It’s been 14 months since we broke up. The last 4 months I’ve maintained NC. I’m much better now, I don’t miss him, not even the good times we had together. If someone told me he was dead, I wouldn’t mind at all. But…how is it I feel so different now, like I am a different person. I don’ t go out so often as I used to, I don’t even want to date anyone. I really don’t. I don’t have the desire to be in a romantic relationship with anyone, I don’t miss sex…is this normal?
Another thing is I avoid getting in touch with my old friends because one of them, a girl I knew for 12 years revealed to the N something I told her about him, giving him the chance to devalue and discard me. She said she had the right to do it because he was her friend too. I don’t want to be near her, it will bring back all the painful memories. I can’t forgive the betrayal from her. Some friends complain they don’t see me so often. How can I explain to them that the reason for this is her? She is always there in every meeting they arrange.
My family is worried about me. My father doesn’t think I’m able to have a good relationship with a man or get married. I can see he is disappointed in me.
And sometimes I feel so weak, so emotionally unbalanced. I’m afraid that people see me and understand this, they see someone who’s weird, a freak. At the same time I have a desperate need to be loved. But how can anyone love me if I don’t love myself? I think those kind of issues drove me to the N in the first place…Can a relationship with a N cause so much damage? Is this really because of him or am I becoming like him? I fear rejection…I feel like I’m a bad person, unable to do what normal people do.
I need to hear your thoughts…