After this last D/D (the third and most disrespectful), something inside of me changed. Yes, I am sad and disappointed that I went back for more, believed all the BS about how he'd made the biggest mistake of his life letting me go, how he'd never hurt me again no matter what, only to do just that...his cruelty and lack of empathy during our last interaction and the days prior of silent treatment and brushing off actually make me sick to my stomach...somehow a switch was hit and I know that I don't ever want to be treated that way by anyone, especially someone who "claims" to care about me, love me...I just don't want that anymore...My self esteem is pretty low, but I know I deserve better...I want better...but now I am dealing with a different emotion and that is ANGER...I may not even realize it half the day, but I find it seeping into my day or nightmares...lately I have a short temper and I often tell him off in my head...I don't like that he is still having this effect on me..I want INDIFFERENCE, just like so many of you do...I know we can't force it...I hope that this anger is part of the healing process, but I feel like part of it comes from not being able to tell him how I feel or that it even matters to him...to have your soul raped is something that should not go unpunished..I want him to suffer in this kind of pain, to feel what I have felt, am feeling...and that will never happen...I guess this is where truly letting go comes into play...I thought of buying a punching bag, something to get this out...I just don't like having all this anger inside!