Texting about the dog

Texting about the dog
Posted April 23, 2012 - 4:18pm
0

We have a dog together, a pug "Mojo"...When we got him, it was a family pet, but because my ex wanted a Pug, we got that breed. He loved his dog...he really wants him back!!! However, the dog was the family dog...me, him, my son, the other dog. The other dog loves Mojo and they are best friends so I have not agreed to allow him to keep the dog. Some friends agree, some disagree...but the truth is, the dog is "our" pet...and he is the only one that left from the "family" unit...he doesn't ask how I am, or my son..but I have had at least 3 texts asking about the dog?!?!? Plus, he visits the dog on Mondays (his day off) about every other week. Well I have not spoken or answered his texts since April 8th...but he asked if he could see the dog again today....I didn't reply. When should I reply to any contact??? He also has one of my cars, but I think he can figure out how to park it in the driveway and walk away once he gives it back (he is waiting on his car to get fixed) so I have not answered any contact on that either!!! I don't think he is trying to talk to me at all...just to see the dog, since he doesn't indicate that there is anything else he wants...
So should I respond??? or No?!?!?

-luvapug

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kimberly4398's picture

When I left my Narc Boy for

April 25, 2012 - 2:36am — kimberly4398

When I left my Narc Boy for the 3rd time we had gotten a cat together. He whined and pissed and moaned about that cat for months... Not to me directly but to everyone else we knew, I took his cat blah blah blah blah. Then one day after I found out that I had cancer and text him to let him know and stupidly asked for his support, he proceeded to tell him everything I had done wrong in our relationship. One of which was taking his beloved cat, his words "you took my cat knowing how much we loved each other, you never even considered the cats feelings" blah blah blah like a 2 year old. After my double mastectomy back in December he came texting around Christmas, I am so glad you are ok blah blah blah. Well like a fool I went back, then it was when are you bringing the cat back, I took the cat for a weekend visit, she had not been around him in several months and he didn't like the fact she hung with me most of the time and every time she saw him ran under the bed, I guess after being away from him for a few months she could even sense that he was truly Satan... Needless to say I brought the cat back home with me after that weekend. After that he said well you took her again told me I was jealous of the cat, needless to say I let him talk my dumbass into moving back in without the cat of course. I moved out will be 4 weeks ago this coming Friday.. I still have the cat, she is happy and well me I am getting happier every day.. Mind you all the time he was pissing and moaning about the cat to our friends, they were like just shut up and get another cat. He told them wouldn't be the same. On my last trip into hell he said I did get another cat, named it the same name, Hannah, well dumbass found out it was a male cat after that, he said I finally put him outside, he wouldn't let me get near him. Animals can sense evil, guess that cat figured out he was Satan too... I just found it funny the strange obsession he always had with the cat we got together. Told me I didn't consider his or the cat's feelings when I took her, that I did it just to hurt him. My response was you never considered mine either. So I guess when I took his cat I added a little Narc Injury in there. Felt good.

luvapug's picture

thankss

April 25, 2012 - 9:22am — luvapug

Thank you kimberly4398, I was hoping someone would understand my dilemma. I know the dog was his "best friend" and he has a great attachment to the dog...however, I do too, and he may have trained it a lot, but I trained it a lot too!!! I know he has a little narc injury going on as well...but his selfish tendencies are extended to the dog, because he would not have a good life getting no attention and not being around his "mate". As far as the dog's feelings go, he is happy and does not seem phased by ex leaving. I should note...my son, is NOT his son...my son is from my first marriage (the bipolar, alcoholic). So he was my son's stepdad. So the ONLY reason he would come to the house is to see the dog. If he took the dog, my son would never see him again...I think that would be more hard for a boy to lose his dog, then a man to lose his dog...
-luvapug

