I got locked out of my house a few days ago, thankfully it was a warm day.While debating how to break in, I washed the screens, raked, picked up winter debris and wandered over to what was once my perennial garden. I am a city girl,and the suburbs and rural life, at times still feel foreign. Bats, garter snakes, coyotes and deer weren't part of my vocabulary until I met my husband. Neither was a flower garden. I could hail a cab, but plant and grow a garden, no way.
My neighbor across the street had one of the most beautiful gardens I have ever seen. Cars would pull over just to take a look. To me, it was a small town Botanical Gardens. Each morning, with coffee in hand, my kids and I would wonder over to her colorful living palette. The kids would delight in picking and eating copious amounts of raspberries as I followed and listened to her educate me on each variety of flower and their individual needs. She said the hardest part was just the pesky weeds...
She encouraged me to start my own. Her passion became mine and I was excited by the challenge. I spent the whole summer turning the earth, fertilizing the soil and began my garden, naming it after my daughter.
It was far from perfect and I had a lot to learn. I waited every spring for the the first growth to appear. My neighbor was right, the most difficult part was those damn weeds. If I missed a few days or worse a week, the weeds took over. They were so demanding.
When the psychopath entered my life, anyone or anything important to me was ignored. He stole my heart and soul and I belonged solely to him. He became my garden and my only garden. The garden I named after my daughter became deeply covered in weeds, I didn't even look.
As some of you know, I have been NC for a bit over a year now. My struggles now are not missing or wanting him. He is a charismatic psychopath and his mission was one, and only one, to destroy me. I am in the part of my recovery of learning about myself, why this happened, who I am, and where I came from, so I can once again become a flower in my family's garden.
This process has been excruciatingly painful and at times, I've wanted to quit. I need to learn how to take care of myself. I need to heal. I learned through therapy, good friends and this forum, that my life has many weeds, some deeply implanted that are preventing me from that garden in my life.
As my plants emerged in the spring, I was often confused as to which was a weed and which was my flower. My wise neighbor, said, you will figure it out, the weeds are draining.
Healthy relationships are of give and take, of love and acceptance, of embracing each other with mutual respect. Sure, at times, one may demand
more than another, but when they become noxious weeds, it's time to let go. They will become invasive and prevent your growth.
So along my journey, I am now removing them now, some even being family but by doing so, I know I can be a flower in my family's garden again.