Thank u...you know who u are.

bgirl

Member since:
1 year 23 weeks

Last activity:
11 weeks 1 day

Posted April 24, 2012 - 9:49pm

Just really wanted to say thank you to certain members on here who have been so supportive of me over the past 6 months.

My first posts were utter despair dotted with incomprehension. I was a complete shell. A zombie with no direction.

My recovery has been one step forward three steps back...mostly due to my lack of confidence in myself. My life has been filled with constant abuse and criticism and my way to escape was to behave better, protest less, try harder, apologize more.

Now for the first time in my life, (thanks in most part to some particular members here xx) I am starting to speak. Starting to speak my truth and then hopefully live it.

I also realize that whilst many may not agree with my ramblings, I never speak, either on here or in my every day life just to hear my voice and I do not come from an inflated or superior viewpoint, only from a caring, grounded and hopefully supportive angle.

I have also learned that not everyone will like me, maybe because they just don't or maybe because I may trigger feelings within an individual that they may not want to or are not ready to face...I know that this has happened to me on numerous occasions....it can be uncomfortable.

To truly look introspectively takes enormous courage...we don't often like what we see...but i sincerely thank those of you here who have helped me face my demons and most importantly are continuing to help me exorcise the N from my soul.

He is still there but I have hope that one day I'll be free again.

Best wishes and heartfelt appreciation,
X
B

This is such a beautiful and

April 25, 2012 - 3:21pm — Deidre99

This is such a beautiful and gracious post, and your posts always leave me taking away something quite valuable. A slant, I might not have considered. I have enjoyed getting to know so many here, where we are all different, and yet, the common bond is what we have suffered. It's nice to be able to share this 'trauma' with others here. Because there's no one else in my life that really understood what I went through.

Thanks to you, too, bgirl! ((hugs))

Thank u Deidre...I think we

April 25, 2012 - 3:46pm — bgirl

Thank u Deidre...I think we all learn from each other's 'slants.' I like the image that conjures up...I'm definitely on a bit of a lean at the moment :-)
X
B

Thank u...and big hugs back

April 25, 2012 - 3:08pm — bgirl

Thank u...and big hugs back to each of you x

The road is very bumpy but I am a country chick so don't mind them dusty, narrow and unpredictable...at least there's a destination to be reached, unlike the ride with the N, straight into the depths of never-ending chaos..aka hell!

X
B

And I am a city girl and

April 25, 2012 - 3:09pm — Janie53

And I am a city girl and should be used to rats!
Love to you bgirl!

Lol Janie you never get used

April 25, 2012 - 3:19pm — bgirl

Lol Janie you never get used to rats!!!!!

There's a few in the country too ;-)

And wolves in Sheeps' clothing ;-)

X
B

Bgirl

April 25, 2012 - 3:53pm — Janie53

My charasmatic psychopath is the last rat I ever will see!

xxxooo
Stay true love!

Sweetie, you don't realize

April 25, 2012 - 11:04am — Tar Heel Blue

how much you've inspired me, touched me, and contributed the the strength that it takes me to stay one more day, then one more day, then one MORE day, NC. You have a tremendous capacity for love, empathy and caring, and that's why you were targeted. I'm so sorry you've endured so much, but so grateful that you've shared so much that has helped so many become even more resolved to stay the course.

We should all be thanking you.

God bless you as you continue to heal.

THB

A woman who shows true

April 25, 2012 - 10:00am — Hunter

A woman who shows true strength ..

You my friend are always moving forward.. Whether you believe it or not..

Be Strong
Hunter

agree

April 25, 2012 - 9:31am — luvapug

bgirl wrote:"I have also learned that not everyone will like me, maybe because they just don't or maybe because I may trigger feelings within an individual that they may not want to or are not ready to face...I know that this has happened to me on numerous occasions....it can be uncomfortable."

Bgirl, I have only been on here a few days and I already feel attacked, and at times uncomfortable...I do see some very supportive people on here and that was mainly why I come on here. I hope we can all be open and honest without being judged or getting slammed with negativity..I had enough of that Sh*t with my ex, I certainly don't need it from a support system!

-luvapug

Hi luvapug

April 25, 2012 - 12:13pm — goldie

Welcome to the group. Just to let you I know, I am the lead moderator here and work directly with Lisa. We do have a format here which works well.

If you feel attacted and slammed with negativity, the proper procedure would be to PM me about it and we can address your concerns off the board.

This is an open forum on the Internet and you are going to receive feedback which may not be to your liking. This is life, we are not all going to agree with or see the solutions in the same way.

I am troubled that as a new member you feel the need to speak this way on the forum without making any attempts to PM me directly.

This site is about recovery and if you are already this unhappy this soon, with the responses you have received and not willing or able to see that opinions may differ, then we need to address your concerns NOW.

I do not allow any member to create dissension on the public forum and this formula has worked well for the board for almost 4 years. Please handle you concerns privately through the PM system.

