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I once again didn't listen to my gut and I thought that sex with a "friend" would help ease the fucked up feelings. Well I'm going for a panel Friday. I am fried in the brain right now.
Thanks all. If I can forgive everybody else who does wrong I suppose I can forgive myself too. The burden is mine, and it is quite a burdon. I'm getting really drained, hopefully I can revive a little bit this weekend with some me time.
We have all fucked up. We are human after all. Clearly you realized it as you posted such. Take the wisdom of the others and move forward.
Stay true to you!
aw...i'm sorry! this sucks, for sure. :(
we're here for you.
there's an old saying...you can never run away from yourself, for wherever you go, there you are.
in other words...if we try to escape the pain of all this, we will eventually have to face it.
hang in there. today is a new day. :)
Easing your pain with sex, drugs, alchohol, food, etc. is always a big mistake.
Missing the feeling of being wanted, desired, loved is very common. When you lay down with someone that you nor he is not emotionally connected, while attempting to heal, only brings more emptiness and pain. We try to emphasize that often here on the forum, but the warnings seem to not quite hit home.
I am sorry that you are feeling this angst this morning but now all you can do is live and learn, never to do it again.
Good luck and stay strong.
So you did something to try and help ease your pain, was it a good idea... Eh, who am I to tell you what is right or wrong for you. Only you can figure that out. You took a risk and it didn't end up the way you wanted - don't beat yourself up over it, live and learn!
At some point we've all been fried in the brain, there are lots of pent up emotions - sadness, anger, fear... And having all of that battling with the positive emotions we have (but might not be so obvious at this point) really does take a physical and mental toll on our bodies. Spoiler alert: positive emotions win in the end!
The important thing is to keep pushing forward, don't hold yourself back or let bumps in the road become mountains, the path to feeling like yourself again isn't straight and paved with gold... The harder you work the better the reward.
We ALL have done things to try and ease the pain, that we may not have been happy about the next day. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes and who knows what a mistake is, if it takes you to where you need to be.
I am not your judge, that is for sure. Life is a process. Recovery is a process. Don't beat yourself over this. It is what it is. You looking for a bandage which actually keeps the wound and pain alive.
Don't beat yourself, keep working the steps and you will get there. Let it go and look towards the big prize, YOU. You will be alright and you will get through this.
I'm afraid the burden of healing is yours and yours alone.
Sit back for now and process all your feelings.
You don't need anymore drama.
Take care of yourself and things will get brighter!
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We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.