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I NEED YOUR HELP
Tar Heel Blue
Member since:
1 year 8 weeks
1 year 8 weeks
Last activity:
1 year 3 weeks
1 year 3 weeks
I NEED YOUR HELP
Posted April 23, 2012 - 3:25pm
Today is day 25 of NC and I am feeling weak. I'm in a place where we used to have good times and I'm finding it hard to accept that he doesn't, and never did, love me. I'm dazed. I haven't broken NC although I have thought about it, and what I would want to say. My sisters, I need to draw from your strength TW, yell at me for even thinking about it. Today has been the worst day so far.
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
THB xx
April 27, 2012 - 8:05am — bgirlTHB I'm not going to yell at you...instead I'm going to sit with you and I'm going to tell u, you will get through this day. You will :-)
And then there will be another and another until you lose count and then more and more until you don't even know the reason you are trying to remember to count...
How good will that be :)
That will be awesome won't it?
YES! You can do this. Stay strong.
X
B
Dear bgirl,
April 27, 2012 - 8:11am — Tar Heel BlueThank you, sweetie, for being there for me. And I will do the same for you, whenever you need me.
Because of you and all my other dear sisters on this forum, I made it through that toughest of days. And you're right, the next day wasn't so bad.
I forget which day I'm on now. :) But still NC, and it does feel good.
Love,
THB
This pain
April 25, 2012 - 6:20pm — neverlookbackWILL end, but being with a disordered person the pain will NEVER end -
THB
April 25, 2012 - 1:37pm — MovingforwardnowCONTACT = PAIN
Any contact at all, even contact by proxy. PAIN, PAIN,PAIN!
I promise you if you were to break NC you will feel worse than you do right now.
Push through it. Stay strong.
25 days is great, keep it up!
mfn
Thanks MFN...
April 25, 2012 - 5:10pm — Tar Heel BlueI pushed through that one. Whew! Posting here helped me get my head back together...or at least as together as it CAN be right now!
I'm at Day 27 of NC now, and not looking to break my streak!
Thanks, y'all!
THB
Hooray THB Day 27
April 25, 2012 - 9:34pm — MovingforwardnowThere comes a point when we no longer even count the days becasue it is just what we do!
Kee it up. You have had some great posts on the forum and I have seen some great imporovement....keep on truckin my friend.
mfn
Recovery takes a really long
April 25, 2012 - 7:06pm — HunterRecovery takes a really long time.. Im 2 years away from my assclown and everynow and then I still have a moment..
This is a very rewarding journey if you mantain NC and do the work..
you can do it..
Hunter
You're not kidding, Hunter,
April 25, 2012 - 8:01pm — Tar Heel Blueit IS work. But we're restoring beautiful works of art here, it can't be done overnight. It's meticulous and painstaking work. But the results will be well worth it!
I will do it. So happy for you that you've made it for two years! UGH, I was up to one year once, then I put my dumb ass self right back to square one when I took him back. NEVER AGAIN.
THB
PS Day 27, still NC. Day 28 will be even easier.
There you go.. Keep the Buzz
April 25, 2012 - 8:04pm — HunterThere you go.. Keep the Buzz Alive..
When you know better you do better.
Hunter
Breaking NC means nothing but
April 25, 2012 - 2:51am — kimberly4398Breaking NC means nothing but pain for us, gives them the chance for the big D & D. My NC is getting easier by the day, I woke up thinking about all the things that are wrong with him aside from being a Narc Boy and it makes me giggle. If that's what keeps me going thats what I am gonna draw on...
Kim, glad you are doing better!
April 25, 2012 - 4:22pm — Trainwreck56DETOX from them takes awhile!
You will all of the sudden wake up some a.m. and know you
did the right thing going NC!
NO MORE CHAOS, MAYHEM AND DRAMA!
HUGS
TW
That feeling - Name it
April 23, 2012 - 4:24pm — dudetteframe it, contain it, hold it, bear it in mind....
Hugs to you - hang on in there it's just about to pass
Dx
You will make it through
April 23, 2012 - 4:00pm — JourneyYou will make it through this, breaking NC will only mean you have to detox all over again and there is nothing he could say which will help you feel better in the long run and everything he could say which could send you reeling back again in worse pain and doubts - it is SO NOT WORTH IT!!
Dear Journey
April 23, 2012 - 4:09pm — Tar Heel BlueI won't stop believin'
:)
Don't do it! Don't break NC!
April 23, 2012 - 3:45pm — Trainwreck56TAR it gets better, I know where your at right now, been there! I had days the first month and more than a month
were I wanted to talk to him, But I knew from experience,
he would hear but but NOT LISTEN!
