out tomorrow, moving to a new job far away on the other side of the country. We end on good terms and will stay in touch and I told him he is always welcome to come back here and visit, and visit our pets.
The emotionality of this time is making me susceptible to thoughts of my narc, from whom I have gone NC since late January. Although ours was a LDR he was always "there" for me, on the phone, via email, to support me through the challenging times (even though I tried to avoid crying on his shoulder much). I have been missing him and idealizing him in spite of his unconscionable behavior toward me. It's been a struggle to remind myself of his nastiness because I'm feeling so alone right now with husband leaving, and no one to hold me and comfort me.
Anyway tonight out of the blue, a little voice came into my head and said Ophelia (not my real name) you are never going to be able to heal and move on until you forgive that bastard. If you don't forgive him, you are holding a connection with him that will sap your life and your energy. You must be able to forgive him to move on and focus exclusively on you and your healing.
Holy crap, where did that come. Has anyone else come to such a realization, and did it help?
I've never understood the concept of forgiveness, frankly, but all of a sudden I have a feeling it might be necessary, for this worst of emotional rapes, and it bowls me over. Not to say that what he did was right or responsible or adult or ethical. That's different.
Now...if he approached me and asked me to forgive him I might send him away without answering, but I could conceivably just forgive him in my mind. It may just be an additional way of dissolving the psychic cord.
Would be interested in hearing anyone else's experience with forgiveness. I know it's difficult for some and completely understand that.