fallingfoward's story

My Story-in short form- falling forward

I have tried so many times to write this story. At first it was filled with ramblings about each lie, manpulation, and betrayal. It would be filled with so much rage and anger, but I am at a different place now. I still have days dealing with depression, sleepless night, nightmares and anger. I however, am seeing more days filled with hope, strength, joy and enjoyment of life again.

This is my story with the main details…….

I met my ex-narc online; I was involved with him for two years before I was able to take the steps to walk away. It started out wonderful as these situations always do; I was amazed I met such a wonderful man. Then the truth began to unfold……….
1) When I met him he told me he was divorce, but he was still married. He had been separated for 4 years.
2) He told me had broken off a 10 year relationship with a woman and had been single for about 4 months. The truth was that he was living with the other woman when I had met him; they broke up about 2 months after I started seeing him.
3) He told me he never had contact with her, but in fact he always had contact with her for the whole 2 years. (except for 2/3 months)
4) He lied and told me he had cancer. I took him to many appointments so I believe him. He did have tumors on his body, but they were cause from another disease.
5) The two month to three months when he did not have contact with the other woman, she was told he was in a coma. He was with me all that time.
6) He is a porn addict. I would find porn on his computer, and he would often be on craigslist.
7) He is addicted to prescription drugs. He smoked pot daily, because of the cancer. LOL
8) He would try to give me xanax at night, so he could troll the dating and porn sites. He had convinced me I was to high-strung and needed to calm down. I took it for a short while till I started flushing them down the toilet.
9) He is a drug dealer.
10) He physically picked me up one time, and wouldn’t let me leave the house. (pretty good, for a man dying of cancer,lol)
11) He had the same pattern as most narcs, the strange phone calls, called me when he needed some type of supply, but when I needed him, he was too busy.
12) Lied about everything
13) He had a house with the other woman and an apt. where he met me at.
14) We often talked about marriage, we even went house hunting together. He instead became engaged to the other woman and continued to see me.
I could go on and on, but at this point of my recovery I just don’t care much for all the details. I journaled so many of the details when I was starting the process. I am more concerned at this point on focusing on my recovery. I cannot change him, I can only change myself.