It's an endeavor in futility, you don't need him!
You just miss the person he invented, and that person
is long gone!
Re-group, think good thoughts, write a list of all they
shit he did to you...DO YOU REALLY WAN'T TO GO BACK TO THAT?? HELL NO!
Just say NO THANKS, AND NC!
POST HERE, DON'T TALK TO THAT BASTARD, HE IS THE SOURCE OF YOUR PAIN, NOT THE RELIEF!
NC FOR EVER! THAT'S YOUR CLOSURE!
NC=NO MORE MR. SHADY!
TW
I won't break NC. That's not
April 23, 2012 - 3:50pm — Tar Heel BlueI won't break NC. That's not the answer. He IS the source of my pain. I recognize that. I don't miss the evil bastard. I miss the man HE made me believe he was. And the things he made me believe were possible but were NOT. He doesn't deserve to know that I still have even one random thought about him. Fuck him and the horse he rode in on.
Love generates
April 23, 2012 - 4:04pm — Janie53The illusion really does go away and you are left with all the love you had to give in the first place. Love doesn't evaporate, it generates...
Be patient, this part of the journey I have passed.
Stay true!
xxxooo
Janie
Janie...
April 24, 2012 - 10:06pm — Tar Heel BlueYou're so right...the longer I stay away from him, the more the illusion fades away. And figuring out what to do with the misplaced love I had for him was a problem at first, but then I realized that at least some of it belongs to ME.
Patience has never been my strongest attributes, but I'm finding more, and more strength, than I realized I had.
Thank you, as ever, for your encouraging words!
THB, staying true to me!
Tar
April 27, 2012 - 7:56am — Janie53Just read your hoovering post!
You rock!
By the way, all the love belongs to you. They don t have any and to were kind and shared it. Extra doses for you now during your recovery
Keep staying stay Tar Blue!
xxxooo
Janie
Thanks, Janie...
April 27, 2012 - 9:05pm — Tar Heel Blueignoring the hoovering thing wasn't as hard as I had expected it to be. And I think that's primarily because I was prepared. I've been getting advice and encouragement from you and others who have traveled this road before me. I've been reading all I can find about these LOSERS and ASSCLOWNS (grin) and his behavior fit right into the pattern. As Sparrow said, textbook example. Pathetic.
Thanks for all your encouraging words! You my friend are the one who totally ROCKS!
Staying true, and almost to Day 29 of NC!
THB
xooxo
xxxooo Stay true Tar Heel
April 27, 2012 - 9:12pm — Janie53xxxooo
Stay true Tar Heel Blue!
J.
Tar Heel Blue
April 24, 2012 - 10:17pm — Janie53It all belongs to you, your love, and you will know when you are ready to share it. Right now, use it all on you. You'll never run out.
Keep up the good work!!!
Staying true is the way to go!
xoxoxo
Janie
Tar
April 23, 2012 - 4:02pm — HunterThis is music to my ears..
NC.. Perfect..
Hunter
You will be fine, at least your not alone
April 23, 2012 - 4:00pm — Trainwreck56like we all were in the relationship with them! UGH
Evil they are, get angry, punch a pillow hun, stay NC!
Its not worth IT, i went back for a second round, and I would have died from the stress or lost my frikin Mind If I had not went NC-FOREVER!
The bastard I was with was trying to destroy me!
HE ALMOST DID, I LOATHE HIM!
HUGS
NC
TW
TW, I went back
April 23, 2012 - 4:12pm — Tar Heel BlueFor round 2 as well. And now I think that somehow round 3 would be different???
I think NOT. Not worth the misery.
Still NC, baby
Round 3, NO THANKS, I'm with you!
April 24, 2012 - 3:08am — Trainwreck56Round two was horrible, plus his mask was slipping big time,
he was crazier than ever, the D & D was constant, with silent
treatment, withholding affection, push me pull me game, its
was stealth insanity on his part, ROUND THREE WOULD HAVE BEEN WORSE, if you can imagine!
Don't fall for any hoovering either, he has stopped, have
not heard a peep=GOOD, no drive by's my house since last Thursday!
He probably is regrouping or found new supply, what ever, they can both go back to HELL where they came from!
Your doing great, I'm proud of you!
NCNCNC
TW
TW can you explain to me why
April 24, 2012 - 11:30pm — LoserFreeTW can you explain to me why the mask comes off so quickly each time you come back. I noticed that you and Tar made the same comment. I found that interesting...just curious.
Thanks :)
LoserFree
His mask was off in the end....