Thank you for your understand, as you can imagine I have to do what is right for the recovery group as a whole.

God bless,
Goldie

bgirl, you are brave and

April 25, 2012 - 9:21am — spinning

admirable. And honest. And a great writer, I might add. You convey your thoughts and emotions so well.

I am so glad that you are here and that you stayed here. You have made amazing progress and you are in inspiration.

Keep striving and sharing. It helps many people, myself included.

Love,
(not) spinning. AND IT FEELS GREAT

Bgirl

April 25, 2012 - 6:59am — Janie53

I wrote a note to you & Belle on her post in the 4-6 forum called I'm not me....
Stay true lovey,

xxxooo

I like you. I can't imagine

April 25, 2012 - 6:44am — Sparrow

I like you. I can't imagine anyone not. :)

You have come far in your journey, although you still have a ways to go, I am proud of how far you have come.

Keep up the great work!

Sparrow you have helped me so

April 25, 2012 - 6:47am — bgirl

Sparrow you have helped me so much xx
X
B

And you have helped me too.

April 25, 2012 - 7:03am — Sparrow

And you have helped me too. It goes both ways my friend!

xoxoxo

A lovely post

April 25, 2012 - 3:59am — Snowflake

I agree with you totally..I have had to rethink a whole lot of things about myself, I have been triggered on here a lot and have been amazed at how I have reacted but then I think its all part of relearning who we are.

Sometimes I wish everyone would just get better so it will help me..does that make sense? When someone is struggling who is further on it feels like there is no hope sometimes..

I think introspect is one of the hardest lessons for me x

;-) xx X B

April 25, 2012 - 4:20am — bgirl

;-)
xx

X
B

Hey bgirl, you will be free

April 25, 2012 - 1:01am — Journey

Hey bgirl, you will be free again, believe it. xoxo

I'm trying Journey... ;-)

April 25, 2012 - 1:05am — bgirl

I'm trying Journey... ;-) thank u xx

X
B

Love you Bgirl

April 25, 2012 - 12:57am — goldie

Well you know you have always been one of my favorites, I hope I tell you often enough. I LOVE your honest, reflective insightful posts. You are real; not the slightest bit fake and I love you for that. Seen enough fake people in this lifetime to exceed my quota.

I have had more than my fill of people who want to criticize others. My experience has been that such people have no clue. Until you have walked in my shoes.... Most people would not have wanted to walk in my shoe's, yet those are the shoe's which have made me who and what I am; so I have no regrets. I like myself better now than i have since I was a carefree happy little girl who did not know she had been born into "The Munsters" and I felt like Marilyn thinking, "who are these people? My family. I was happy and they were miserable; I believe this is when I took on the "guilt" that somehow it was my job and responsibility to keep these people happy. Damn I spent half a lifetime trying to keep miserable people happy.

ALL SET; ALL DONE. NOT MY JOB ANYMORE. Not yours anymore either Bgirl. You can let go of them and set them free. Fly away.....and please do NOT come back another day.

God bless,
Goldie

Thank u Goldie...not sure how

April 25, 2012 - 1:03am — bgirl

Thank u Goldie...not sure how many times you've picked me up off the floor, dusted me off and placed me back on the right shelf..I lack a lot of self belief and your words always come at exactly the time I need them most. I will be eternally grateful...xxx

X
B

You're the best bgirl

April 24, 2012 - 11:01pm — Dee30

You truly are a great person. In my struggles and everything you reached out to me to help me . That always touched me how you cared for a stranger like me. I struggle constantly with my feelings but I know I'm not alone. I love how you are non judgemental and that helps me feel better as I struggle with a lot of shame already and harsh words tend to hurt me. I'm No softie, but I do have feelings. Thank you for supporting me. I really waver a lot on this journey but you and some other members helped me alot at least understand me. Dealing with a crazy guy is really really a huge mind screw. So here's a thanks to you for your love :)

Thanks Dee...I feel things

April 24, 2012 - 11:09pm — bgirl

Thanks Dee...I feel things very deeply and today is a backward step day for me...
I hope your day is a forward step.

You are truly beautiful Dee....inside and out.

X
B

You go girl! Stay true, it

April 24, 2012 - 9:59pm — Janie53

You go girl!
Stay true, it will get you far.

xoxox

Thank u.. I have a l-o-n-g

April 24, 2012 - 10:46pm — bgirl

Thank u..

I have a l-o-n-g way to go...

X
B

((((((((((((((((((((( bgirl

April 25, 2012 - 3:43am — Alissa

((((((((((((((((((((( bgirl )))))))))))))))))))))
you're such a sweetheart

and Alissa you are 'da bomb'

April 25, 2012 - 3:51am — bgirl

and Alissa you are 'da bomb' :-)

X
B

:) xxxxxxxxxxxx

April 25, 2012 - 7:03am — Alissa

:) xxxxxxxxxxxx

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