I divorced my N last November. We are still finishing the financial arrangements. He was engaged to his new Mommy before Christmas. His daughter's words.
His children, who were basically adults when we married 18 years ago, are still closer to me than to him. The son I see 3 times or so a year and send birthday wishes. The daughter has children. I am an active grandmother and she calls me frequently. She just borrowed dresses and shoes for a wedding this weekend. That kind of a relationship. I have 2 daughters from my first marriage.
I started talking to a man I met on Christian Mingle last December. Started dating him six weeks or so later. I don't trust him. My first marriage turned bad and abusive after 12 years of what I perceived as happiness. I ended up with the N when on the rebound from the first guy. Anyway, I don't trust myself so I started taking J around with me.
Well, one daughter decided he was a creep. A second daughter really likes him. Third daughter and son are uneasy.
I was very disturbed. J is the most peaceful, helpful man I have ever met. He tends to be reclusive- he has been hurt and taken advantage of. But he is willing to go almost anywhere with me. He let himself be thrust into all these social situations for which he just wasn't prepared. He deals with people at his work, so he was respectable - but uncomfortable. I considered breaking up with him over my children, but a friend said she had talked to him and she thought it was a big mistake. The one daughter who likes him and her husband agreed. I like him. And he is so in love with me. And it seems so sweet. Like first love for him.
I went to my counsellor with the situation. She said that my mistake was in exposing my children or grandchildren to him so soon. And thinking, the daughter who thinks he is a creep was really overexposed to him. She saw him 4 times in a little over two weeks.
Anyway, there is a lot of other stuff here - particularly between the unhappiest daughter and myself. Old memories from the divorce from her father and things. These came out due to this.
The purpose of this writing is to warn you not to make my mistake. Introduce your new boyfriend slowly - and not too soon. Think twice before exposing him to your adult or other children. And don't push him down their throats.
I'm continuing to see him but will keep him from the uncomfortable children whenever possible. I'm having some difficulty because the kids got used to not giving me notice. And I'm not going to just send him home because one of them wants to see me. They are going to have to learn to give me notice more often.
Hope this saves some of you some pain.