April 26, 2012 - 2:21am — Trainwreck56He was despicable! I think we all put up with so much shit
with them, they think well why should I have a mask on!
HE JUST LET IT RIP, he became more volatile and crazier as
time when on, I felt he was totally out of touch with reality, almost psychotic!
It was scary, what is reality to them? I think It caused him a lot of stress to appear normal, it was just an appearance!
He tried to normalize his verbal abuse, I tried to talk to
him about it.....he said its verbal not physical, he DID NOT THINK THERE WAS ANYTHING WRONG WITH HIM ABUSING ME, SAID WELL AT LEAST I DONT BEAT YOU!
FELT THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN NEXT AND HE WOULD HAVE NORMALIZED THAT,,,,,,,SO I WENT NC!
TW
When I told mine I could not
April 27, 2012 - 7:26am — LoserFreeWhen I told mine I could not take the emotional and mental abuse anymore, he would say ME abusing YOU??? Are you kidding... I'M the one getting abused here not you!! Then he went on to give me analogy about a puppy. He said when you get a puppy they love you just want to be around you all the time....then the owner starts kicking the puppy but the puppy still returns...owner kicks him some more puppy returns....One day the owner can't find his dog...that's because the puppy ran away. He could only take so much abuse no matter how much he loved his owner. So I suggest you stop kicking me around or I will be gone just like that puppy!
I seriously COULD NOT believe what I was hearing!!! Did he just give me that analogy implying I AM the emotional and mental abuser here??
They are the CRAZIEST PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET!!!!
LoserFree
And they walk among us
April 27, 2012 - 7:44am — Tar Heel Bluefree to roam around and spread their insanity.
I think what he was doing to you was projecting his sick behavior onto you. Projection is common among these sickos, too. I used to get it ALL the time. They try to make us believe that we are the ones who have done all the damage. I was accused of requiring constant attention (projection!), needing to be the CENTER of attention at all times (projection!) and ALWAYS having other men behind his back (TOTAL PROJECTION!) I don't know if they do it to make themselves feel better or to make us think we're crazy and to blame for everything. They get so good at it that we start doubting ourselves, and blaming ourselves. Sometimes it's only after we get out of the situation and look back that we realize what they were doing, and why.
Believe me, honey, he's not the puppy here. You're not the abuser. And that analogy makes me sick.
You're strong and beautiful and wise, and he doesn't have the power to destroy you anymore. Congratulations on making it this far!
Love and hugs!
THB
LF...
April 25, 2012 - 11:13am — Tar Heel BlueI'm not sure if they allow the mask to come off so quickly, so much as we become more educated each time and see through it more quickly. We start hearing the same lies repeated, go through the same patterns of abuse, hear the same old "I blame you for this" blah, blah, blah...and we finally begin to listen to that voice that told us there was something VERY WRONG with this guy. Then we almost expect it when they become a little more transparent every day, and the D & D starts again. I think it's more a matter of our being educated and recognizing what's going on, we can SEE the mask slipping, even though they don't intend for us to.
Does that make sense? I believe that's what happened in my experience, anyway.
Hang in there.
THB
LF
April 25, 2012 - 2:17am — sweetpeasarahI went back umpteen times before i found this forum, and you'll be lucky if the mask stays on a week!! I beleive that is because they dont really WANT to go back to 'old' supply, its a last resort if things are'nt going well, and therefore they resent you for having to come back. They know that your going to be hard work, and they just cant be bothered! Sometimes, i saw hatred in toad's face when he came back, he knew i'd started sussing him out. so of course the MINUTE he managed to secure a new source of supply he was off like the wind!!
xx
Agreed, TW
April 24, 2012 - 9:59am — Tar Heel BlueRound 3 would be living hell And like yours, the mask was slipping from mine during round 2, and he KNEW that I was starting to see what he really is. That's why round 2 was hell and the D&D was early and often. And I think that is also why he has only made one attempt to contact me. When I didn't respond, he probably realized that I KNOW and that I won't be back this time.
I made it through the tough day yesterday with your help and the help of my other dear sisters. I didn't break NC. I did the right thing and posted here instead. And today is better, no urge to break NC at ALL. I'm getting my life back and giving him NONE of it anymore. I know I'm not out of the woods yet, and I know more battles await me. But I recognize that this IS war, and I'm gonna win.
My weapon of choice is NC, and I'm locked and loaded!
Now you're talking sista!
April 23, 2012 - 3:53pm — spinningRead this again, sweet girl...You're doing the work and you're getting there.
