From my perspective I would like to explore further into the work that is involved with NC. This is no longer about him anymore. This is the first time you have taken a step in the entire toxic relationship to stand up for what YOU want. You already gave him what he wanted and look how far it got you? He never gave a rats ass about you when you were with him (but he pretended he did), so its high time you take the initiative to care about yourself, because he sure as hell wont. This may be a new concept for some of you (as it was for me) to actually ask yourself what did this illusion with this person give me that I needed so badly that I let it almost destroy me? I know he never loved me, for this is not love, I am only pretending it is.
STOP obsessing that you were not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, funny enough tall enough, short enough, sexy enough, and who he is with! Dispense with all that nonsense because comparing yourself to another woman and who he is with is not what NC is about. This is about how this disordered person abused YOU, betrayed YOU, lied to YOU and basically emotionally raped your life - how did this happen, and why and how did it get to this place?
I see so many triangulation games during nc to try and break us down, using one to pit against the other, stirring jealousy, wanting this one back, that one back, claiming you were the one and he is so sorry for this and that - its all bullcrap, horsecrap, catcrap, chickencrap and most importantly, its all reptilian crap NONE OF IT IS TRUE - Know the disorder, study it; pathology means the inability to change - dont fall for any of it, stay grounded, stay in reality, stay with the truth and stay in total silence. If you want to punish yourself furher, than by all means sneak and peak at FB, have at it, check out who he is with and see if she is as pretty as you are, go ahead and compare yourself to another object because that is all you are doing - the toaster oven may have bigger handles but its still just a toaster oven. None of that matters or will change him, or the outcome of anything or what he did to you. Dont listen to messages. If you miss someone lying to you then give me your number and I will call you up and tell you some whoppers. I will tell you how much I love you - which has more truth in it that his false confessions because I CAN love.
Last but not least, always remember the vulnerabilities that he targeted and exploited you for, and always be aware of them. Those were the very tools he used to lure you; your own weaknesses, shortcomings, vulnerabilities, desires, needs. He knew them WELL and he will use all your beautiful humanity against you. KNOW THYSELF -
This was some of the work that I did and it must have worked to some extent because I got to the other side. My work is not over, I still have much work ahead in recovering from the the damage, but that is slowly starting to heal.
So......................? get to work and get this psychopath out of your life!!!!