For your responses. Thought I would have the paperwork finished yesterday, but another form turned up requiring N's signature. The lawyer got hold of him and got him to sign it. This lawyer is a friend - refused to handle the divorce but stepped in to handle the last financial arrangements when both of us agreed to let him do so. That has been a blessing.

I am just so tired from all this. From the years before and the 11 months of. From almost losing my house and from being afraid of what the ex would do if I didn't get the house refinanced and he wasn't able to complete the purchase of his house. One daughter is still so mad at me that she won't see me. She wrote me to tell me that she is just waiting for time to reduce the anger. That there isn't anything else to say. She sent me a birthday present, but she didn't come see me.

Don't know exactly how I feel about J. When I am calm and peaceful, I really, really like him. When I'm not, I frequently still don't want him to go home. But when I am upset about my children or my life - my emotions shut down. I don't like any man. Well, I can tolerate my father or my preachers or other men who I only know through church or business. Men I can pretend are Ken dolls.

I know, I know - if I still feel like this, why am I dating? That ship has sailed. I was taught that there would always be a man. And more than that - I have no children at home and cats are a huge help, but they don't do it. At least I didn't date until after the divorce was final. This is the longest I have lived alone in my life. Far, far longer actually.

Anyway, this man is as peaceful as anybody I have ever met. I won't marry until a minimum of two years after the first date - so that isn't until 2014. I told two other guys that and they said that was totally unacceptable. The online dating scene is like a drive-thru. Start the interview immediately and be married in six months. Crazy. Not that I feel like marrying - it's just that discussion comes very early in a relationship anymore.

J knows that if and when I marry, there will be a prenup and that it will get enforced quickly if behaviors change. He said that he couldn't handle it if I yelled at him. I told him that I couldn't handle it even more if I yelled at him and that he could be pretty sure that it wouldn't happen more than once.

Best I can do - given I'm me and I was raised in the 60's in the south.

You counselor was right about meeting the family too soon. I met my N after a breakup of a 20 year marriage to another N. You would think I would know the signs, but on the surface they seemed so different -- and at that time in my life I didn't really know anything about NPD. At any rate, once I introduced him to my children, the relationship accelerated, and I ended up marrying him all too soon. Just a few months after the wedding, the fairy tale was over and he started showing his true self. We are divorced, and I really don't see myself ever getting married again. The marriage offers no protection, and is very expensive to get out of. So please -- Don't Rush. You may have the rest of your life to regret a fast decision. And by the way -- Christian Mingle is like other on line sights. Just because they say they are Christian doesn't mean they are, just as being a "senior" doesn't make them trustworthy either. My ex N is currently on Senior People Meet, and his profile says he is looking for "ONE WOMAN" and he is not a player. He also claims to be a non smoker, and says he is "retired" from several sports related jobs. Problem is he is a player, who concentrates on one woman AT THE MOMENT, he smokes all the time, and he hasn't held a real job in the many many years I've known him. So beware, be careful, and remember to love yourself.