This feeling is actually a sign that you are detaching...the ego always screams when we're trying to let go of something that's not good for us. Good for you for listening to your gut and coming here for strength.
You have all the strength inside of you, dear Tar Heel. Here's a lovely, strong post of yours...you speak the TRUTH. Remember, you have been there/done that. It's YOUR TIME NOW.
We are with you every step of the way.
http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2012/04/20/today-day-21
With much love and hugs from,
(not) spinning. IT WAS A FIGHT AND AN EFFORT TO STOP, BUT I'M WORTH IT AND SO ARE YOU!
Dearest (not) spinning
April 23, 2012 - 4:07pm — Tar Heel BlueI did write those very words, just a few days ago. Now when i just read back over them, it's as though I was speaking directly to myself. And what do you know, I WAS.
I cried when I read them, not out of sadness but out of joy and relief, because I can see that I'm not weak after all. I'm getting better.
Thank you for reminding me! I am going through hell! Where we all have been before, but I will keep ON GOING just like all of you dear ones.
Thanks for being there for me. I hope I can help someone else get past similar hard times.
Love you all.
Tar Heel BLUE in name only. :)
Tar Heel Blue
April 23, 2012 - 3:35pm — Janie53Make lists of good times versus abusive times. I think that will get you back in the right direction.
Stay true to you!
Janie
Let's role play. You call
April 23, 2012 - 3:34pm — Deidre99Let's role play.
You call him. He:
a) doesn't answer/silent treatment/you feel worse now
b) he answers and it goes something like this:
Narc: Hello?
You: Hi.
Narc: Um...what's up? how are you?
*as though nothing has happened
You: I wanted to talk to you about a few things.
Narc: Like what? We went through everything. I told you, I wasn't happy.
You: Well, I just want closure. I still feel confused.
Narc: I told you I wasn't happy. I never meant to hurt you.
See where this is heading? Nowhere. If he doesn't pick up at all, you'll be reeling, if he picks up...that's relatively pretty much how it will go. Unless he's like my ex was, and he'll call you a few choice words and hang up.
You know his style, so role play in your mind...and most likely, that will cause you to not wish to break NC.
Stay strong!!
Deidre
April 23, 2012 - 3:53pm — Tar Heel BlueThe conversation would be strained and one-sided, and accomplish absolutely nothing. You're right. Seems as though you may have had a similar conversation before. I know I have, at least a thousand times. And I always come away from them feeling weak and pathetic. I needed your reminder. Thanks.
My ex was different than some
April 23, 2012 - 4:02pm — Deidre99My ex was different than some here. I broke up with him, and he sought revenge. That was always his reason for a hoover. When I would break NC, in response to some type of baiting he would do, I always got rejection, insults, hanging the phone up on me. My reason for breaking NC was in hopes (silly me) of becoming his friend. Trying to salvage some type of friendship. But, he truly hated me. Like he hates all women.
If I were to call him right now to say hello. lol He would say...''fuck you dee.'' (well, he hoovered around holiday time, and I ignored him...have been NC for 10 months now)
So. My ex, different than yours...BUT...the end result is still pain.
I think what makes it hard for you, is that you never got closure. You were discarded, and it has left you confused. You hope for some answers, should u call him. I think that is the motivation behind why some here 'think' about breaking NC. But, the end result will be pain, or a strained conversation, like you say. Followed by silent treatment, yet again.
Not worth it at the end of the day. You have come so far, in your healing. You owe it to yourself to stay the course. ((hugs))
Dee...
April 23, 2012 - 4:22pm — Tar Heel BlueOur exes are not so different. From what he told me, he only wanted me back for round 2 so he could punish me for staying away from him for so long (NC for a year.) And i fell right into his trap. They are evil manipulative sons of bitches. I've gotten a million "fuck yous" and "go to hells" and gotten hung up on more times than I could count. I have finally realized tat I am worthy of more than that. Let the OW live with it now. I would almost be ashamed to admit to the treatment I endured for 19 years. These guys are evil incarnated, cold, calculating, heartless EVIL. I'm so glad you're away from him. I admire your courage and know how hard it's been.
Hugs back to you!!
Janie
April 23, 2012 - 3:45pm — Tar Heel BlueThanks. You're right. It wouldn't accomplish anything, I'd still be hurting, just worse. Then I'd have to start all over again. He hasn't changed. I know this. I needed a booster dose from you, my friends.
No pain no gain.. read.. It
April 23, 2012 - 3:28pm — HunterNo pain no gain..
read.. It will set you straight..
Hunter
I will
April 23, 2012 - 3:33pm — Tar Heel BlueHunter. Thanks.