kimberly4398's picture

I totally agree ignore him

April 25, 2012 - 10:41am — kimberly4398

I totally agree ignore him about the dog. I assure you if its not the dog it will be something else. I am 12 days no contact as of today and.it feels pretty good. Oh I failed to mention when we got the cat together she was pregnant and we didn't know it after she had the babies and we gave them away she came back in heat and was.noisey one morning he took her downstairs opened.the basement door and let her out. This to a cat he.loved so much. Called her a whore. I went downstairs sat and cried till she came back. We.had her spayed after this. But he did that to an animal he claimed to love so much.... said he didn't care if she ever came BA k and looked at me like I was a stupid bitch for crying

goldie's picture

You are complicating things here

April 24, 2012 - 7:40pm — goldie

I am a dog person and have always had dogs. My X bought me a german shepherd and it was my dog. I fed him, trained him, brushed his teeth, cleaned his ears, brushed his fur, took him for walks, and loved him as my dog. No brainer here, he's my dog.

X asked me on several occasions if he could take the dog for the day. The dog is a crowd pleaser and I'm sure a babe magnet so he wants the dog so he can look good. I said NO, he stays with me.

Whose dog is this really? Did HE spend a lot of time with the dog, training it, ect? If so, give him back the dog. If not then the dog stays with you and your son. Be honest with yourself and make a decision. The dog does not need to be going back and forth at this point. Dogs like to stay home, wherever that is for them. They like their own area.

Once you decide who's dog it is mostly, then call it a day and leave the dog be. This back and forth nonsense is a game that narcs play to control you.

If the dog is more yours and your son's pet and you were more responsible for the dog, then text or email him that the dog is happiest with you, your son, and the other dog OR tell him to come and get the dog. Once you decide do not ever mention the dog again to him or respond to his text messages.

If you decide to give him the dog, tell your son that you have two dogs and Daddy misses his dog and you are doing the fair thing and giving him one of the dogs. This way your son learns that when things don't work out you divide the assets and move on without fighting about it. Your son will adjust if YOU do not make a big thing out of it and like Hunter said you can always get another dog as a playmate for the other dog. Might be fun for you and your son to have your own dog to concentrate on. Some Narcs do actually like their dogs and treat them right.

You may want to take note of the fact that in your opening sentence you did refer to the dog as HIS DOG.

God bless,
Goldie

Sparrow's picture

Give him the dog. He MUST

April 24, 2012 - 7:23pm — Sparrow

Give him the dog. He MUST have the dog and he will not stop until he gets him. You have to understand the mind of a psychopath to understand why he wants this dog. It has nothing to do with you, your son, or hovering. It has everything to do with the actual dog. He is his constant supply and his relationship with this particular dog runs deeper than anyone can imagine. This dog loves him unconditionally and is extremely loyal to him. And your N will treat this dog in the same manner.

Choose your battles wisely. Don't let this become a war.

Deidre99's picture

If you were to give him the

April 23, 2012 - 10:06pm — Deidre99

If you were to give him the dog...he would find something else to text you about. I would give him the dog or not. If not...I wouldn't permit anymore visits. You are done with him and NC is key. He can find a new dog or you can. I just think its a convenient way to Hoover you.

mystwoman's picture

I agree with Deidre. It's a

April 24, 2012 - 9:46am — mystwoman

I agree with Deidre. It's a convenient way to hoover. If you give him the dog, he'll merely find another excuse to hoover. Narcs are a bottomless well when it comes to finding excuses to hooover/get supply. The excuses will never end until YOU force an end it. I wouldn't let him "visit" the dog. He's the one that left the family unit, and wants a new life. Therefore, that new life can just include a new dog as well.

My advice is to go NC, and move on with YOUR life without him. His problems are no longer your problems. Don't respond to the narc in any way. Don't answer his messages, don't speak to him personally, and don't give any more supply. Just go completely silent. Hunter is absolutely correct. CONTACT = PAIN.

luvapug's picture

I agree

April 24, 2012 - 4:50pm — luvapug

I understand, and am trying very hard to get this NC right. Is it possible that he literally just wants to see the dog, without trying to hoover??? I just don't think it is about anything other than the dog...he really loved his dog...I don't really feel like he would be trying to hoover me though, I think however, whoever...whatever happened..it has taken him out of the equation completely...

