I work with my ex-N. Recovery has been a long, hard road. I feel like I am in a good place but I still struggle with having to see my ex-N daily. I maintain low contact, I try not to let her get to me.
However, I struggle with the fact that it doesn't seem to matter if we have contact or not, to the N! The game she played with me is over (except for when she is mean to me just to get a reaction). It hurts me still that I just don't matter to her. If I quit my job and never contacted her again, I don't think she would care. It really feels like I just never mattered at all.
I guess that's the reality.
It still hurts though. I don't want her. She disgusts me. But it hurts to know she doesn't want me either.