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Is it breaking NC if...
Blue Moon
Member since:
1 year 4 weeks
1 year 4 weeks
Last activity:
1 year 2 weeks
1 year 2 weeks
Is it breaking NC if...
Posted April 22, 2012 - 9:57am
Hello,
Is it breaking NC if I contact him to tell him not to contact me again? I don't want to open a can of worms.
I'm on Day 6 NC. He left a voicemail not saying anything much except he is starting a new job tomorrow, still has a cold (like I'm supposed to be deeply interested, concerned and fascinated with his life after he abruptly and hurtfully dumped me) and said that we could, after all, get together and chat about the whys of our break up. He said he wanted to see if I had blocked his number (probably should) and that he "cares deeply" for me (not buying that). What's the point now? Sometimes I feel that I didn't get to say and ask everything I wanted to but I know my chances of getting an honest answer is almost nothing. And he will not care what I have to say anyway. That lack of closure is a little hard after 3 years. My feeling is just leave it alone. I don't want to fool myself into using an excuse to break NC. It helps me to keep NC when I say to myself, "He doesn't care about you. He left you. He is probably with someone else. He is making a fool of you. He is false." And of course, reading here every day helps tremendously. I feel myself goig back and forth though. After a few days maybe I will have more clarity. Should I just leave it alone?
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
After a Narc dumps us they
April 22, 2012 - 11:09am — Done sourcingAfter a Narc dumps us they usually need to see if they can still get in and mess us up some more. Bored empty lost souls do this kind of stuff. What normal or even kind of normal person breaks up and then wants to tell you about their new job, friends, romances, sicknesses, etc???
Disordered freaks who do not give a crap about anyone else's feelings. They don't care if it hurts us....in fact probably like it alot when they sense it does. It probably means to them that we care about them. They really don't understand that if we could press a button and vaporize them it would've already been done, lol!
You already know that calling or writing the Narc to tell them to leave you alone is non-productive. It plays into their hand...it is hard to walk away, but it is best for you.
ds
Stay NC, what you have to say or think or feel
April 22, 2012 - 10:39am — Trainwreck56makes not one bit of difference to him!
NC TELLS THEM: NO MORE, NO WAY, AND NOW HOW!
Leave it at that, if you contact him, he will pull you back in and the D & D will be worse!
LEAVE "IT" ALONE!
Peace and Mega Hugs!
NCNCNCNC
TW
CONTACT = PAIN
April 22, 2012 - 10:35am — MovingforwardnowYou will hear this many times over and over again on htis forum, and not one story where contact didn't equal pain.
Narcs never give us the closure that we want or that we'd receive from a "normal" breakup with a non-disordered freak.
I know how hard it is and I know how hurt and sad you are, we all get it here. Been there, done that. It's an awful feeling and it is confusing, mind boggling and sould kiling. But, I promise you, you will feel much worse with any contact at all.
Stay strong. Stay No Contact. Read all you can. We do heal, we do recover and it does get better. There is life after a NACR.
Hugs,
mfn
lots of typos
April 22, 2012 - 10:37am — MovingforwardnowDon't type so fast mfn!
You
April 22, 2012 - 10:27am — sweetpeasarahhave to block him hun. He dumped you, then a week later sends you that?!? What an asshole!, he's just playing the stupid pathetic games they play. As you say, getting an honest answer about ANYTHING with them is never going to happen, no closure sucks i know, but even if he did answer your questions, it would all be BS anyway!! He's playing with you, block him everywhere you can, and strive for NC..its the only way
xx
Used is absolutely right. It
April 22, 2012 - 10:26am — SparrowUsed is absolutely right. It would be breaking NC and it would be pointless.
Giving him the opportunity to "explain" why you broke up is not a good idea. You already know why you broke up, because he is a narc. If you allow him to spew his scrambled eggs to you, you will be left with a decision to make, and you already have made it.
Don't buy into his words, whatever lies he conjures up will be for his benefit and his alone.
Hang tight, stay nc, and work toward your goals to healing.
You don't need to tell him that you are speaking to him, your silence speaks volumes, or at least should, and will eventually.
YES YOU SHOULD LEAVE IT
April 22, 2012 - 10:03am — UsedYES YOU SHOULD LEAVE IT ALONE...IT WILL BREAK NC.....
AND IT WOULD BE SO POINTLESS THE GOOD WORK YOU HAVE DONE...
MAYBE YOU COULD BLOCK HIM?
Thank you for the replies. I
April 22, 2012 - 3:56pm — Blue MoonThank you for the replies. I appreciate it. It helped. I stayed NC today. Tomorrow will be easier. Weekends are hard. Wishing everybody peace and strength.
D