Hunter's picture

THEN GIVE HIM THE DOG AND BE

April 24, 2012 - 7:05pm — Hunter

THEN GIVE HIM THE DOG AND BE DONE!!

If he doesn't give a shit about you and your child ( living breathing human beings ) do you think he gives a shit about a Dog?

Hunter

Movingforwardnow's picture

Lame hoover attempt

April 23, 2012 - 6:35pm — Movingforwardnow

That's what I think.

CONTACT = PAIN.

Make decision about the dog and stick to your decision.

I agree with Hunter!

She is very wise, listen to her advice.

Just my two cents...and that's about all it's woth.
mfn

Hunter's picture

The " Family Dog" more like..

April 23, 2012 - 4:29pm — Hunter

The " Family Dog" more like.. A tool to play In Narcville..

You either keep the dog or give it to him..

Once the decision is made no more talk about" Mojo"

My personal opinion .. If he's not abusive to the dog.. Let him have it.. They are many dogs in shelters who need rescue ..

Hunter

luvapug's picture

I would

April 23, 2012 - 4:42pm — luvapug

I would give him back if my 7 year old wasn't so attached to the dog. I think he has already lost enough and the kid loves the dog, so I do not want to take that away from him...plus Mojo has a companion all day, whereas if he goes with my Ex, he has no one and my ex works very long hours...so that would be unfair to Mojo, I believe...

Hunter's picture

You are making excuses... I

April 23, 2012 - 7:54pm — Hunter

You are making excuses... I love dogs .. I love pets..

Sorry but bottom line is its still a dog.. You daughter will have to adjust..the dog is a tool it's working in both directions.. foe both parties to play,..

This is not about MOJO at all.. I know all the games..

Fighting over the dogs .. Now that's a good example for a child...

luvapug's picture

wow

April 23, 2012 - 10:38pm — luvapug

I am not fighting over the dog in front of my son. He has no idea that the ex is trying to take the dog. When we first came home after N left, my son immediately made sure his pets were still here...he was relieved and has been that he still has both of them.

I am not witholding the dog to play a game. I am an adult, have been through exes before, I do not think he should have the dog...over my son. Why should he exactly??? I told him before that if he left, I would be keeping the dog and he agreed then. The real issue is do I let him visit the dog...or respond when he asks...

He visits when I am not here and tells me before he comes, even if I don't respond apparently since he came here when I was gone...I know this because his mail that was set aside is gone. So basically it is irrelevant if I respond and I certainly don't want to...but I didn't know if it was considered an "exception"

Hunter's picture

Your dog your house.. No

April 24, 2012 - 8:14am — Hunter

Your dog your house.. No Contact means NC .. If you need to communicate kid issues that should be done thru email or third party..why does he have unlimited access to your home..can yOu just walk in and out of his??

You are creating contact over a DOG.. Sorry you don't want to hear it but you are both using the dog to stay in contact..

Againnot about the dog.. Poor dog is a Pawn in the Narcville game..

Hunter

Janie53's picture

Contact equals pain! Your

April 23, 2012 - 4:23pm — Janie53

Contact equals pain! Your call-

I would stay true to you! He doesn't feel for the dog anymore than he would for a worm!
Stay true!

Janie

luvapug's picture

hard to decide

April 23, 2012 - 4:45pm — luvapug

But I have not returned his text, I hate playing the cold b*tch role...but I really don't want to open a door where he tells me about how happy he is and free and weight lifted and how lovely his life is...without me and my son!!! Makes me sick! since he gave not one ounce of effort to make that happen when we were together!

ughh....I think NC is best, but just am not sure! I figure, he will go to the house regardless of if I respond or not..he has a built in garage opener in my car he has...and a key...which I don't care, it's not like he would take anything or look at anything because he does NOT care about me...just the dog!

-luvapug